Love, like starlight, never dies... Our precious children sparkling in the sky xx

[CazandBelle]

"Small was feeling grim and dark. He was playing toss and fling and bang and crash. Break and snap and bash and batter. Small said ?I?m a grim and grumpy little small and nobody loves me at all?. ?Oh Small,? said Large. ?Grumpy or not, I?ll always love you no matter what.?

Small said, ?If I was a grizzly bear would you still love me would you still care?? ?Of course,? said Large ?bear or not, I?ll always love you no matter what.?

Small said ?But if I turned into a bug, would you still love me and give me a hug?? ?Of course,? said Large ?bug or not, I?ll always love you no matter what.?

?No matter what?? said Small, and smiled, ?What if I was a crocodile?? Large said ?I?d hug you close and hold you tight and tuck you up in bed at night?.
?Does love wear out? said Small, ?does it break or bend? Can you fix it, stick it, does it mend?? ?Oh help,? said Large ?I?m not that clever I just know I?ll love you forever?.

Small said ?but what about when you?re dead and gone, would you love me then, does love go on?? Large held Small snug as they looked out at the night, at the moon in the dark and the stars shining bright.

?Small look at the stars ? how they shine and glow, but some of those stars died a long time ago. Still they shine in the evening skies. Love, like starlight, never dies?.

NO MATTER WHAT by Debi Gliori

Missing my beautiful Belle, a year to the day we placed her to bed in her garden. Mummy and Daddy love you, always. To the moon and back xxx

Morning ladies xx

Congratulations Dee xx

Morning both - how are you today? Any plans?

Morning. Dee - so pleased that your scan went well.

Anyone heard from Caz? I feel a bit guilty lurking on your thread like this but I am so hoping for good news soon.

Not bad today. Was on skype for the first time yesterday talking to family in OZ saw baby for first time. He is gorgeous. We talked for 1.5 hours, it was brilliant, really lifted me. Then we got 4 numbers on lottery, must try to work out how £86 will change my life, I will save it till we go to OZ and spend on baby. Work later. xx

Lurk away, Mme - you're more then welcome here - still haven't heard anything from Caz though - hope she's ok.

lavandes - that sounds wonderful - who's the baby like? And remember you said we were going halverts on that lottery win?

Lavendes - sounds like a great day!!! It must be hard to be so far away from your grandson. Your trip to Oz sounds fantastic. A lottery win as well? Well done my friend xxxx

Mme - not heard anything yet from Caz - hope everything is going great for them. xx

Morning all, any news from Caz?
lavandes Skype is great isn't it? Oh luck comes in three's, maybe you will hit the jackpot on Saturday.

whatever Im glad the sands meeting went well for you, I stil don't have the courage to go along to my local group.

Hope everyone is well and has a good day.

I don't honestly think he looks like anyone, I haven't met Mum's family. He has very blond hair which both my boy's had but other than that he is just himself. Huge blue eyes. This may sound strange but it is not too hard being far away, I am used to it and it is easy to keep in touch nowadays. If they needed us we could get there in a few days. It is always horrible leaving them, I sob at the airport (I do when I get there aswell) but so do a lot of other people, they should give free tissues at the queue.

Oh dear now I will have to work out how £43 will change my life xx

Morning all. Have two dcs off school today, at least ds2 had his cast off yesterday though, he's just getting used to using his foot again now so no school until Monday at least.

I'm feeling quite down again, had a bit of a bad day yesterday and got quite overwhelmed but then picked up a little. This is all so hard :( Every morning is hard especially when I don't feel any movement like today, I convince myself that something has happened to the baby. Being only 17+5 though I shouldn't expect regular movements as such but I am feeling lots now usually. Wish I could roll the clock forward.

WTW glad the meeting went well, I've not been to anything as yet, I have asked about local groups just yesterday actually as I wondered if there were any Christmas services. It's coming up to Scarlett's first anniversary in December so I thought it would be nice to mark it in a way such as that as well.

lavandes he sounds beautiful and a lovely skype call :)

cheese I know that Compassionate Friends (bereaved parents support group) have a special day in December. Everybody lights a candle on that day and, very sadly, there are thousands and thousands of candles lit all over the world. I will let everybody know what day it is then, if anybody on our thread wants to, they can join in with helping to honour their child/children. xx

Shabs that's a lovely idea, I'll definitely light a candle on that day. I don't think I've heard of Compassionate Friends before, or at least not remembered. I think I spent the first few months in a daze after Scarlett died. x

Compassionate Friends is a 'support and friendship for bereaved parents and families by those similarly bereaved.'

I found out about it in 1982 in a baby magazine....a few weeks after Gareth died. Compassionate Friends exists in many countries around the world. They can link you to other people who have gone through the same kind of bereavement. They print a newsletter about 4 times a year with peoples stories in. That is where I first 'found' my MN (and real life) friend Triplets.

Contact details are:- NATIONAL OFFICE, 53 North Street, Bristol, BS3 1EN
The OFFICE NUMBER is 0845 120 3785 and the HELPLINE NUMBER is 0845 1 23 23 04, and their website address is www.tcf.org.uk

It helped me so much in the dark early days. xx

Just looking through the latest newsletter from CF and found this....

