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Original poster

Update on Rindercella's DH (No. 2)

845 replies

Portoeufino · 12/04/2011 16:25

The other thread has reached 1000 posts, so I hope no-one minds that I started a new one......Hoping R is home with you now!

OP posts:
MissAnthrope · 29/04/2011 18:35

What a lovely tribute - I am another one in tears, and I'm generally a hard faced cynic!

treedelivery · 29/04/2011 19:09

I'm so glad that the ceremony was a fitting tribute to your Richard. I bet you are exhausted.

heliumballoons · 29/04/2011 19:11

rinders There really are no words to describe what poise and grace you have shown over the past year.

You talk so beautifully about Richard and his qualities but it is so easy to see what he saw in you too.

Lovely reading - you write beautifully and I found myself crying too although
I actually found myself laughing at your earlier description of how you met.

xx

evitas · 29/04/2011 20:16

Beautiful words, Rinders!
Glad the girls were little stars and what a nice tribute - over 200 people, it really shows how special R. was.
I hope you can have some rest.

x

SpeedyGonzalez · 29/04/2011 20:21

I too am tearful and immensely moved. You have been so lucky to have Richard - but he was also incredibly lucky to have you.

Longtime · 29/04/2011 21:02

Another one moved to tears by your beautiful tribute, Rinders. So pleased that you found to strength to read it xx

bluebump · 29/04/2011 21:08

Beautiful words Rindercella, I am very moved by them. I followed your story and only just picked up on this thread as I have been away, I am very sorry to hear about the loss of Richard.

DaftApeth · 29/04/2011 21:41

Well done, Rinders. You are amazing. It sounds like a wonderful service and farewell for your beloved dh.

AitchTwoOh · 29/04/2011 22:02

it sounds like you have a lot to be proud of, rinders, well done.

Rindercella · 29/04/2011 22:45

Thank you everyone. You know, the 'strangers' comment was largely aimed at you lot Smile Thank you for that, for all of your virtual hand holding and hugs during this awful time. I think I will need lots more in the coming months, so please bear with me.

My brother helped me so much on the eve of the funeral. We both - with our sister - spoke at my father's funeral last year. Hearing me then was the reason why R wanted me to speak at his funeral. My brother said to me that I will only ever get one shot at speaking and if I felt like I could, I should take it otherwise I might end up regretting it. I have to say that standing up and giving my tribute was the calmest I felt through the whole service. I spoke confidently and clearly and I know R would be so bloody proud of me. Later in the day, I had a quiet moment of contemplation and thought how much I would have regretted if someone else had said my words.

When we all stood up for the tributes it was quite a moment actaully. It was totally unscripted, but one SIL had Indy and the other was holding Jas, so we all went up together, DSS, my two SILs, my two DDs and I. It was spontaneous and really, really special.

It's silly really, but the only slight thing that marred yesterday for me was DH's ex saying that she felt Richard's family had given him a great send off and had done him proud - using 'they' rather than the plural 'you'. It was very deliberate and I felt it was a shame that she couldn't have been more gracious. I had after all made sure both the vicar and the funeral director knew exactly who she was and to seat her accordingly i.e. close to the front of the church rather than in the carpark. I corrected her, with a smile on my face.

So, am quite exhausted today. Managed to get round Sainsbury's this mornning - felt the desperate need for a big cooked breakfast and the farm shop was closed. Have had a bath and a rest. One lovely SIL and DSS have between them cleaned the hosue from top to bottom. Need to get to sleep soon though.

I am happy to say that DH is still very much with us Smile

Rindercella · 29/04/2011 22:48

Oh, and my 3rd SIL sang 'The Water is Wide' x

Original poster
Portoeufino · 29/04/2011 23:19

He always will be Rinders! Families are funny things. Dh's brother died earlier this year. At the funeral Dh escorted his mother from the limousine to her seat. She was sat there a while and then said to a SIL, "I wish xxx was here " - meaning dh. She hadn't recognised him!

OP posts:
Northernlurker · 29/04/2011 23:43

Great tribute Rindercella - so pleased you could read it.
Keep leaning on us - we aren't going anywhere and you've done an awful lot to support folks on here - now it's the time when you get that back twentyfold over.

QueenShrekTheThird · 30/04/2011 00:12

that's so lovely, I also had a tear in my eye (and I'm not usually one for that)
Very proud of you :)

Sariska · 30/04/2011 00:16

Rinders, what a wonderful tribute. The poster who said that Richard was as lucky to have you as you were to have him was absolutely spot on.

HRHUrsulaBuffay · 30/04/2011 00:16

Well done chuck :)) x

SpeedyGonzalez · 30/04/2011 01:33

Don't take Richard's ex's fuckwittery to heart, Rinders. Remember, she's just a caa. Grin

Well done your girls for behaving so beautifully. And my oh my if that isn't one of my favourite songs. This is my favourite version. I've just bought it on iTunes, so thanks to your SIL for choosing it and reminding me how phenomenal a song it is.

