'The mention of my child's name may bring tears to my eyes, but it never fails to bring music to my ears' - bereaved parents thread.

[DawnOfTheDeementedDead]

'PLEASE SAY THEIR NAMES'

The time of concern is over. No longer are we asked how we're doing. Never are the names of our children mentioned to us. A curtain descends. The moment has passed. Life's slip from frequent recall. There are exceptions: close and compassionate friends, sensitive and loving family. Still look. Still ask. Still listen. Thank God for them. For most, the drama is over. The spotlight is off. Applause is silent.

But for us the play will never end. The effects on us are timeless. What can be said, you ask? Please say "their names" to us. Love does not die. Their names are written on our lives. You may feel that they are dead. We feel that they are of the dead and still they live. They ghost-walk our souls, beckoning in future welcome. You say, "They were our children"; we say "They are". Please say "their names" to us and say "their names" again. It hurts to bury their memory in silence. What they were in flesh is no longer with us. What they are in spirit stays within us always. They were of our past but they are part of our now. They are our hope for the future. Please understand we cannot forget. We would not if we could.

We know that you cannot know, yesterday we were like you. Understand that we dwell in both flesh and spirit. We do not ask you to walk this road. The ascent is steep and the burden heavy. We walk it not by choice. We would rather walk it with them in the flesh, looking not to spirit worlds beyond. We are what we have to be. What we have lost, you cannot feel. What we have gained you may not see. Please say " their names" for they are alive. We will meet them again, although in many ways we've never parted. Their spirits play light songs, appear in sunrises and sunsets. They are real and shadow, they were and they are.

Please say "their names" to us and say "their names" again.
They are our children and we love them as we always did.
More each day.

'PLEASE, SAY THEIR NAMES'

In memory of my darling forever-baby Ciaran. I loved you from the moment i saw those two pink lines, and i'll love you til i draw my last breath as a wizened old woman of 103. You taught me what it was to truly love, and although you could only stay such a short time, you made me a better person and my world a better place. I'm so glad to have known you.

Perfect poems Cheese and FM

Aziraphale - you will always be a mummy. You were from the day Charlie was conceived and you will be forever xx

the poems are beautiful. Thank you. I'm crying and covered in snot (nice) so I need to go to bed but thank you from the bottom of my heart xx

LOL @ covered in snot. xxxx Have a good sleep and come back in the morning xxxx

Azira, I am so sorry to hear of your loss of Charlie and that you have the reason to be here but I hope some of us can help somehow. We cannot change what has happened nor can we take the pain away but we can listen and hold your hand. I think I saw your husbands post. My son Gregor died suddenly and unexpectedly 2.5yrs ago aged 2 years n 10 days. We thought it was cot death for 5 months only to find out he died from an overwhelming virus. The police involvement makes an awful tragic situation even worse. I hope they have been gentle with your family.

The feelings you are experiencing are totally normal. I just wanted to send you a hug tonight xx

azira, your Charlie died in very much the same way as my Sylvie-Rose.

She died in my bed, even thought we hadn't been co-sleeping as such, I had put her to the breast with the intention of finishing the feed with a bottle (Long story, she was premature) I fell asleep and when dh went to check on us, we found Sylvie-Rose not breathing.

I did CPR while dh called an ambulance. My CPR failed, the paramedics failed to start her heart, they did get it started in the A+E but sadly, it was too late to save her brain. They withdrew care slowly and she died in my arms but to honest, I felt it was a second death really, to me she died in our bedroom.

Another lady on our antenatal thread said that after having spoken to a nurse at her hospital about my Sylvie-Rose, the nurse said that sadly, with SIDS, CPR does tend to fail, that when the baby is gone, they are gone. So devastating for us Mums that are left behind and often we are not given a proper reason.

I looked at your video and he looks like a beautiful little boy and so clever!
I'm so sorry you had to seek us out but glad you found us!

Morning girls xx

Morning all! How can it be November?! xx

chip we were told the same with Jayden that it is very unusual for a baby who has stopped breathing to be revived, we lost jayden ,my grandson at ten weeks due to sudden infant death, almost five years ago,everyone tried so hard to bring him back.

