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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

my beloved hubby died 2 weeks ago today - suicide :(

721 replies

Blondeshavemorefun · 30/04/2011 14:03

tbh i dont know what to say - i never expected to post a thread in this section of mn :(

I didnt expect to be a widow at 37 :(

he was severely depressed, and although had some very good days, he also had very bad days and for whatever reason he felt he couldnt carry on and took his own life on Saturday 16th april :(

i know its early days, but i cry every day, silly things set me off, like yesterday changing the duvet cover - it was hubbys's job to do that and i had to do it for the first time

its got to get easier hasnt it? :(

OP posts:
RatherBeOnThePiste · 22/05/2011 07:40

Well done blondes! Am proud of you too. You are amazing. And I was Also a bit Hmm about the testicles !!!!

Hope you have a good Sunday now x

KnottyLocks · 22/05/2011 07:55

Way to go Smile

How's yer testicles this morning?

DS2 loves the word testicles but gets mixed up where they are. Know I know, you've got em.

KnottyLocks · 22/05/2011 07:56

Chuffity chuff... now I know. I'm only on my first coffee.

ChippingIn · 22/05/2011 07:59

Well done you!! I hope you got some sleep between 2 & 6:30. Try not to nap today if you are going to stay home again tonight - maybe go for a walk or to the gym - or better still, come over here and help me do some renovating, I can guarantee to tire you out Grin

FlubbaBubba · 22/05/2011 08:08

Well done blondes - you must be feeling a genuine sense of 'achievement' (if that's the right word?). Have lurked since you first posted but couldn't find the right words.

Very, very impressed by your continued sense of good humour (I laughed out loud at your tank of testicles - very weird image!! :o ), despite the wanky banks and holiday company. You seem so strong.

Well done again for having 'done' last night by yourself. I'm very proud of you (if a total stranger can be proud of another?).
No

FlubbaBubba · 22/05/2011 08:10

(don't know where that last 'No' came from?? Confused - certainly wasn't me replying 'no' to my hypothetical question about pride! Blush

k75 · 22/05/2011 08:11

Blondes - just caught this as not a thread i look at. We have been on the nanny thread many times over the years.

So sorry to hear your news this is truely tragic. Sounds like you are doing an amazing job and so pleased about the mortgage. That will really help.

Take good care of yourself

wizzler · 22/05/2011 08:59

Well done Blondes.Very proud of you... I am sure you will have lots of hurdles like last night to get over, but keep taking them one at a time, and you will get there.
ps.. did wonder when you said about the tank of testacles... thought perhaps it was me being unworldly, so didnt ask!!!

CoffeeDodger · 22/05/2011 09:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Buda · 22/05/2011 09:18

Well done you!

Original poster
Blondeshavemorefun · 22/05/2011 13:09

thanks guys - its a silly thing to be scared of but i managed it - tbh it was very unsettling and would keep looking towards the door incase mark came in iyswim, not as a ghost lol but i did it :)

and yes im proud of myself - got to do it again tonight - but should be easier :)

my tetra fish testicles are just fine Grin

off for a roasty at my best friends

have always said friends are family you chose for yourself and without my 'family' i would not have coped the last 5 weeks

my friends are 100% there for me (as i would be for them if same thing happened)

OP posts:
TheOriginalFAB · 22/05/2011 14:30

Łełł ðøne ?łønðeß·

TheOriginalFAB · 22/05/2011 14:38

That was meant to say well done blondes.

Original poster
Blondeshavemorefun · 23/05/2011 07:29

lol fab - how did you manage that?

well managed last night alone as well - night 2 and although i still dont like it, its something i have to get used to, and each night will get easier

OP posts:
TheOriginalFAB · 23/05/2011 07:46

No idea, it just went all strange.

Well done on managing alone last night. It will get easier.

