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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

37 weeks pregnant and found out yesterday that our baby has died

886 replies

CheeseandGherkins · 03/12/2010 12:17

I'm still totally in shock, as is DH, our little girl has died. I hadn't felt movements since late on Wednesday and when I went in on Thursday they couldn't find a heartbeat with doppler. Sent straight for a scan and there was no heartbeat.

I already have 3 dcs who are so upset but it was DH's first baby.

I have to go in today, in a few hours, for a tablet to start things off but I can come home after an hour apparently and then go back 24 hours or so later (if nothing happens) to start inducement properly.

Does anyone have any experience of this? I'm scared of being induced, which sounds stupid under the circumstances but there it is. How long will it take? First 3 labours were fast, 3 and a half, 3 hours and just over an hour.

I still keep expecting to feel her move but of course she won't. Feels so surreal and that it can't be happening but it is. I was due on Dec 23rd.

I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
essenceofSES · 26/12/2010 07:12

CheeseandGerkins - only just seen this. Thinking of you xx

Original poster
CheeseandGherkins · 27/12/2010 02:28

It's so helpful and comforting knowing people are thinking of us and will be on Wednesday for Scarlett's funeral. I can't sleep at all, finding it really difficult, so much going round my head all the time.

OP posts:
BranchingOut · 27/12/2010 04:00

I am up too and didn't want to leave your post hanging there, though I hope you have got some rest now.

I read your thread and am so very sorry for what has happened to you and your family. What an awful loss of your lovely baby girl.

Take care.

ChippingIn · 27/12/2010 04:12

Cheese - I will be thinking about you on Wednesday (and every other day as well), you are right - you shouldn't be doing this, it isn't right & it isn't fair xxx

I'm in the SE - PM me if I can help you by having the kids on Wednesday. I have winter tyres (apparently we're due snow Mon/Tue) and don't mind travelling a fair way to you OK x

Original poster
CheeseandGherkins · 27/12/2010 13:10

Managed to get asleep at about 6, just couldn't at all before then.

ChippngIn thank you for your kind offer, we're ok for childcare of DS1 and DS2 though and DD1 is coming with us.

So worried that I won't be able to cope...

OP posts:
ChippingIn · 27/12/2010 13:26

I'm not suprised that you are worried about how you are going to cope x

I have finally learnt something about myself (it has taken long enough to 'see' & understand this!), I am much worse during the lead up to something than I am during the actual event - so I get upset, I worry about how hard/upetting it will be, but when the 'event' happens I cope much better. Now that I understand this about myself, it does make life a little easier. I had a funeral earlier in the year that I didn't think I could cope with, I thought I would be in bits and totally fall apart. I didn't. I even spoke. I still cry every day and life will never ever be the same again - but on the day, I coped. I hope you find the same.

thumbplumpuddingwitch · 27/12/2010 14:53

C&G - can I offer you the suggestion of getting some Rescue Remedy? It is surprisingly useful at times like this. When my mum died, I was 19w pg - and it was a hell of a shock to hear that she was terminal, as neither myself nor my Dad had been given any indication of the state of affairs up until the point of her heart stopping and needing resus, and being moved to ICU. The Rescue Remedy was brilliant, even my Dad (utter sceptic that he is) agreed and used it on the days that he needed it, including the funeral. (We actually used a slightly stronger version, called Emergency Recovery Plus, by Ainsworths - if you can get that instead, so much the better)
It won't take away the pain, it won't help with your sadness - but it will help you to deal with the overwhelming effects of grief on the day - and help you "keep it together" if that's what you feel you need to do.

No one will be surprised if you don't manage it, though - such a terribly sad thing to happen, you have every right to wail your heart out.:(

Chipping - :( for your loss.

Lulumaam · 27/12/2010 14:55

ignatia is a homeopathic remedy for grief too

i don't think you even need to worry about coping or not, i don't think anyone will expect stoicism. however you get through it , will be the right way for you

Original poster
CheeseandGherkins · 28/12/2010 03:12

Chipping - so sorry for your loss too:( Been wondering about life tonight and how shit it can be.

thumb - I'll try the rescue remedy, I do have some already, ironically for labour...we've chosen some really nice poems but I couldn't read anything, I really don't think I could

Lulu - thanks for that, i've been worried about getting there and being there, I've felt anxious lately and I need to be there and "cope" in that way.

I've felt a bit off at times, can't really explain how other than just hazy and I'm scared of losing it, my mind. I feel like I've been close a few times and it scares me. Worried that everything will get on top of me and I can't let that happen with the children to look after, sigh.

OP posts:
gailforce1 · 28/12/2010 18:44

C&G I have also found rescue remedy useful and can recommend the night-time one too.
You and your family have never been far from my thoughts and I will light a candle at 2pm tomorrow.

imustbemadasaboxoffrogs · 28/12/2010 18:49

Cheese - will light a candle at 2pm

You are in my thoughts

Sad
IAmReallyFabNow · 28/12/2010 18:52

I will be thinking of you too.

thumbplumpuddingwitch · 28/12/2010 23:06

C&G - rescue remedy in the handbag, 4 drops under the tongue whenever you feel the need. I couldn't do a reading at my Mum's funeral - could barely speak the whole day - lump in the throat was too much. Someone else will do them for you.
Will be thinking of you later.
unMNly (((hugs))) for you all.

MyLittleOwls · 29/12/2010 00:11

Cheese, you will be in my thoughts later today. Wishing you strength to get through it. x

Lavitabellissima · 29/12/2010 00:32

Cheese, just wanted to send my support to you and your family for today. I've been thinking of you often these past few weeks. You have been incredibly brave and my heart goes put to you for the loss of beautiful Scarlett x x

ChippingIn · 29/12/2010 02:00

Cheese & Thumb - thank you both x

Cheese - I didn't think I would be able to speak either. Writing it took me days, I had both the person doing the funeral & a friend lined up to read it out for me if I couldn't do it - but I did so much better than I thought I would. Lots of tears but got through it. But it doesn't matter whether you speak or you don't - no-one will expect you to, so it's totally up to you, decide at the time.

I am thinking of you all the time - but will stop at 2pm tomorrow and share a few minutes with you. I hope you can feel us all hugging you and being there with you.

Much love to you all x

Merlion · 29/12/2010 03:44

Cheese - wishing you much strength and courage for today and the days to come.

mumatron · 29/12/2010 07:22

cheese just wanted to post and tell you i am thinking of you and the rest of your family today.

you are an amazing, strong woman.

Sleep tight Scarlett.

essenceofSES · 29/12/2010 07:55

Thinking of you today xx

shufflebum · 29/12/2010 07:58

Sleep well Scarlett x

93pjb · 29/12/2010 11:05

C&G you and your family are often in my thoughts but especially today. Wishing you the strength to get through today.

thumbplumpuddingwitch · 29/12/2010 11:13

C&G - will be thinking of you later. Praying that you get through it ok. Farewell little Scarlett. x

Pantofino · 29/12/2010 11:31

Thinking of you and your family today and wishing you much strength. xx

Original poster
CheeseandGherkins · 29/12/2010 12:05

Thank you all. Thanks for the advice on rescue remedy, I have some already (ironically for labour...) so I'll take that with me.

OP posts:
LoveBeingADaddysGirl · 29/12/2010 12:08

Thinking of you x

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