Thank you so much for all of your birthday wishes. And to all of the MMM ladies who made such an effort to make my day as special as it could be. You are all very, very kind. Thank you.
It's been a funny old day. This morning was really, really hard. Richard, with the help of his sisters, got me a beautiful copy of Shakespeare's Sonnets. With a beautiful inscription from him. Today I really, really got that he is gone. That's it. And I miss him so bloody much. What the feck am I going to do without him? And of course tomorrow is the anniversary of him walking himself to A&E. The anniversary of my first thread saying something like, this doesn't look good does it? How right I was. Knowing what I do now, I really don't think I would have/could have coped over the last year. But that in itself must give me strength. I have - mostly - coped and I will continue to do so.
I went for a lovely lunch today with my mother, my MIL, two of my SILs, DSS and my DDs. That was good. I had a gorgeous cake provided by one of my SILs and everyone was so lovely and kind to me. Of course they are all going through their own grief at the moment. This is fucking difficult for all of us. But being together is really helping us all I think. There is strength in love and mutual compassion. My poor MIL. She lost her husband at such a young age and so suddenly and now her first born is gone too.
DSS wants to come here as often as possible and even wants to go away with us in the summer. I am so pleased. His father would be (and was already) so proud of him. At Richard's funeral, in a packed church DSS gave his first ever public speech. There was not one person in that church who had any doubt about how much DSS loved his Dad.
So, that's it. One year on since my 40th birthday. Life has changed forever since then. My father has gone and now my darling Richard. But my girls give me strength. Indy counts, 1...2...3...Hello Daddy! every time she sees me looking sad.
Thank you everyone xxx