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Bereavement

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Original poster

my beloved hubby died 2 weeks ago today - suicide :(

721 replies

Blondeshavemorefun · 30/04/2011 14:03

tbh i dont know what to say - i never expected to post a thread in this section of mn :(

I didnt expect to be a widow at 37 :(

he was severely depressed, and although had some very good days, he also had very bad days and for whatever reason he felt he couldnt carry on and took his own life on Saturday 16th april :(

i know its early days, but i cry every day, silly things set me off, like yesterday changing the duvet cover - it was hubbys's job to do that and i had to do it for the first time

its got to get easier hasnt it? :(

OP posts:
HavePatience · 04/05/2011 15:44

blondes :( I am so sorry (this is STAREXPAT here, with a new name, from cm/nannies board).

I am so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you today and I hope it goes ok.
:(

MrsPennySworth · 04/05/2011 16:02

Hope your first day back has gone okay today.

GoodDaysBadDays · 04/05/2011 16:37

I too have been thinking about you today, hope it was ok x

SecretNutellaFix · 04/05/2011 16:45

I hope today has gone as well as you could hope. We're here if you want to talk, ramble, rant, whatever.

Jezabelle · 04/05/2011 16:59

My dh was severely depressed a year ago. It had gone on for a few years and at his worst he was suicidal. We were lucky. The drugs eventually kicked in and slowly, slowly I got him back. I'm so dreadfully sorry that you didn't Blondes.

It was not your fault. It was not.

Depression is a cruel, powerful thing. He is at rest and you will eventually be able to smile again and mean it. Keep posting xxx

Original poster
Blondeshavemorefun · 04/05/2011 17:47

thanks everyone,esp the nanny lot,as you do 'know' me lol

today went well,but i had tears when the mums at school gave me a hug (mb had told them) and a dad at other school gave me a hug (divorced, sexy but alas re married)

also thinking about next thur set me off at my friends, so they all flashed me (their way of getting me to laugh)

also got the order of service draft copy and the booklet is lovely - which again set me off

tbh it was good to go back to work - as trinty said, the first time is hard,esp school runs but next time will be easier

got a massive hug off mb/kids and woofa tried to show me how much he loves me (10.5 stone of pure male)

i cant stay off work forever so glad i went back today - then got thur/fri off

OP posts:
vnmum · 04/05/2011 19:11

I have only just seen this thread blondes.
After I had DS my DH got very depressed (was building up before DS arrived). He did seek treatment but before the meds could take effect he was in a dark place. He was suicidal but thankfully he didn't actually attempt it although he later told me exactly how and where he was going to do it. peachy I know what you are saying about constantly worrying about them. I was the same whenever DH went out for a walk to clear his head etc. I remember one night when i had just got DS out of the bath and was drying him etc, DH walked out in a foul mood. I had an idea he was about to do something but couldn't chase after him with DS. I really though i was going to lose him that night. It was only the fact that i told him i was phoning his case worker as he was walking out that actually stopped him going. I think he knew i would get everyone i could involved in finding him to stop him. The next day he was admitted to the psych ward, they changed his meds and he has thankfully recovered although there is always a part of me that worries the illness could return.

I just wanted to tell you this blondes as although what i dealt with is no where near as bad as what you are going through, i wanted you to know that i know what it must have been like to live with the ups and downs of a depressed DH.

Your DH will be eased of his demons now and will be so proud of how brave you are.

giraffesCantDanceWiOotBuckie · 04/05/2011 21:01

Glad you went back blondes. Sometimes being around kids is wonderful. Was thinking of you today actually, sorry in a non stalker way!!

GettinTrimmer · 04/05/2011 21:02

Blondes, glad it went alright xx hope you get a bit more sleep tonight.

ChippingIn · 04/05/2011 21:19

Blondes - glad you had an OK day.

Thinking of you
x

PistyNoMates · 04/05/2011 22:31

Blondes my lovely, Hope you sleep well tonight

x

NoWayNoHow · 04/05/2011 22:49

blondes, I'm so sorry, I've only just seen this thread, would've been on here ages ago if I'd known you'd started it. Away from the WW malarkey, I just want to tell you again that I think you're amazing, that I'm so sorry for what you're going through, and that if you need anything at all, especially with the funeral coming up next week, just let me know - it'll take me no time at all to get to you.

I hope you can sleep better tonight, thinking of you often and lots. xxxxx

Original poster
Blondeshavemorefun · 04/05/2011 23:16

thanks noway tbh i wasnt sure whether to start a thread off

as i said ive never been in this part of mn Blush

think everything has now been done for funeral - finally sorted out just giving page for my darling hubby - always said flowers were a waste of money at funerals - and tbh i agree

yes many on here think blondes shave Grin

OP posts:
BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 05/05/2011 09:53

Blondes - we dont know each other but I am so sorry for what you are going through.

You are in my thoughts and I am glad to hear you have such a fantastic network of support.

Virtual hugs from a stranger coming your way xxxxx

Original poster
Blondeshavemorefun · 05/05/2011 14:53

another moment today

paying for funeral - and had a blubber

tbh it is starting to hit home now and think im gonna crumble soon :(

tell me why is funeral spelt fun ....... :(

coz it isnt fun :(

OP posts:
vnmum · 05/05/2011 15:05

oh blondes, bless you,

I am sure you will have days where it hits you and better days when you think of the fond memories. It is all a process and it takes time, no one is expecting you to be brave all the time and sometimes it is good to let the emotion out.

big hugs

Buda · 05/05/2011 15:36

Blubbing is good sweetheart. And normal. And to be expected.

And no - none of it is fun. Sad

BrandyAlexander · 05/05/2011 15:52

Big hugs Blondes. I have been thinking of you today, hoping that your friends were with you as I know its your day off.

Original poster
Blondeshavemorefun · 05/05/2011 16:02

yes my darling friend vicky was with me today,as well as my other bestie friend dee was calling me as was at work

sometimes i feel fine, almost that it hasnt happened, though obv im not demented enough to think it hasnt happened

other times i think omg, how the hell will i get through this :(

and to top things off, fb have banned me for a while as had indecent pics on my page - wtf

OP posts:
TheOriginalFAB · 05/05/2011 16:18

So sorry.

Secretwishescometrue · 05/05/2011 16:27

indecent photos??? oh Blondes you are doing so well, i cant begin to imagine how much strenght its taking... Keeping you in my thoughts xxx

welliesandpyjamas · 05/05/2011 16:28

Sorry to hear of your sad loss. I recognise your name. You are being so brave and strong, it's amazing.

RatherBeOnThePiste · 05/05/2011 16:34

Blondes - sending love, am sorry you had such a difficult day, but am so glad you have all your lovely mates supporting you. But don't worry about crumbling, it happens, it's better than always being brave. You really will get through this, one step at a time, and you are not on your own.

And damn Facebook. Bastards.
Indecent? Maybe Hmm
Fabulous? Definitely Grin

Original poster
Blondeshavemorefun · 05/05/2011 17:32

secret i have boob and bum pics on fb from friends to make me laugh

and one was taken off (and he had a hot botty didnt he piste)

out with girls tonight to try and cheer me up/take my mind off it

OP posts:
RatherBeOnThePiste · 05/05/2011 18:03

Yes that bottom was smashing ! Blush

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