my beloved hubby died 2 weeks ago today - suicide :(

[Blondeshavemorefun]

tbh i dont know what to say - i never expected to post a thread in this section of mn :(

I didnt expect to be a widow at 37 :(

he was severely depressed, and although had some very good days, he also had very bad days and for whatever reason he felt he couldnt carry on and took his own life on Saturday 16th april :(

i know its early days, but i cry every day, silly things set me off, like yesterday changing the duvet cover - it was hubbys's job to do that and i had to do it for the first time

its got to get easier hasnt it? :(

I don't think it at all weird for you to stay at home, and you have to do what is right for you and only you can determine that. As lovely GT says, you do seem surrounded by great friends and they will want to help you but at the same time you need to make your own decisions.

boss's have been fab, said to have as much time off as i like

im going back to work wed as at funeral place tomorrow collecting dh jewellery and also checking order of service :( and i only work 3 days so dont work thur/fri

thought i would ease myself into it - either i will cope at work wed or i wont but have thur/fri off then funeral next week on thur 12

i have amazing friends, and those of you who are on my fb know this

trimmer i either have a friend stay at my house in spare room or i stay at theirs - my best friend organised a rota of babysitting 'blondes' and have 7/8 good friends who share me out at nights

but daytime i either see a friend/have some time alone and im fine

its the nights i find hard - lonely

and prob faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar tmi but

i really miss sex - we had a fantastic love life even after nearly 20yrs together - maybe thats why it was so good lol - only been just over 2 weeks :(

Will someone go with you tomorrow? Yes, you do have amazing friends and one day, in different ways, you will be able to support them. Do you usually work mon Tues and Wed? I also remember you said there was change afoot.

yes work mon/tue/wed normally

and yes will either have a girl friend or bloke with me tomorrow

Hope you managed to sleep better.

Not really tbh

Went to bed midnightish then chatting to my friend till nearly 2am - then asleep and awake 5am

I might take a pill wed night as so tired and need a decent nights sleep

So sorry for your loss OP , my dp lost his mum to suicide when he was just 12 years old, dh also suffers from depression and in the past has tried to take his life (before we got together).

I don't know what to say as i have never been through this but sending you lots of hugs and i hope things do get easier for you and your family xxx

just wanted to add my condolences and thoughts , so sorry for the loss of your DH, blondes.... xxxxxxx

Sorry for your loss blondes. Be kind to yourself. I hope your first day back at work isnt too hard.

Blondes, I don't use fb very often, but what a brilliant thing it is that you can chat to friend at 2am!

I find it hard to find the right words, but thinking of you and always willing to listen xxx

So sorry for your loss.

blondes - so sorry.

thanks all

marne thats a very young age to lose a mum :(

trimmer fb is fab, plus have several friends abroad so they are often on fb at 4/5am when the 'noramal' friends are asleep

though all have said wake them if i need them, but i normally just jump into bed with them

hubby would be most pissed off looking down and having 2 woman in bed together under his roof and hes not here to join in

off to collect his jewellery in a minute from funeral home-wedding ring/watch/necklace/ear ring and check oss before gets printed :(

I've just seen this.

I am so so sorry blondes. My dad committed suicide on 16/04/04 in my parents' house.

I've not read whole thread (sorry, just can't today) but I hope someone has mentioned SOBS to you? and if not website here

Thinking of you. xxx

Blondes - I certainly don't think you were 'insane' to stay in your own house the night DH died. He didn't do you any harm in life; he's not going to do you any harm in death x You have so many memories in your home - only you can decide if the good outweighs the bad or not and this will take a little time. You'll know what you want to do - don't put too much weight in other peoples opinions on it. We have had a couple of people die in our family home and at first it is all you think about in that space, but after a while that fades, however, they died of cancer they didn't take their own lives the illness took them, but your DH had an illness too x

Don't push yourself too hard, take the time you need to grieve. Try not to bottle it up. Be kind to yourself and take time off work if you aren't ready. Grieving is incredibly exhausting.

xxx

I am so sorry. How old are your children? and how are they coping?

So so sorry for your loss Blondes :(

So very sorry for your loss x

Blondes I am so very very sorry , grieving is such a hard process and takes time, I'm glad you have good friends to support you. Take good care of yourself, it is very early days, and at the moment just try to get through each day a step at a time. xx

dame sorry to bring back bad memories for you on 16/4

alison we dont have any dc, but not for the want of trying - unfortunally we were never blessed and were in process of ivf

there i can say it without crying

'deep breath'

((HUGS))

And more ((HUGS)). Loads more.

You sound like you are coping really well. But don't worry if you don't. And you will get angry with him if you haven't already.

Please don't apologise to me.

(we all live in the house where my dad died by the way, so you're not weird or strange or unusual or anything, or we all are too.)

xxx

Blondes - I'm so sorry