my beloved hubby died 2 weeks ago today - suicide :(

[Blondeshavemorefun]

tbh i dont know what to say - i never expected to post a thread in this section of mn :(

I didnt expect to be a widow at 37 :(

he was severely depressed, and although had some very good days, he also had very bad days and for whatever reason he felt he couldnt carry on and took his own life on Saturday 16th april :(

i know its early days, but i cry every day, silly things set me off, like yesterday changing the duvet cover - it was hubbys's job to do that and i had to do it for the first time

its got to get easier hasnt it? :(

xenia my dad is dealing with all the deeds/land registry etc - bless him - ex bank manager and done it many times so he knows what he is doing - thank god :)

no pensions as was se

my main problem is that as there is an inquest i have one interim certificate and EVERYONE wants to see the original - where once the inquest has been complete 15 june then i can have the proper death certificate and order lots of copies - but by then most of the financial crap should be done (hopefully)

so takes forever to sort out anything as have to wait for the original to come back by registered post iyswim

I totally agree with banging your head feeling

I wish we were mortgage free I'm still shitting it about that

they are trying to take me to court for the arrears

bastards

oh trinty :( i wondered how you were doing as you hadnt popped back on here

im so sorry you still have a mortgage esp as you have young kids as well

banks are really bastards :(

oh god, I'm sorry I shouldn't have posted that

how are you doing? you bearing up?

'slaps trinity'

dont be silly - course you can post it - same as i was reading through the archives and found a post by you soon after your dh died about caren keating hubby and was it too soon to marry

you post how you are feeling and thats it :)

i am bearing up - as i dont have a choice and as ive said before, the thing that is getting me through this (at the moment anyway) is the fact mark was so unhappy he chose to die :( and therefore he is at peace now and has to be happy

compared to you/deemented/OJ/rinders who lost your dh through no fault of their own iyswim

im gearing myself up to staying on my own saturday night

I think if you take the one original to a local solicitor they will make as many copies as you want and they write on it - we certify this is a certified copy of the original, sign and date and apply their firm stamp to the copy and hey presto you have a whole load of official copies. I doubt they would charge much.

thats a very good suggestion xenia

Hi Blondes, just checking in to see how you're doing.

Shocking about the refusal to accept the interim death certificate. This is going to be my aim going forward = to try and change how the financial services sector handles bereavement. It really shouldn't be this hard for us Certified copies of the certificate you do have shouldn't cost very much. I had to have my executor's oath witnessed (for Dad's will, not DH's) the other day. It cost £7. Sure that a certified copy would probably be less. Additional copies of the regular death certificate cost £3 each, so hopefully it wouldn't be very much more than that. Then at least you could get some of this stuff closed off.

I felt really odd the first night without anyone other than the DDs in the house. I made a real effort to start using all the rooms in the house again. My first night alone I watched a movie in the sitting room (something rarely done in the last few months) and had a large glass of wine. It felt good to have some grown up time and space. There are so many bloody firsts...can't believe we have both been without our husbands for over a month now. doesn't even come close does it?

Good luck with all the tests. You are one hell of a lady Blondes.

As always, thinking of you and sending you big hugs xxx

thanks rinders

im doing ok at the moment

did some therapeutic weeding with my friend today- garden was in a right stae after 5 weeks of no hubby doing it :(

im so not a gardener, didnt enjoy it and havnt done anything in our garden for 13years as no need to

good news :)

Barclays just rang. They are accepting the intermin certificate - AND SO THEY BLOODY SHOULD - it's a legal document !!!!!!!!!

funds should transfer within 10working days, so 2 ish weeks :)

That is good news.

Maybe then you could get a gardener to help

tbh not big enough garden to 'hire' a gardener - wouldnt be worth their while to come

im prob gonna pave the earth and get a few pots so easy maintenance

and one of my boys (dh friends from school, so hes known them since he was 11, so 25yrs and me for last 19years) comes round to cut my grass

An alternative before you do this could be to have gardening parties over the summer. Supply wine/beer, friends come and help you. Social, practical and supportive all in one. Maybe even throw a bbq at the end.

We've done this with painting before and has made a boring exercise actually rather pleasant.

hmmmmmmmmmmmm if i have a gardening party and offer beer, the boys wont get much gardening done lol

Don't tell them it's rationed until they are digging

hehe, i like your way of thinking

Blondes, I've been avoiding the bereavement thread for a while and hadn't seen your awful news . I am so very, very sorry.

I'm glad that people on here have been supporting you so well. I don't know what I would have done without mumsnet when my other half died (am a bit of a namechanger - was widowed nearly 22 months ago).

It's a long haul and so difficult but I so very much hope that in these early, raw days there will be moments where the load feels lighter.

Keep posting on here, let yourself howl when you need to and keep thinking 'two minutes at a time, two minutes at a time.'

My heart goes out to you, you poor love.

Hi Blondes, have been thinking of you for the last couple of weeks. Just read through your updates, you're doing amazing well. Sending you many hugs, especially in advance of tomorrow night.

Thanks sign and novice

So 5 weeks today - sometimes feels a lifetime ago it happened and other times feels a few weeks

I'm trying to get back to normality whatever that is - so off to the gym in a tick - havnt been since royal wedding where I burst into tears in the class :(

Then shopping then doing a wedding babysit and back about 1am

Where I shall tuck myself into bed and try and sleep with no one with me

Gonna be hard but I have to do it - can't sleep with people forever

Hi blondes, good luck for tonight xxx sorry it's been such an absolute pain Rind & Blondes with ridiculous financial stuff.

Are you doing bc at gym?

That sounds like an excellent idea to pave the garden, I am no gardener myself either, I even forget to water my houseplants!

HI Blondes.. just wanted to say, thinking of you . Hope you get on ok at the gym.. make sure you are eating properly if you are going to start exercising hard.

gym was good and yes i vary between body combat/boxercise and circuits

i had oats so simple for breakie as know i cant exercise and not eat breakie

had nails redone - always makes me feel good and gonna catch up with sky+ and then go to my wedding

Glad Barclays stopped being twats came to their senses. Idjits.

I'm with wizzler on this one (us WW gotta look out for you and your food!) - are feeling like you have more of an appetite? If you're still struggling to eat much, then just take it easy at the gym. Nobody wants a collapsed blondes! We want you well and healthy!

Thinking of you muchly muchly xx

i eat when im hungry - but least eat once a day even if i foce myself - some days i eat well, others i struggle

just been totally freaked out - knock on door and a man asked if he was about, i said no and who was he, he replied an old customer and wanted some work done

i replied he was dead - totally freaked me out :( :( :(

I just wanted to say that i am very impressed of the way you are coping.

Reading your recent posts one thing is obvious: that Blondes keeps her spirit and sense of humour even in the toughest times xx

oh sorry, haven't read your last post