my beloved hubby died 2 weeks ago today - suicide :(

[Blondeshavemorefun]

tbh i dont know what to say - i never expected to post a thread in this section of mn :(

I didnt expect to be a widow at 37 :(

he was severely depressed, and although had some very good days, he also had very bad days and for whatever reason he felt he couldnt carry on and took his own life on Saturday 16th april :(

i know its early days, but i cry every day, silly things set me off, like yesterday changing the duvet cover - it was hubbys's job to do that and i had to do it for the first time

its got to get easier hasnt it? :(

Blondes I so don't have it harder. Not at all. I have dh. If it was not worth it I would have him sectioned when he has a relapse and walk away.

Youa re dealing with this well, I hope talking and sharing other people's lives this way helps you but please remember you have no responsibility to deal with this well. Only to get by. Do what you need to do; and that may change along the way.

Hope tomorrow goes smoothly.

peachy do you ever think you will walk away? sorry thats a very personal question-you dont have to answer that

buda at the moment i dont feel anger for him - he killed his self as so unhappy/depressed :(

i feel sadness that he felt like this :(

went to the funeral place and saw the ofs and the booklet design is lovely

i had to mark off his jewellery off list - watch/necklace/ear ring and then when took his wedding ring out of bag i cried :(

Oh love .

I am so so sorry.

I have been where your DH was but my attempt failed. I have been thinking about you today (sorry) and made a promise to myself I would never try again.

I really hope that does't upset you me saying that.

Blondes im so so sorry for your loss.

My heart goes out to you ,your family and your poor DH.

Like Fab , i had been there too, so i understand how he must have felt a little bit. I am so so sorry that he was taken by such a cruel depression . (hugs)x

no that doesnt upset me - tbh nothing can upset me in what that people say - i found my hubby dead :( - that tops everything

what i will say is that if you didnt succeed fab, and thank goodness you didnt ((hug)), but it means you didnt really want to succeed and was a cry for help

but please dont ever get to that state again-get help/ask/cry/beg for help when you are feeling down

people say they cant do it to their family - obv dh didnt want me to go through all their grief (and bloody exspensive) but he felt he had no choice and the only way he felt he could get released from his chains of despair was to kill his self :(

and i keep saying it but the only way im getting through this, is the fact that he has to be happy now and not full of sadness

Of course nothing tops that

TBH I did want it to succeed and for many months afterwards I was pretty pissed off it didn't work. I am going through some really really tough stuff at the moment and have told DH if it doesn't go my why I am off. I will try very hard not to do it though.

Your DH is at peace now.

dont kick yourself, just meant , dont worry about upsetting me

somefriends have been pussy footing around me as they dont know what to say/might say the wrong thing

tbh there is nothing wrong they can say iyswim

If there is anything at al you need or if I can help with anything, just let me know.

thank you and same goes for you,if you need to chat,you know where i am

Thank you.

So sorry, Blondes

Blondes, this is one of the worst things that can happen to anyone. Try to treat yourself kindly - accept any offers of help, don't push yourself, rest when you are tired, try to eat healthily... Sending hugs, so sorry xxx

Oh darling I'm so so so sorry. I can't imagine. I don't think we've interacted much but I've "seen you around."

I'm so damn sorry.

Blondes - I don't know where you live, but if you're in London, this might be of interest to you. It was on All in the Mind on Radio 4 tonight:

^Suicide and bereavement
On average there is one death from suicide in the UK every 90 minutes. This means of course that a higher number than this find themselves bereaved in the most shocking of circumstances. It is such a unique kind of death that people can find themselves grieving alone and isolated. This month a new support group is starting, run by the Samaritans in conjunction with Cruse Bereavement Care. The idea is to bring together their expertise in bereavement with the Samaritans' experience of issues surrounding suicide. The project is initially being launched in London and for more information e-mail [email protected] or call 020-7439-1406.^

Details of the programme here

still here blondes

worthit im in kent

fanny im trying to eat and sleep but find both very hard

but hey im in my skinny jeans that i brought a few months ago, and they wouldnt do up then and now i need a belt

have to look on the bright side of life girls!!

trinty i think about you, as your life was completely devastated :( i still cant beleive it is heading up to 2 years :(

neither can I

I have cried for you, I have felt where you are

I dont feel there is anything I can do, noone can

I completely know where you are coming from when you say, nothing can upset, you found your husband dead that tops everything

I had so many people apologising for saying somthing incase it upset me and I just thought, please dont worry, I mean really, what could possibly upset? or what upset could even touch the despair

I cant be of any help although I desperatley wish I could

I know for me, mn besaically holding me close when I posted about anything. everything was something else, I couldn't have got where I am now without MN...all of you

more hugs.....and empathy

I must go to bed now

take care and I hope you manage to turn off and sleep

although waking up is the worst bit I found

thats how i feel trinty :( nothing anyone can say will make me feel bad :(

i wish i can sleep more,i get 2hrs a night roughly - i go to bed tired and just lay there or chat to friends - whoever is staying, then drift off maybe 2/3am and normally awake 4/5am

sweet dreams xx

Blondes I hope you get some sleep tonight xxx ((HUGS))

I am finding the conversation between Trinity and Blondes very moving and almost feel I should not be intruding upon it.

So sorry to hear about your loss Blondes x

Blondes, my heart goes out to you, I am so sorry to hear of this.

please dont anyone feel that you are intruding

If I may be so bold (, never had the chance to say that before) I think blondes would prefer lots of input on this thread and not just me and I certainly do not mind sharing with whoever is here

sweet dreams blondes, I really am going to bed now x

You may be as bold as you like Trinity (I've never had the chance to say THAT before )

I just found your words really touching

I am so sorry for your loss Blondes . I too have always noticed you around the boards and enjoyed your posts and I'm so sad for what you are going through.

My brother attempted suicide last year and failed - depression is a horrible horrible thing and I'm sure you are right that at least he is at peace now after all his suffering.

It's great you have so many supportive wonderful friends around you to get you through this difficult time. Take your time to grieve and take things one day at a time. Wish i could say something to make you feel better but I know i cant . I hope you get some better sleep soon and have a (((hug))) from me too X