Love, like starlight, never dies... Our precious children sparkling in the sky xx

[CazandBelle]

"Small was feeling grim and dark. He was playing toss and fling and bang and crash. Break and snap and bash and batter. Small said ?I?m a grim and grumpy little small and nobody loves me at all?. ?Oh Small,? said Large. ?Grumpy or not, I?ll always love you no matter what.?

Small said, ?If I was a grizzly bear would you still love me would you still care?? ?Of course,? said Large ?bear or not, I?ll always love you no matter what.?

Small said ?But if I turned into a bug, would you still love me and give me a hug?? ?Of course,? said Large ?bug or not, I?ll always love you no matter what.?

?No matter what?? said Small, and smiled, ?What if I was a crocodile?? Large said ?I?d hug you close and hold you tight and tuck you up in bed at night?.
?Does love wear out? said Small, ?does it break or bend? Can you fix it, stick it, does it mend?? ?Oh help,? said Large ?I?m not that clever I just know I?ll love you forever?.

Small said ?but what about when you?re dead and gone, would you love me then, does love go on?? Large held Small snug as they looked out at the night, at the moon in the dark and the stars shining bright.

?Small look at the stars ? how they shine and glow, but some of those stars died a long time ago. Still they shine in the evening skies. Love, like starlight, never dies?.

NO MATTER WHAT by Debi Gliori

Missing my beautiful Belle, a year to the day we placed her to bed in her garden. Mummy and Daddy love you, always. To the moon and back xxx

Hi ging it was me who added you on FB today! Lovely pics of your Oliver!

too I'm sorry about all you've been told today - it must be so much to take in.

No reason came back with Belle's results. There was a slight sign of infection on the placenta, but it was so slight, and it took 5 days after she died to get me into labour, that they think the infection developed after she died.

I'm not sure if not knowing makes it harder. I go through waves with it all. Sometimes it really bothers me, sometimes I feel knowing wouldn't make any difference either way. It doesn't bring her back or change anything.

The consultants keep telling me they are glad they didn't find a reason, because it makes this pregnancy lower risk - there is nothing obvious to look out for to prevent, so in essence what happened to Belle is unexplainable and absolutely no reason why it should happen again.

Although I'm feeling more vulnerable by the day. There is nothing anyone can do to keep Xander alive but hope. Each week is feeling longer and longer.

Blue and anyone else, please add me if you want to J.o.d.i.e W.y.e without the dots, hoping that makes me unsearchable :s

ginge oh that's terrible, it's so shocking to hear of that when there were things that could be done :( I wish I could do more than just say words :(

Caz I can only imagine, I worry already and I'm not even pregnant again yet. Thinking of you and hope that you make the next weeks without being too stressed, stupid words to say but there isn't anything that I can say that will make it better (hugs)

Too Oh you must be feeling so angry and confused. That really is a lot to take in and deal with you. Thinking of you and your darling Thea, so many what ifs and maybes.

I'm currently putting some work together for Year 10/11 PSHE lessons, I volunteered to do Bereavement. I have a few bits and bobs but do any of you ladies have any suggestions or websites you could link me to. Many thanks and hope you are all ok x

What a beautiful thread title and opening post Caz, it has made me cry - but in a good way I think.

TooImmature - what a horrible day you have had and so much information to process. Take some time to mull over the information you've been given, you don't have to rush into anything, if indeed you decide to do anything that is.

I took Cole's clothes to the refuge. I cried on the drive home but I know that it was the right thing to do. Nearly a week on, it feels like a relief to have finally made a decision about them.

hi iv been reding your threads and im so sorry for your losses, iv just buried my little girl a week ago she was 8 weeks old and still havnt got a cause of death, im 21 years old and she was my first baby im so lost and struggling to come to terms with whats happened can anybody give me any advice xxxxx

Morning girls xx

Welcome Mummy, to our 'safe haven' thread. Im sorry you have had to find us but also glad you did. You will get lots of support here.

Im very sorry for your loss xx

Morning ladies xx

I am so sorry you have lost your baby girl Mummy. You will find support and understanding from the mums here and you will never be judged. xx

What a dreadful day you had tooimmature I am so sorry. xx

Well done for dealing with Coles clothes Ilike that was a massive step for you. xx

mummy so glad you have found our thread, and hope it helps you through the tough times ahead.

This thread has been a life saver for me 10 weeks on from the death of my baby girl.

tooimm Im sending you lots of hugs and been thinking of you all night,

Im off to have a scan later today to check out my fibroids, going to be hard as the last scan I had told me my baby was dead. I need to do this though I need to know what they are doing, Im going through lots in my head though, what if they have changed and now its impossible to have more children. My bad imagination, Im sure its fine but as a typical women I cant help but have it in the back of my mind.

mummy sending love and welcome. Please feel free to say anything you need to say here, and tell us all about your little girl when you are ready. I'm so sorry you've had to find this thread.

I'm feeling yucky today...

but my blog has gone live the MN network so that is quite nice. Hope it raises even more awareness.

ilike sending you love too. Handing over Cole's clothes must've been heartbreaking, a massively brave step and I'm not surprised you sobbed afterwards.