Original poster
Blondeshavemorefun · 23/05/2011 13:51

has to get easier as cant get any harder iyswim :(

found another thing i need to cancel, dh business insurance - which i did ring up today, and said dh had passed away and to cancel it and get any refund that was due (about 6mths )

they then said they need dh to ring them to cancel it as in his name

i patiently said through gritted teeth that if he was alive he wouldnt be calling to cancel it as no need to cancel

but as he was dead he didnt need it anymore

her reply, well if he decides later to renew to let them know

i then said rather rudely, was she listening and that he would NEVER renew as he was dead - then spelt it out for her and said D E A D spells dead as in not alive

talk about a thick cow Hmm

honestly really does make me wonder about people sometimes - this more pissed me off then upset me Angry

OP posts:
cheesesarnie · 23/05/2011 13:56

people are thick and insensitve.

KnottyLocks · 23/05/2011 14:06

Am in Shock at that insurance woman. Want me to fire off a rant to head office for you? I'm peed off with my broken curtain rail today and someone needs to get it before I break it any further.

Original poster
Blondeshavemorefun · 23/05/2011 14:35

lol knotty im ok about it, have sent them an email and see what their reply is - they want the death certificate - as everyone does Hmm

if it wasnt me writing this, i would think wow that blondes has a lot of stupid people and almost think im making it up

companies need to sort out their attitudes and procedures for a bereavement cancellations and just general inquires - its a fact of life people die

good news though

mortgage is now all paid off and natwest did waive redemptation fee of about £2k - so well done natwest :)

still waiting for actual bereavement pay out and holiday insurance and now dh business insurance but hey litle steps

rinders have you got your pay out from bereavement fund yet?

OP posts:
CroissantNeuf · 23/05/2011 14:41

OMG Blondes , I can't believe that some people just don't have any sensitivity at all. As if what you're having to go through isn't bad enough already, you are having to spell it out to these people.

If you don't have the strength to do it, get someone else to contact these companies to fire a rocket up their backsides for their sheer lack of compassion or sensitivity.

On a more positive note I'm glad you managed to spend the night alone -it must have been a massive step to take but you did it!

CroissantNeuf · 23/05/2011 14:42

oops X'd posts -my message took a while to type as I had to answer the phone in between

Original poster
Blondeshavemorefun · 23/05/2011 14:49

croissant literally spell it out at people

im ok ringing them, though friend had to ring holiday insurance company 4 weeks ago but im ok talking about it, as long as people know iyswim

like today i saw a mum at school who i havnt seen for a while and she knows i go away a lot and said, have you any holidays booked and immed my eyes welled and i said i did but not now and she said whats wrong, and i assumed she knew, so had to tell her dh had died 5 weeks ago, and meant to be on holiday next weekend and she was omg

when i see her at pick up i will be fine as now she knows

OP posts:
Original poster
Blondeshavemorefun · 23/05/2011 14:51

yes have done 2 nights now, 3rd tonight - i dont like it but has to be done and as long as hall light is on downstairs im ok

friend said to stay tonight and i said i need to get a few more under my belt by myself and will do tonight and tom alone and maybe have a friend wed night

OP posts:
RatherBeOnThePiste · 23/05/2011 15:03

Hello lovely Blondes - just having my lunch ( boring 0 point soup yawn)
I cannot believe that this keeps happening Sad - this business insurance example is an appalling example, and as you say they need to sort out their procedures for bereavement cancellations. The stupidity of this woman is shocking. You know sometimes when you call places and it says "This call may be recorded for training purposes?" I bet sadly that one wasn't Sad

The fact they behave like this, shows they have no compassion or sensitivity. I'm so angry on your behalf. How many people in your position have had to put up with this crap today? One (you ) is too many.

It makes me want to go to someone like Watchdog or Panorama and expose this crap.

I'm sorry this has happened again to you B Sad

Original poster
Blondeshavemorefun · 23/05/2011 15:16

i know pisty i honestly am not making this up - companies just seem crap :(

and tbh it annoys me more then upsets me, though sure others would be upset by their stupidness - and sure it wasnt recorded, dont rem hearing that

enjoy soup and i can meet that sunday for lunch :)

OP posts: