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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

Precious memories of all our beloved children, gone too soon but they will live on forever in our hearts

952 replies

lavandes · 01/02/2011 13:43

For our beloved Richard, missed so much xx

OP posts:
Minione · 09/02/2011 17:24

Oh, I'm so happy for LF xx

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 09/02/2011 17:32

It's lovely news isn't it?

I love new babies on this thread, it always reminds me that life goes on, and to coin a phrase 'the circle of life'

Sorry Elton Blush

CazandBelle · 09/02/2011 17:40

Yay for LF so pleased to hear baby has arrived safely.

travellingwilbury · 09/02/2011 17:51

It is fab news , will be your turn before you know it Ilike Grin

bobbledog · 09/02/2011 18:20

Hello,

I'm new. Some of you kindly directed me here from my post yesterday.

I haven't really read much of this thread and I don't know all the stories, but I'll try and catch up.

I spoke to my counsellor today and fee a bit better, if only temporarily. But I'll take that for now.

Anyway, look forward to getting to know you all - and congratulations to Lunatic :)

travellingwilbury · 09/02/2011 18:35

Hi bobble , I am so sorry to hear about your son Nate , it is such early days for you still and it does sound like you have got an awful lot to deal with .
I would love to hear more about him if/when you feel able .

It sounds like you have got a good support network round you which is so important .

My son Harry died in Dec 2001 , he was 14mths old and his lungs just closed one morning . No answers to why .

It will get better I promise , you will always miss your gorgeous boy but your grief muscles will get stronger .

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 09/02/2011 18:48

Hi bobbledog, welcome to our haven. A place where someone will understand and have experienced what you are feeling.

I have read your post and I am so sorry that you lost Nate (beautiful name by the way.)

I also lost my firstborn. His name was Cole and became ill when he was 8mo and subsequently died when he was 15mo. Like you I became pregnant not long after losing C, and whilst it was a gift it also took my grief onto a new and different level.

Was I trying to replace C? Was I wrong to bring a baby into the world when I was still so deep in grief and unhappy?

DS2 was born a month or so before the first anniversary of C's death, and I have to say that his arrival really kept me going and gave me a reason to function and get through the day.

He also brought happiness into my life again and more importantly an outlet for all of my maternal feelings. After losing C I was in this strange limbo where I still felt like a mum, yet I didn't have a child in my arms.

It is over 3 years since C died and I have to say I am happy with my life. It's not the same, as there will always be a C shaped hole in our lives. I would say it is good, but different.

I hope what I say identifies just a little bit with you, and helps to show you that there is a future and that it can be a happy and fulfilled one.

All my love to you and Nate xxx

CazandBelle · 09/02/2011 19:13

bobble I'm so sorry to meet you here and to hear about your little Nate.

You sounds like you're dealing with so much on top on just surviving your sons death. I'm glad you seem to have good support around you and hope you find counselling helpful.

I hope you find here a good support too. It really is a safe haven, you can say anything without fear of being judged. We all understand although our circumstances may be different.

I lost my first child, Belle, in June. She was born sleeping at 32 weeks pregnant. Life feels a bit of a blur for me since, days, weeks, months keep passing by - I guess its called surviving. Its all we can do.

One foot infront of the other as Shab would say.

Lots of love to you xx

Minione · 09/02/2011 19:49

Hi Bobbledog, welcome to our thread I'm sorry you had to find yourself here. I'm sorry to hear about your precious son, you sound as though you have so much going on right now. Can you speak to HR at/through work, it might be a way of having more support in work (even if its just being aware of everything?).

My son was stillborn in June at 30 weeks following a complicated pregnancy, although no real reason was given for his death. I, like others have said, have good and bad days. I cannot actually believe its 8 months today since we found out his little heart had stopped beating. I also had a miscarriage in November at ten weeks.

Take care of yourself and please come and chat to us. The ladies here are simply wonderful, I don't think I could manage without them. Sending love to you xxx

frasersmummy · 09/02/2011 20:12

just a quick post...

yaahh!!! for lunatic.. I am sooo pleased for her

welcome bobbledog..sorry we had to meet like this

Hope you will find lots of support here ..

shabbapinkfrog · 09/02/2011 20:45

Hiya bobble - welcome to a safe haven. Sorry we had to meet here but glad you came.