I'm dreading having to go through Belle's clothes to make room for Xander's and find out what bits will be useful for him too. Her clothes will go in the attic, I cannot bring myself to move them on elsewhere. Not sure when they point will come but not yet, maybe never. The attic will be a big enough step for now. Will build up to that when I've finished work for the summer.

hi ladies, tooimmature i am so angry for you! I am too having to live with the what if's. I hope you are ok hugs to you and Thea.

cheese i cant find you on FB, are you wearing a purple top in your profile pic, with another surname in brackets? I am L.i.n.d.a s.t.e.v.e.n.s.o.n i have a chloes count the kicks footprints on my profile pic.

mummy I am so, so sorry to hear of your little girl. This thread has been so supportive fro me, the girls on here are fab. I too lost a little girl, Zoe was born asleep at 41 weeks on 28th feb 2011.

pfff feel a bit :(
went to the GP as I have a bladder infection. He prescribed me antibiotics. Only just finished a course of them last week.
He didn't even ask how I was feeling or anything. When I went back out passed by reception to ask for my sick note the midwife had arranged, the receptionist went back to the GP to get it. I hope he feels bad now!
I was going to ask about counselling but didn't dare to.

If anyone wants to add me on FB I'm H.a.n.n.a.h M.or.r.i.s and I've got this thread's title as my profile pic

Afternoon, or is it evening now? How are you all today?

ilike That must have been so hard :(

mummy So sorry, hope you find some comfort here. We lost our little girl Scarlett 7 months ago now to stillbirth and it's helped me so much being here.

green how did the scan go?

Caz I registered for that the othe day but not heard anything yet. We've not gone through Scarlett's clothes yet at all. Still have a moses basket in the loft, pram in the garage, clothes in our wardrobe, bottles in the loft and steriliser that I'd bought on offer, plus breast pump. All new :( We've decided to keep them for a next time, hoping there is one.

jane I've added you, pic is of just me on my fb profile.

Blue :( (hugs)

Mummy, so sorry to hear your sad news!! My little boy passed away 9 weeks ago tomorrow he was 2 just over a week before he died!
I find on here you can say things you might not say to your family or friends!! Unfortunately people don't understand but on here we all know too well how you are feeling!!! Big hugs to you!!!! Xx
Going to Bristol hospital tomorrow to see the doctor who tried to save Oliver, just to have a chat about what happened!! I'm really nervous about going there, last time I went in with a beautiful 2 year old going for a simple test and came home with his clothes and foot prints in a box!!
I have got soooo many questions I need answering!! But I don't know if anyone can answer them?? Xx

Ginge - write down a list of questions you want the answers to. Take it with you plus a couple of pens and some spare paper. Write down the answers you are given. Its the only way I can cope with a visit to the hospital or doctors. At least then you wont forget what you want to ask. xxx

Morning girls xx

Morning everybody,
Didn't sleep last night at all!! Too many things going through my head I think!! Hope the dr can shed a bit of light for us today!!!
Who did I add on Facebook last night? Can't work it out??

Janedo?? Think I just worked it out!! Xx

Morning all x

thank u girls i feel i need to talk to people hu are going through the same or have been through the same situation, my little girl lexie paige was my miracle baby id had 3 misscarriages b4 her and lost them all at 12 week i was so happy when she arrived fort my whole life was perfect, then i took her for her first injections and after that i new sumthing was rong, she diidnt sllep at all over the night and the next moring i was playing with her in her swing she was smiling and trying to make sounds, the postman came so i went to get and wen i got bak she was struggling to breath, i started cpr straight away and she passed away n hour after getting to the hospital.
need to get alot of stuff off my chest but dont no where to start accept i want her back and i miss her so much xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

We went to see Scarlett today and took her some more flowers, feels really difficult today and I'm struggling a bit. As we left dh waved to her and that really got to me, made me realise I think and it hit me quite hard. Also had a letter from my consultant saying I hadn't had blood tests done after the birth, I was sent a letter but no blood forms so I'm waiting for my gp to call me back now. They sent a letter there as well. Hopefully I can get them done soon, I think it was for a protein s array and a thrombophilia one in case that caused her stillbirth. 7 months later and I still don't feel like I know what really happened

Hey everyone

Mummy Welcome to our special thread, I'm so sorry you have had to find yourself here. Thank you for telling us about your darling Lexie, have you received post mortem results for her death? My son, Malachy, was stillborn just over a year ago, we don't know why although a syndrome of some sort was suspected nothing was shown in the PM.

Be kind to yourself and come and talk to us when you feel ready xx

Hi everyone,
Been to Bristol hospital today. We seen the photos of the dye going through olivers heart, he drew us a diagram of what it should have looked like we now realise how different Oliver was!!
They are going to publish a case study in a medical journal about ollie, he is the only child in the world ever to been reported with this abnormality!!! It makes me feel a bit happier in a way that ollie mat save other children's lives with Williams syndrome!! He is going to be known around the world! That makes feel a bit proud don't know if I should?? Was very hard going back there though!! All the memories came flooding back!!!
To mummy, know exactly how you feel!! Just want to hold Oliver right now!! And kiss him! I miss that soo much!! We had special hugs just him and me!! He wouldn't do that with anyone else!! My special boy!!! Luv him so much!! Xx

ginge of course you are proud, your little man might help to save the lives of other children! Hope you are ok, x

Morning girls xx