Hiya Hazy - its good to see you my friend xxx

Morning. I was dozing this morning when I felt something crawling on me, a spider! Certainly got me going! November already, 11 months tomorrow since Scarlett died and 11 months since she was born on the 6th which is also my birthday. I cannot believe it's been that long.

xx

Hi all

azira I was so sorry to hear about the loss of Charlie, I read your dh thread and have seen the pictures, what a beautiful little boy I'm glad you have found our thread and hope it helps you in some way x

shabs the women sounds terrible, I can't blame you for not talking to her again, one of the neighbours came round trick or treating with her son yesterday and asked how many weeks I was now. When I told her I'd lost the baby she said these things happen for the best sometimes. I'm struggling to think why my cervix failing was for the best, it certainly wasn't the best thing for Jacob

My keepsake box to keep all jacobs things in arrived yesterday , I have been irrationally happy about the arrival of the box, I think it is because I now have somewhere nice to keep all his pictures and all the little bits and bobs that we have for him. Unfortunately dp is feeling realy low at the moment so the box upset him

Good morning ladies. chip thank you so much for sharing your story. It feels like a horror movie at the moment but i understand that it will pass. x x

Lovely poems. I always read them through tears, but it is somehow a comfort to know that someone has felt like I do. I read them and think 'I could have written that'.

Welcome to the thread Moomin and Azira. So sorry you have to be here though. Two more boys who should still be with their mummy's. This thread won't ease your pain exactly, but it is a huge relief and comfort to know that there are other people who have been through what you have. I personally found it a comfort to know that other people have survived the death of their child and that grief does eventually blur around the edges. It doesn't always feel gut wrenchingly awful like it does at the moment.

My darling boy died when he was 18mo after a six month illness. Next week it will be 4 years since I last saw him, held him, smelled him, felt his weight in my arms. I miss him so.

azira, I have felt like that. Like it was a nightmare and that I would at some stage wake up, but I never did. I have also done slightly mad things, like asked God ( who owes me NO favours, btw) if he would just turn back the clock for me so that I could sit in the A+E that morning instead of being at home. But no, I keep waking up to the same scenario every day, that my one and only dd was here but now has gone. One of the worst things initially was that when ds3 and ds4 would hug me and tell me they loved me, that I would still feel empty, as if the hole left by her was too big for them to fill. But I have found that that has now changed for the better and it heartens me to cuddle them.

Floods of tears here but in a good way for a change Knottylocks has just delivered the most beautiful mn blanket to me.

It is amazing and I am so humbled to see the time, care and attention in each and square. What a wonderful gift.

Awwww Whatever - what a beautiful and thoughtful gesture. Really lovely. xxx

welcome to the new ladies! sorry to see you here, but glad you found us! ((hugs))

whatever thanks for thinking about me! Sterre's due date is indeed approaching so quickly now! 3rd of November! :(
Haven't had a chance to think about it the last few days, been pretty busy with DD1's birthday party and such! Although it's starting to hit me now. We went to visit Sterre this morning at the churchyard, my sister and BIL had brought a little teddybear with them. In going back to the car I just was thinking, how awful, we should be so happy for them to come and visit us around this time and see their newborn niece instead of visiting a grave.
I know I felt pretty stressed when we found out we were pregnant of Sterre as her due date was so close to DD1's birthday and I was dreading family visiting for DD1's birthday as I was going to be heavily pregnant and not able to cope with visitors, or could have just given birth or about to give birth. I so wish I wouldn't have worried about it back then. I know I can't change what happened, but still...
Tomorrow I'll be cycling back to the churchyard as there will be an All Souls service and prayers at the churchyard for all the people who've died. And I'll possibly go on Thursday as well.

whatever glad you received your blanket! I'm sure your DD will love it!

Morning girls xx

Morning Ladies xx

I appear to have lost my voice Anyone seen it??

It will all be the Halifax banks fault - they 'stole' my money and took your voice while they were at it Its official.....anything that goes wrong in the entire world today is the Halifax's fault!!!

Bloody Halifax Howard. He obviously got as sick of his own voice as everyone else so took mine. I'm glad I have someone to blame now

LOL - EVERYTHING is their fault!!

Good morning ladies xx

Welcome to the new ladies. I am so sorry you find yourselves here, but we all try to support eachother. It is heartbreaking that every few days there is another family torn apart. x

Afternoon. It's a lovely day here today. Took some flowers to Scarlett, it's 11 months today since she died, it really doesn't seem like that long at all. xx

Sometimes it feels like yesterday and sometimes it feels like a hundred years ago. xxx