One of my twin sons died in 1982 aged almost 8 months - he was born with several heart problems - he was as cute as a button and a little fighter. DS3 was knocked down and killed by a reversing lorry in 1992 - he was almost 8 years old. I have my surviving twin -(30 this year) and my late suprise, Tom, who turns 14 at the end of July. Had Tom when I was almost 41!! Im also a grandma to a precious little boy who will soon be 3.

I hope you can find friendship, love and support here. So sorry to hear of your precious son xxx

shabbapinkfrog · 09/02/2011 20:45

Well done LF - am going to have a nosey on the thread xxx

Heliantha · 09/02/2011 21:47

Fantastic news about LF :o

Welcome Bobble. I'm glad you found us. So sorry to hear about your precious Nate.

shabbapinkfrog · 10/02/2011 06:40

Morning girls xx

travellingwilbury · 10/02/2011 07:20

Morning all x

kazmus · 10/02/2011 09:51

morning all, congrats on the new baby, hope all is going well. Was strange having to go back to the maternity unit for my tests this week. No verdict yet and have to go back for more...did think it was a bit harsh the consultant saying oh if we find anything we'll just whip it all out after all its noy much use to you now!!!! rub it in why dont you! lol x

bobbledog · 10/02/2011 10:19

Good morning and thank you for the warm welcome.

I'm so sorry to read about all your beautiful children. I wish none of us had to do any of this.

ILTMIMI - I do identify with what you say - I really don't know if having this baby is the right thing to do, but nothing's ever going to be 'right' again, is it? Today I'd just like everything to stop and not have to think about any of it for a bit. I'll have to see how I might achieve that.

Love to all

travellingwilbury · 10/02/2011 10:38

kazmus What a joy that consultant sounds , pillock .
How did it go with Sians friend staying ? Did you manage to do the birthday book ?

bubble I remember that feeling so well , I just wanted a day off from the whole thing . I used to go to Harrys grave and have a chat and tell him I needed a bit of peace . I would then go home run a hot bath and read some trash magazine . Sometimes it worked sometimes it made me sob like a loon but it would always result in a good nights sleep for some reason .

frasersmummy · 10/02/2011 11:52

hey bobble...yeah many's the time I've thought stop the world I want to get off

My first ds was stillborn at 39.5 weeks- he would have been 7 in April I still have days when I want to run away from it

You are right nothing will ever be right again but you will find a new "normal" and although this baby could never replace your your ds it will be someone to focus your love on and to cuddle

kazmus · 10/02/2011 13:20

the visit went much better than I hoped thanks tw . It was actually really good to have the opportunity to talk about Sian with someone who loved her. Her friend did want to know things about the last month that were very painful, but as only family were allowed into intensive care during this time a lot of her friends were trying to build mental pictures and Abi needed to know what exactly went on. It was actually ok as this was the first time I had spoken to anyone about this time and it was actually a release to acknowledge some of the more distressing aspects that have so far festered away beneath the surface. It was very emotional and sad to see her reaction at the grave but I think we both came out stronger for the experience. We set off lanterns for Sian in the evening and went for a meal to Sians favourite restaurant.Paid the price after she left though and felt completely wrung out and good for nothing.

travellingwilbury · 10/02/2011 17:20

It sounds like it went really well kazmus . It is so nice to be able to talk through everything , but yes very draining afterwards .
Be kind to yourself xx

shabbapinkfrog · 11/02/2011 07:14

Morning girls xx

bobbledog · 11/02/2011 14:01

Afternoon all.

I have been to Nate's grave and had a cry. Haven't been since Christmas. Took one of his toy cars and put it with the flowers - I think the grannies had left some quite recently.

Bought the worst sandwich ever from M&S on the way home.

Tonight we're going to the hospice for our tea and to finish painting Nate's pebble for their stream of memories.

Oh, and today's our 5th wedding anniversary.

Hope your day's are going ok. xxx

shabbapinkfrog · 12/02/2011 11:35

Morning girls xx

Minione · 12/02/2011 12:32

Hi ladies, How's your head Shabs?!

Well, we have finally moved house! We have officially moved counties and are now in Warwickshire not Leicestershire, albeit on the border!

Hope everyone is ok, do we know what LF has called her baby boy?

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