Things people say - by Corrine Reid

ARE YOU FEELING BETTER? I have not had an operation or been unwell, my child has died - I will 'never get better.'

I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO SAY TO YOU. Then say nothing, a simple hug says it all. Do not tell me that you understand, as you too have suffered the loss of your elderly grandparents and parents who lived a full life. Nothing equates to the loss of a child.

BE GRATEFUL FOR THE TWENTY THREE YEARS YOU HAD WITH YOUR CHILD. I wanted my lifetime with my Son.

I DO NOT WANT TO UPSET YOU BY MENTIONING YOUR CHILD'S NAME. This is disrespectful to my child and extemely hurtful to a grieving parent. My son is still part of my family; for you to speak his name lifts my heart.

HOW IS YOUR MUM? Ask how my sons siblings are coping. Many people forget about the siblings in a family. They too have suffered the great loss of someone they love very much.

I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL AS MY CHILD HAS EMIGRATED!...Words failed me on this one.

AT LEAST YOU HAVE YOUR SON'S CHILDREN. And for that I am eternally grateful and blessed but they are not my son. They have their own identities and I will not live my sons life through them.

YOUR SON WOULD WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY. I cannot ask him that question! I will never be truly happy without my son. A grieving parent does not expect happiness.

TIME IS A HEALER. It is no such thing, it is just the ticking of a clock, frozen from the day I lost my child. Time will never truly heal.

MOVING ON? To what? For a grieving parent its having the courage to get up each day and put on a mask to face the world full of thoughtless people.

CLOSURE. There can never be closure! For me closure will be when I can take my son into my arms again and kiss his beautiful face and tell him how much I love him.

Those words from the newsletter are so true, some of the leaflets on their website are very apt as well. Just been in tears reading it all. I don't know what's up with me the past couple of days, everything feels like too much and I'm fed up of it all. I always say I'm fine and pretend but I just don't feel it now at all. I feel awful and can't stop thinking :( xx

I think those feelings that you describe seem to come in massive waves that feel overwhelming. I also think that they are totally, totally normal. xxx

Definitely feels overwhelming. Trying to just breathe and relax. I've been trying really hard lately to get on with things, prepare for Christmas, birthdays coming up this month etc so maybe it's all got on top of me as well because there will be a massive void this year. I bought Scarlett a bauble for the tree last week, you could personalise it however you wanted and is really pretty, it arrived a few days ago. Trying not to fall apart xx

Shabs, how very true those words are. You always seem to find things like that, that sum up how it feels.

Cheese, can I ask where you got your bauble from? I get a decoration every year now and am always on the look out for something special.....

fmn I bought this one but there are others on the site too. xx

Oh cheese sorry you are feeling low. It must be such a huge mix of emotions being pregnant again. I was thinking about you last night as one of the other ladies at the meeting had also named her angel dd Scarlett and I was struck again what a beautiful name it is. Our hospital is doing a Christmas service perhaps your local one is too? If you contact the chaplaincy dept they will be able to tell you. The local co-operative funeral directors who arranged Erins funeral also have a little christmas service in December where they put up a big tree and invite anyone that wants to to put a star on the tree with their loved ones name on. They've asked Katie if she will put the angel on top of tree this year which is so lovely. Maybe the funeral directors that arranged Scarlett's do something similar?

The bauble is beautiful. I've been thinking I might order one from this site They've got lots of lovely memorials things on there which you might like feedmenow. Thank you from me too for starting this thread. I'm a 'newbie' here but am very glad to have found it.

Shabs poignant and accurate words from you as always. You certainly do have a knack

I'm feeling a but nervous as a work friend of mine started induction on Monday (39 weeks due to creeping blood pressure) and she was regularly updating fb until yesterday morning when it's all gone quiet. I do so hope everything is okay. I'm scared to message anyone and ask as I don't want to seem like 'the grim'. It's funny I wouldn't have thought twice about asking before this happened.

Does anyone know how Caz is doing?

Hope everyone else is doing okay x

whatever Im just good at 'pinching' stuff that other people have written LOL xxx

Still no word from Caz?

Cheese don't forget, one little thing at a time.

Mixed day today, lots of neighbours calling, I am certainly not short of people to go for coffee with or people to go for a walk with!

Had a bit of a futile shout at God today, though and more than a touch of the Why-Me's. I know the correct answer is probably Why Not Me? But I don't like that answer! Dh sat and reasoned with me and later worried that he was saying all the wrong things. But he has been terrific throughout.

Also feel a bit bad that I keep crying in front of the ds's. They do, after all, deserve to have a bit of attention from their mother which doesn't involve tears.

nope... no news yet! I just posted something on her FB wall...

Don't feel bad for crying in front of your boys chip they will understand! And it will help them too, as they will know that they can be sad as well and don't have to feel like they need to 'get over it' iyswim...

Oh Chip - please believe me that you crying in front of your children will NOT harm them at all. You should be totally honest and just say 'I wish sometimes I could stop crying but I feel so sad....I reckon we all need a big cuddle.' You are teaching them that sometimes, even adults, get very sad and it is fine to feel like that xxx

Blue ds3 is telling me to get over it! Definitely lacking the empathy gene.....

How old is DS3? x