GColdtimer · 30/04/2011 01:37

It sounds like a beautiful send off Rinders and I am so glad you managed to give your tribute. I am sure Richard was with youhelping you through it.

trulymadlydeeply · 30/04/2011 09:53

Well done, Rinders.

We virtual strangers are all here for you, and will be here for the long haul, should you need us. I wish I knew you as a friend in RL: you're fabulous.

Much love to you, DDs and DSS.

XXX

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 30/04/2011 10:16

Rinders - well done x I knew you'd be able to read/say your own tribute :) It sounds like the day went really really well and was everything you'd want it to be. You organised a lovely mix of people speaking, reading & singing. It makes such a difference when you have a lovely vicar - I'm glad you feel you will become friends with her. I'm glad the girls were so beautifully behaved, making it that little bit less stressful.

I would have put the ex in the front row...in a church at least one county over! Kudos to you for simply correcting her & not flattening her. At least your DSS is now of an age where you will not have to have much to do with her!!

How did the sleep over go?

Tikkabillajive · 30/04/2011 10:20

I agree with everything trulymadlydeeply says above.

Well done for making it such an amazing day - such a difficult thing to get through and, as with everything you've been going through, it sounds as though you managed it with a phenomenal amount of strength and dignity. Your words were so, so beautiful and perfect.

Blondeshavemorefun · 30/04/2011 16:05

thank you for your message

im so sorry to hear about richard xxx

donttrythisathome · 30/04/2011 20:05

Sounds perfect Rinders. Did you look amazing too (and don't be modest).

Rindercella · 30/04/2011 20:26

Blondes, thank you and a massive hug to you x

Hmm, did I look amazing? Well, as good as I could look in the outfit provided. The dress was spot on, so were the coat & shoes. The hat looked fab, but very impractical when it came to kissing/hugging so many people after the service, so it didn't stay on for very long.

Chippy, DD1 had a lovely sleepover, I don't think they went to bed until after midnight!! She was especially close to me the following day though, so I do think she missed me however much she loved being with her best friend. We're doing lots & lots of waving and saying hello to daddy at the moment. This evening she asked who was going to be her daddy now that her own daddy wasn't here anymore. SIL and I kind of blustered our way through what was hopefully a suitable response while holding back our own tears.

I am absolutely knackered today. And missing Richard loads. Looking at forms for widow allowances, etc. Pretty depressing stuff really, especially when the only way I am getting through this is to believe it's not actually true. Hmm.

Said goodbye to DSS today, thinking he probably wouldn't be back for a few weeks but he's back for my birthday on Monday! I am so so chuffed he wants to be here. Not sure whether that's still going to be true once his uber cool aunt has gone back to London though. Hope it is - the love between him and his sisters is amazing.

God, on Tuesday it will be a year since DH first went to A&E. The day after my 40th birthday. Unbelievable. I remember writing that first post, scared witless, never thinking for a moment that the eventual outcome would be this Sad

Lots of love everyone and thank you for your continued support x

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 30/04/2011 21:11

Rinders - don't be so modest, I bet you looked stunning!

I'm glad she enjoyed her sleepover, even if she missed you and was a bit clingy the next day, it's only to be expected, especially now and even more so when she sleeps with you.... but it's good she enjoyed it and wasn't upset when she was there.

Once again, you are amazing. Just coping with a lot of waving to Daddy & saying 'Hello' would have me in bits, let alone being asked who would be her Daddy now. Kids are just so accepting of things and so 'straight up'. Sometimes it's refreshing and other times it's just incredibly sad/painful :(
You are doing better at 'holding back the tears' than I could ever do - I'm a bit of a tap!!

I think DSS will continue to be around quite a bit - it's not just the girls he loves you know x Does he still live with his Mum? If he does it might be a bit hard for him at times if she's giving him a hard time, but he's old enough now to stand up for himself and hopefully he has enough of Richard in him to do the right thing and not the easy thing.

A year... one year. Isn't it weird how that one year can seem like both a flash and the longest time ever. It's no wonder you are exhausted.

Denial will get you through a lot... it really will. Anyone who tells you that you just need to face up to the reality can go swing. Filling in the copious quantities of bloody paperwork is draining - and makes you face the reality far too often and far too harshly. A lot of people are incredibly insensitive and it's hard and it HURTS - a lot. Part of you wants to get it over & done with and part of you doesn't because everytime you have to tell someone or send the death certificate off and write a covering note it cuts right through you (well, it did me). Everything you do makes it horribly real and makes you just want to turn the clock back to when life wasn't like this.

My love, you may not have had 'quantity' with Richard, but you most certainly had 'quality' and sometimes, that is the only thing you can hold onto.

xxxx