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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

my beloved hubby died 2 weeks ago today - suicide :(

721 replies

Blondeshavemorefun · 30/04/2011 14:03

tbh i dont know what to say - i never expected to post a thread in this section of mn :(

I didnt expect to be a widow at 37 :(

he was severely depressed, and although had some very good days, he also had very bad days and for whatever reason he felt he couldnt carry on and took his own life on Saturday 16th april :(

i know its early days, but i cry every day, silly things set me off, like yesterday changing the duvet cover - it was hubbys's job to do that and i had to do it for the first time

its got to get easier hasnt it? :(

OP posts:
RatherBeOnThePiste · 26/05/2011 16:55

So Blondes, things definitely moving in the right direction, am sorry that it has been / still is such a rocky road for you Some of these companies talk the talk don't they, but then show their true colours..

Hopefully tomorrow Santander will be on their knees apologising to you, and getting their corporate arse into gear.

Then the holiday - is that in hand, or is it sill a battle?

My biggest Sad has been the bereavement fund, because, people surely only seek that out in times of desperate need for help? Six weeks for that simply isn't right, I'm sorry, there's no excuse.

Original poster
Blondeshavemorefun · 26/05/2011 17:15

yes pisty things are moving in the right direction but only as i chase them daddy blondes is like a dog with a bone and wont let it lie bless him - good thing he is retired and knows what he is doing :)

just seems none of the banks know what they are doing when closing and transfering an account to next of kin and a married one at that - and several times dad has told them what needs to be done and they dont listen

tbh think they dread seeing us walk into any of our local banks at the moment Grin

i shall leave him to battle out and tear strips off santander tomorrow -will keep you updated!!

forgot to mention apart from nationwide wanting a signature to take dh off our joint - erm duh he cant sign as hes dead - they have done what they said they have and both of our joint accounts are now in my name and new cheq book with only my name on it has been ordered

the bereavement fund is another matter - ANYONE who was married and either they/their spouse had worked is entitled to the £2k - but they make it hard/compliacted to get

rinders said she hasnt got hers yet and richard (rip) died a few days before mark :(

bereavement fund

clearly says that you take form to jobcentre plus to get your money - i took it down there and they said form needed to be sent away Hmm

they are all bloody useless and it pisses me off Angry

OP posts:
FlubbaBubba · 26/05/2011 17:19

I'm so Angry on your behalf - the last thing you need to do is to be chasing wanky banks for things that should be straightforward.

Original poster
Blondeshavemorefun · 26/05/2011 17:25

excalty flubber - its just not on and rinders said she aims in her life to get banks/financial companies to deal with bereavement better!!

pisty still waiting for holiday - i may ring them tomorrow and say whats happening

chippin FFS back your stuff up or pisty will yell at you!!!

OP posts:
RatherBeOnThePiste · 26/05/2011 17:58

I'm waiting for Chippin to tell me where she is, to see if we can help her if she is stuck as she says Sad But we are still going to do the external hard drive for yours aren't we?

ChippingIn · 26/05/2011 21:01

Piste - Hi - I'm in the SE of the UK.

Blondes - you are doing brilliantly. You will start to get more sleep. Tell your Dad I think he's lovely & give him a hug from me :) x

GettinTrimmer · 27/05/2011 10:20

Blondes, your dad is doing brilliantly, and glad to hear stuff is getting sorted out. Sad so many stupid banks, you would have thought they would deal more sensitively, I bet they cut corners on staff training, etc.

chipping can sympathise with computer stuff, pisty knows what she is doing though!

TheOriginalFAB · 27/05/2011 12:58

It shouldn't be about lack of training though. It should be common sense and compassion that really every one should have and not need to be told.

PanicMode · 27/05/2011 13:35

Blondes - I am SO shocked to see this - I have just emailed you.
xx

Original poster
Blondeshavemorefun · 27/05/2011 20:00

yes it should fab, but alas its not :(

panic thx for email :)

right, daddy blondes went and kicked off at santander and manager offered £25 compensation, which my dad refused and demanded more and manager said to try and claim more he needs to take it higher, and my dad said take to the top -he wants justice for me - and others who may be in the same position

he said i was having a hard enough struggle at this sad and emotional time and didnt need to have the extra burden of staff not doing their jobs and stressing me out even more

go daddy blondes Grin

so will see what happens

as i said my dad is like a dog with a bone and he is now grumpy and wont let it lie :)

Plus after tonight I would have done a whole week sleeping on my own in my house - so another 1st over and done with ♥

OP posts:
TheOriginalFAB · 27/05/2011 20:20

Well done on the whole week sleeping alone achievement.

