37 weeks pregnant and found out yesterday that our baby has died

[CheeseandGherkins]

I'm still totally in shock, as is DH, our little girl has died. I hadn't felt movements since late on Wednesday and when I went in on Thursday they couldn't find a heartbeat with doppler. Sent straight for a scan and there was no heartbeat.

I already have 3 dcs who are so upset but it was DH's first baby.

I have to go in today, in a few hours, for a tablet to start things off but I can come home after an hour apparently and then go back 24 hours or so later (if nothing happens) to start inducement properly.

Does anyone have any experience of this? I'm scared of being induced, which sounds stupid under the circumstances but there it is. How long will it take? First 3 labours were fast, 3 and a half, 3 hours and just over an hour.

I still keep expecting to feel her move but of course she won't. Feels so surreal and that it can't be happening but it is. I was due on Dec 23rd.

I don't know what to do.

Hi Cheese, I just wanted to let you know that I am still thinking of you, I'm sure lots of us still are. If you ever want to come back and talk, please do. It might help a tiny little bit.

So am I, Cheese. You are in my thoughts, as are your dh and your dc, including Scarlett.

So very sorry for the loss of your darling daughter. My own daughter passed away shortly after her birth. I hope you have much support and love around you.xx

We registered her and the post mortem has been done so now we're planning her funeral. Looks like the week between Christmas and New Year, hoping to manage to get Ds1 and DS2 looked after as DS1 doesn't want to be there (which is fair enough) and DS2 is only 3.

It feels so real now, and it seems like so long ago that I was pregnant and giving birth but it was only last week.

We shouldn't be planning our daughter's funeral, it's just so wrong.

I will read back through the thread and reply to the lovely messages and the pm's I've had, I just really can't yet.

Thank you again, the support has been amazing and it has really helped knowing so many people have been thinking of us and Scarlett.

Cheese you, your family and Scarlett are still in my thoughts and prayers. I hope that you are all getting lots of support in rl. How old is your DS1?

my lovely, Ive been keeping an eye out for you on facebook. I am thinking of you all xxx

tis lissie btw x

My heart goes out to you and your brave family. Xx

gailforce my parents have been such amazing help, really just done everything they could for us even though they're grieving themselves. Couldn't have asked for more, other family and friends have also been there for us and offered us support, talking anything we need and it's really helped. People here have also been wonderful. DS1 was just 7 at the end of October, DD is nearly 9 and quite mature for her age so she understands everything a lot more.

Thanks so much. We've now booked the funeral for the 29th at 2pm, just need to sort out flowers, readings and choose a plot for her :( Even thinking about that makes it seem so much more real and painful, I really don't know how I'll get through the funeral, with the tiny coffin :(

We'll be thinking of you on the 29th. Such a terrible thing to have to do. If it's possible to wish someone strength, that's what we'll be doing xx

Cheese - Your family and Scarlett will be in our thoughts on the 29th. We will light a candle in her memory. x

Cheese - will light a candle on 29th

You are in my thoughts

Just read this begining to end. C&G you are a brave and beautiful woman. I'm not very good with knowing what to say and words are never adequate. Scarlett is a beautiful name for your darling daughter. I'm pleased there are people around you who are giving you some support. It's puts the trivial issues into life into perspective. You, your family and beautiful Scarlett are in my thoughts and prayers. x

I am here late I am afraid. I read of your daughter and your loss a few days ago but was unable to post at that time. My little boy Jacob was born asleep at 37 weeks 3.5 years ago. I wanted to say so much but just had no words. Jacob was terribly tangled in a very long cord :( and weighed 6lb 12.5 oz - - ery very similar to your Scarlett.

I don't know if you have found SANDS but for many months it was how I survived. I needed to know someone else really 'got it' I felt so alone - like it had only ever happened to me.

Please allow each day, each hour and each minute to be whatever it is, expect nothing of yourselves. This is the blackest place you will go in your lifetime but in time there will be glimmers of light. I can't remember the days getting easier to bear, I can't remember learning how to function again but 1 day I realised that the days had improved. That said there are still sad Jacob days and from what I have learnt there will be forever. People may start to try and chivvy you up, encourage you to get better despite you not being ill. They don't and can't understand - they are most often the lucky ones not touched by babyloss.

You never know how strong you are until strong is the only choice you have.

Much love and wishing you gentle days. Please talk if you need to and if you don't then have no fear of telling others that you'd prefer not to.
Be prepared for ridiculous, insensitive statements - people most often say stupid things because they don't know what to say. I have found it is rarely from malice. Everything does NOT happen for a reason - there is NO reason good enough for our babies to not be here. Life is unfair and sometimes downright crap.
We belong to a club no-one wants to be in - but the members of it will offer you much support and hand holding.

Sweet dreams baby Scarlett.

Much love C&G and family

SANDS are a fab organization I hope they can be some help to you. X

www.uk-sands.org/

Cheese you and your family are in my thoughts. I hope Christmas and the funeral aren't too hard.
I feel so very sad for you.

Will be thinking of you on the 29th.

Cheese will be thinking of you all on the 29th and will light a candle. Thank goodness you have such support from those around you.

Cheese - my heart goes out to you and your family. Will be thinking of you on the 29th.

So sorry for you, have no advice, just want to let you know that I`ll be thinking of you and you family

My friend lost a baby at about 30 weeks almost 10 years ago. Last year on the 9th anniversary she cried inconsolably and it made me realise that I had never really understood at all what she had gone through all those years ago. She didn't have a miscarriage (as I have had), she went through the death of a child. Totally unthinkable. He would have been her first baby. She has gone on to have three healthy children since then but she never forgets him, her other children know about him too.
I am so, so sorry that you have had to go through this too, and so sorry for your DH. x

c&g just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you today as I am sure are so many others. Xxx

I haven't known what to say, except same as 93pjb, think of you often and will have a special moment of remembrance on the 29th for Scarlett and your family.

Cheeseandgherkins - so very :( to read this. I have nothing useful to say, just wanted to be another one who will be thinking of you on 29th December.

I had an early MC on 21st December last year but it is in no way comparable to your pain or loss of your little girl - so very :( for you again. Love to all your family.