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Bereavement

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Love, like starlight, never dies... Our precious children sparkling in the sky xx

984 replies

CazandBelle · 28/06/2011 11:13

"Small was feeling grim and dark. He was playing toss and fling and bang and crash. Break and snap and bash and batter. Small said ?I?m a grim and grumpy little small and nobody loves me at all?. ?Oh Small,? said Large. ?Grumpy or not, I?ll always love you no matter what.?

Small said, ?If I was a grizzly bear would you still love me would you still care?? ?Of course,? said Large ?bear or not, I?ll always love you no matter what.?

Small said ?But if I turned into a bug, would you still love me and give me a hug?? ?Of course,? said Large ?bug or not, I?ll always love you no matter what.?

?No matter what?? said Small, and smiled, ?What if I was a crocodile?? Large said ?I?d hug you close and hold you tight and tuck you up in bed at night?.
?Does love wear out? said Small, ?does it break or bend? Can you fix it, stick it, does it mend?? ?Oh help,? said Large ?I?m not that clever I just know I?ll love you forever?.

Small said ?but what about when you?re dead and gone, would you love me then, does love go on?? Large held Small snug as they looked out at the night, at the moon in the dark and the stars shining bright.

?Small look at the stars ? how they shine and glow, but some of those stars died a long time ago. Still they shine in the evening skies. Love, like starlight, never dies?.

NO MATTER WHAT by Debi Gliori

Missing my beautiful Belle, a year to the day we placed her to bed in her garden. Mummy and Daddy love you, always. To the moon and back xxx

OP posts:
frasersmummy · 29/06/2011 21:21

oh goodness I really didnt mean to stir up a whole lot of tearful memories of phone calls made .. sorry girls
On the plus side at least I wasnt the only one who did it by phone.. I was sat here tonight thinking what kind of person tells her mum by phone .. but I guess from your posts its the first thing most of us thought of

Woolly in some ways does it seem like yesterday and other ways does it seem like a lifetime ago??? Love to you all tonight

Bluetinkerbell · 29/06/2011 21:24

well I'm being surrounded by pregnant ladies at the moment, so sticking with people I don't know very well helps me coping with the ones I do know...
one of my church friends told me today she's pregnant, and wanted to tell me in person before she told on FB... she was heartbroken telling me, I told her she shouldn't, it's life, it's not her fault she got pregnant unexpectedly...

peterpansmum · 29/06/2011 23:07

Shabs as others have said that poem is just beautiful. It fits me very well also as my laughter often disguises my pain and sorrow - I will be grabbing my life by the balls and shaking it in honour of your gorgeous lad Matty tomoz xx

WoollyJo - will also be thinking of you and Niamh tomorrow xx

I've been on my soapbox all day re the organ donor register today after (accidently) taking part in a radio program this morning! I guess those of you who saw me through the first year here can prob agree that i would never have had the confidence to do that even six months ago. Something somehow must be getting a little easier - either that or I'm somehow earning to live amongst the grief.

shabbapinkfrog · 29/06/2011 23:15

PPM I too will be grabbing and shaking them PMSL xxxxx Thank you love xx

shabbapinkfrog · 30/06/2011 06:33

Morning girls xx

Happy 27th Birthday to my wonderful son. A lad who had the ability to 'make the sun shine' even on a dark December afternoon. A lad who truly appreciated 'toilet humour!!' A hugging, kissing, cheeky little monkey.

xxxxxx

hazygirl · 30/06/2011 06:36

thinking of you today,shabs and wooly jo.
i love the title , remembering our little man jayden, never forgotten my precious only grandson, you taught us all so much ,sleep on gently ,love you foreverxx

shabbapinkfrog · 30/06/2011 06:50

Thinking of you today Woolly - sending my love and thoughts xxx

lavandes · 30/06/2011 07:19

Morning ladies xx

Thinking of you today Shabs and Woolyjo xx

Happy birthday Matt make sure you all 'Pump up the Jam' xx

woollyjo · 30/06/2011 10:13

thanks all,

Happy birthday Matthew, thinking of you Shabbax

Going to pick some flowers and put them on her shared grave in a bit.

Put a thing on facebook about her today, first time I've done it since her birth/death announcement, I know my sister will think it is in bad taste but I mark my other daughters birthdays there so why not hers?

I still struggle to say her name out loud without tears in my eyes, oh and yes frasersmummy it can both feel like yesterday and a lifetime ago, infact some days I struggle to believe it happened to us at all.

Bluetinkerbell · 30/06/2011 10:24

Happy birthday to your Matt Shabbs

and to your Niamh Woolly

Having a bit of a wobbly day... when walking back from dropping DD of at childminder, bumped into people from church... I normally go to eucharist on Thursday morning and to our coffee pop in afterwards. They were commenting that I was going the wrong way, so I said I'm wasn't coming this morning. Then they asked if I was alright, and I just said yeah!
They obviously didn't know yet and I just couldn't say anything... I just walked all the way back home trying to fight the tears... :(
Luckily the bereavement midwife just visited so I was able to say how I felt.

shabbapinkfrog · 30/06/2011 10:29

Woolly have I got you as a friend on FB?? I get lost with MN names and real life names!! Im sure I used to be quite intelligent!!