RatherBeOnThePiste · 27/05/2011 20:42

Go Daddy Blondes!! Warrior Man!

I love the way (hollow sarcastic laugh) that they think £25 will compensate the grief, distress and bloomin hassle they have caused you. That's like a quarter of a tank of petrol. Hmm Extraordinary.
Knobs.

A whole week of being alone overnight, you've done so well...

thefirstMrsDeVere · 27/05/2011 20:53

blondes Santander used to be Abby National didnt they?
I had a terrible experience with them when trying to shut down DD's account. It took me a year to get up the nerve to do it. I was challenged by a very young assistant who demanded I show him DD's death certificate even though the account was in my name. It was awful. he was so rude and insensitive.

When I returned to try again he was still there he said 'yeah I remember you. You were the one who went off in a huff cos you reckoned you didnt need a death certificate innit?'

WHY do they have to make it so hard?

I hope you get it all sorted. I am so very sorry for your loss.

Original poster
Blondeshavemorefun · 27/05/2011 21:43

mrsdevere yes old abby national and also bradford and bingley - sorry for your loss of dd :( no parents should EVER have to bury their child :(

but seems most banks and financial institutions are uselss and very insensitive

i know i go on about staying on my own, but to me its a HUGE achievement as really dont like doing it - but needs must

im out on the piss with my girls tomorrow night and got a friend staying over and then spending a few days with another friend as got half term off so will have company for a few nights

but i needed to prove to myself i can stay alone iyswim

OP posts:
thefirstMrsDeVere · 27/05/2011 22:18

It must be very very hard to stay on your own in your house blondes. It IS a huge thing. I hope you have some fun tommorow with your friends.

Original poster
Blondeshavemorefun · 28/05/2011 04:39

6 weeks today my life totally changed - time is weird - it feels like forever since mark died :( but also seems like yesterday :(

Been wide awake since 4am

Mrsdevere - I don't mind being here in the house - I stayed the night it happened or I would have never come back if I stayed at a friends or my parents

But the nights are hard - having a king size bed to myself - no snoring hubby :(

Does anyone on here believe in the spirit world/mediums etc?

OP posts:
barbie1 · 28/05/2011 05:11

Hi blondes not posted on your thread before but have lurked and thought about you.
I'm awake if you need company

Original poster
Blondeshavemorefun · 28/05/2011 05:23

thanks barbie - im very awake and in tears - im so miss mark and no one can bring him back/make it better :(

OP posts:
barbie1 · 28/05/2011 05:26

Aww blondes i so crap at this, i never know what to say Sad...
I wish i could help more

Original poster
Blondeshavemorefun · 28/05/2011 05:28

its fine barbie, my fb lot are trying to cheer me up as i type x

OP posts:
barbie1 · 28/05/2011 05:30

phew...at least someone is better at this than me Smile Well i'm here if you want to talk..it's already 8.30 here in dubai and sticky hot. I've been up for hours!

Original poster
Blondeshavemorefun · 28/05/2011 05:35

bless you - least they know me, youve got lumbered with me, though i was wondering why you were up at silly o clock and Dubai explains it Envy

OP posts:
barbie1 · 28/05/2011 05:39

Dont be Envy i would love to be back in the UK right now, just burnt my feeting putting out the washing...ouch. Its going to be 40 plus again today and so humid that you can't see through your sunglasses for the steam. Difficult trying to entertain 15 month old when all she wants to do is to go outside to play.

Not lumbered with you either, it was my choice to post on your thread Smile

Original poster
Blondeshavemorefun · 28/05/2011 05:47

and i would LOVE some sun Envy

40+ sounds heaven, though obv with a toddler its not

was meant to be going away next weekend to tunisa for 2 weeks with dh and obv not now :(

so much for england having a heatwave Hmm

OP posts:
barbie1 · 28/05/2011 05:51

I heard about the heatwave, guess it hasn't arrived? I think they said it was going to be the warmest summer on record? i hope so, i'm coming home for 3 weeks Smile will be nice to walk, i never walk except in the mall's. Looking forward to getting the pram out and enjoying the fresh air, not the stuff that burns your lungs Wink
Did you manage to get all of the money back from your holiday Sad, apologizes as i skimmed read and haven't seen the outcome.

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