Minione · 30/06/2011 11:19

Happy Birthday Matty! I now have pump up the jam going through my head!

shabbapinkfrog · 30/06/2011 11:22

Grin Mini - he had one of those little tape player things when he was about 5. We went to visit our dear friends in Newport, Gwent. As the train pulled out of Manchester train station he put his headphones on. He then sang (on top note) the entire song for the next 3 and a half hours. The first 10 minutes were really cute and very funny.......after that you could see people moving to other carriages!!! It is a song that wont go out of your head, once its in there, isin't it?

Charleymouse · 30/06/2011 12:15

Happy 27th Birthday Matty, keep pumpin' up the jam!

Happy 2nd Birthday Niamh

Much love CM xxx

gingegirl · 30/06/2011 13:37

Thanx for the new title caz!!
Remembering Oliver! He died 8 weeks ago now!! Can't believe the weeks are flying by so fast!! Has anybody had any dealings with cruise bereavement?
I know there is SANDS for families who have suffered from stillbirths, or death shortly after the birth, but there doesn't seem to be any organisation specially for the death of toddlers or young children? Just wondering if cruise has special groups for this?
Hope everybody is ok today! Xx

peterpansmum · 30/06/2011 18:29

Hi ginge, my son Gregor was also 2 when he died. In my experience Cruse were awful - I 'fell off' their waiting list and when I contacted them to check 18months on they said they'd written to me and I didn't respond, however I never, ever received their letter. I have heard some good things about them but I think their service varies area to area... Where abouts are you? The best support I have received was from my health visitor in the early months, the ladies on here, the Scottish Cot Death Trust, SUDC in America and after approx 5 months I started seeing a counsellor whom I still see now. What happened to Oliver? Totally understand if you don't want to share. I do agree with what you said about there not being specific organisations.

gingegirl · 30/06/2011 20:41

Peterpansmum, I live in southwales, there is a group locally, didn't realise there would be a waiting list!!
I don't mind talking about Oliver at all!! He was born with a genetic condition called Williams syndrome, although we didn't know until a couple of months before he died and it wasn't formally diagnosed until he died! It's quite rare! It is a deletion of part of chromosome 7.
We knew he had a small heart condition called pulmonary artery stenosis which is a narrowing of the artery going from the heart to the lungs, one week before he died he had a detailed heart scan and they found 3 other problems and his heart wasn't functioning as it should.
On may 4th we went to Bristol hospital for him to have a cardiac catheter but because he had williams syndrome we were told that there was a5% chance of him dying during the test, but you always think it's not going to happen to you and they had to find out why his heart wasn't working properly!!
Unfortunately when they give him anaesthetic he has a cardiac arrest, they resuscitated him and carried on. He then suffered another and was put on life support. He suffered five arrests in total.
We had to make the decision to turn off the life support and leave him pass away in our arms peacefully!!
It is the hardest thing we will ever have to do, but it was the right thing for Oliver!! No pain for him only us!!
Sorry such a long story, bet you wished you never asked now!!
I think I remember reading about Gregor in one of the other threads, it's the shock that gets me, we knew he was going to have learning difficulties, but he was so happy and looked normal!
Do you find counselling any good?

travellingwilbury · 30/06/2011 21:54

Hello everyone , I have had such an odd day . I have been on tenderhooks because we asked a friend who is an artist to do a pencil drawing of all our three boys together and I was so scared he would bring it and I wouldn't like it . Well he brought it round tonight and I am delighted Grin

He has captured all three of them so well , I have shed a few tears and of course it pisses me off that this is the only thing I have with all the brothers together but I love it .

I have managed to put it on facebook so please have a nose at my handsome boys .

I know we have all not got round to doing fb but anyone who wants to look please send me a message and I will friend you .

Bit excited sorry Blush

gingegirl · 30/06/2011 22:00

I don't know anybody's names to add them on Facebook! Mine is Suzanne Pitt if anyone wants to look at mine, there are some lovely pics of Oliver!! Xx

travellingwilbury · 30/06/2011 22:08

gingegirl I am so sorry , I have just read your post about Oliver .
What a bloody shock (understatement I know)
I don't think we have spoken before , I am so sorry you find yourself here but I am glad you have found us .

Thank you for telling us Olivers story , I will try and find you x

travellingwilbury · 30/06/2011 22:12

I have found two , stripy top ?

gingegirl · 30/06/2011 22:22

No it's pic of me and my daughter we both have red hair, hence the nick name!! I have been posting on here for a few weeks so I'm not that new just haven't chatted before x

shabbapinkfrog · 30/06/2011 22:26

TW that drawing is truly beautiful - really, really, lovely xxx

peterpansmum · 30/06/2011 23:22

I feel so sad reading your story gingegirl, and no I am not sorry i asked, if there's one thing i have learnt in the last couple of years is that i don't ask questions if i'm not prepared to really listen to the answer Smile !

I have found the counselling has really helped me but i know some of the others on here have had hit and miss experiences with it. equally it isn't for everyone... I recently wrote an article called 'why would i need counselling?' I'll see if i can dig it out and post it on here later in the week.

I know what you mean about the shock - Gregor went from playing in the park in the morning to going for a nap and never waking up. I'll try n find you on FB too xx

CheeseandGherkins · 01/07/2011 01:22

Our internet has been down all day, just wanted to say hello and love to all, reading through now and going to post shortly. Don't want to miss anything

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