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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

37 weeks pregnant and found out yesterday that our baby has died

886 replies

CheeseandGherkins · 03/12/2010 12:17

I'm still totally in shock, as is DH, our little girl has died. I hadn't felt movements since late on Wednesday and when I went in on Thursday they couldn't find a heartbeat with doppler. Sent straight for a scan and there was no heartbeat.

I already have 3 dcs who are so upset but it was DH's first baby.

I have to go in today, in a few hours, for a tablet to start things off but I can come home after an hour apparently and then go back 24 hours or so later (if nothing happens) to start inducement properly.

Does anyone have any experience of this? I'm scared of being induced, which sounds stupid under the circumstances but there it is. How long will it take? First 3 labours were fast, 3 and a half, 3 hours and just over an hour.

I still keep expecting to feel her move but of course she won't. Feels so surreal and that it can't be happening but it is. I was due on Dec 23rd.

I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
CherryDarling · 07/12/2010 15:37

I haven't got any advice but I'm sitting here i tears after reading that and wanted to say I'm so sorry for your loss. I wish there was somethong I could do to help.

Sending warmest thoughts your way that everything goes as well as it can

x

maxpower · 07/12/2010 15:42

C&G well done for being so brave so far. I hope you and your family have been able to spend time with your daughter. I've not stopped thinking about you since I found out what had happened. I'll keep you all in my thoughts. Max xx

MABS · 07/12/2010 16:55

i am so very sorry, you have been amazing cheese, sleep well little Scarlett x

gettingmylifeback · 07/12/2010 17:00

C&G thinking of you all

AllOverIt · 07/12/2010 21:24

Thinking of you still, and your beautiful little girl x

AntPants1 · 07/12/2010 22:01

Well done C&G.

I don't have the words but please know that I am thinking of you and your family.

All my love

A

x

detachandtrustyourself · 07/12/2010 23:11

Oh sweetheart, I am so sorry. I have read the whole thread in tears. I am thinking of You, and your DH and family. I am so sorry for your loss of your sweet little Angel Scarlett.

DuelingFanjo · 07/12/2010 23:16

C&G thinking of you and your family x

ChippingIn · 07/12/2010 23:40

Cheese - I just wanted to let you know that I am still thinking about you all. I hope you were able to spend some quiet time with Scarlett. Love and hugs x

Original poster
CheeseandGherkins · 08/12/2010 09:12

Thank you all so, so much. It has meant so much to myself and DH to know that people were and are thinking of us and our daughter at this time. We came back home late Monday night/Tuesday morning and have just been getting by since. My milk started to leak this morning.

Once my labour kicked off it was 35 mins long but extremely painful. Her leg came down first and they had to push some of my cervix out of the way or I would have been taken in for a section. No tears or cuts and I had gas and air. My waters burst when I was pushing and it was filled with meconium. When she was born she had the cord wrapped tightly around her neck 3 times and also around her shoulders :( They said her stomach was distended too which could indicate a further problem so we went with the post mortem still.

DH held her and had photos with her but I couldn't hold her; I did see her and look at all the photos though as she is beautiful, looks like her Daddy. She was dressed in a lovely little pink dress with tights, hat and pink blanket. As it had been a few days her skin had started to peel in places and looked sore, on her face too and it was a shock seeing her at first.

She weighed 6lb 12oz. We had her blessed shortly afterwards by one of the chaplains at the hospital. It was lovely. After the birth it was a lovely sunny afternoon, it seemed appropriate.

I ended up with a canula and 2 doses of iv anti b's as they're worried about infection risk. in fair amount of pain now and been taking paracetamol, awaiting a drs call and visit to prescribe some different anti b's as I couldn't take the hospital ones in tablet form. They wanted me to stay for a 3rd lot of iv but I wanted to get home.

Our lovely midwife made us up a little box and took hand and foot prints for us, they are so tiny.

I still cannot believe this has happened, this wasn't the way things were supposed to be. She should be here with us now, at home.

My heart feels like it is breaking.

Thank you so much for all your kind words and I will get back to people that have mentioned pms, I appreciate it, I can't just yet though.

OP posts:
LadyOfTheFlowers · 08/12/2010 09:17

I have been reading but couldn't think of anything worth saying.

You have done so, so well Cheese.

You have done your little angel proud - being brave for her.

I am in floods of tears - I cannot imagine how you must be feeling.

I'm so, so sorry. :(

Our thoughts are with you and your family.

sybilfaulty · 08/12/2010 09:44

Dear Cheese

I am glad you are now home. Your daughter sounds lovely. I am glad DH held her and you both spent time with her. It was indeed fitting that it was a beautiful sunny day.

Am thinking of you and your family. Take care and god bless.

Miffster · 08/12/2010 10:00

Dear Cheese
You have been so, so brave, unbelievably courageous, it is so incredibly unfair that you and your DH should have to bear so much sorrow and pain and sadness and shock.

I am still thinking of you and have lit another candle for you and your family.

Some of us on the December thread would like to donate to SANDS or another charity which supports bereaved parents and researches infant/fetal mortality, as a small gesture of solidarity, there is plenty of time to sort that out later on though.

Thinking of you, hoping that you and your family have the space and peace to grieve together and can find support and help that is right for you

God bless.

shabbapinkfrog · 08/12/2010 10:01

Oh sweetheart - still cant find the 'right words' to say to you.

Thank you for telling us about your precious little girl. You are in a place I was many years ago....the early, raw, horrible stages of grief...I know this will sound ridiculous to you at this moment but it will get better. I will be holding you close in my thoughts.

My DS4 (he is 13) asked me about you just before he went to school this morning. He said he was sad for you but didn't know what else to say.

He must get that from me!!!

Please, please shout up if there is anything I can do to help xxxxxx

carriedafirework · 08/12/2010 10:06

oh cheese,

you have been so brave, you are so much strongerthan you know.
i have been crying over this i feel so much for you
it does seem special that the sun came out for scarlett the day she was born.
words are not enough, i will be thinking of you and hoping you get through each day, one day at a time.
if the milk is making you uncomfortable you could try soome sage the herb.
i will be thinking of you

just take things one day at a time

xxxxxxx

ItalianLady · 08/12/2010 10:22

Oh loveSad.

I have just read your latest post and have tears pouring down my cheeks. I am so so sorry and know there are no words that can make you feel better.

Have you thought about printing out this thread if you feel it has helped so you have it to read?

Also, if you feel you want to share a photograph of your beautiful daughter I am sure that would be fine too.

You and your DH have been through the most devastating experience and we are all in awe of how you have got through each stage and will be here for you as long as you need us.

ABird · 08/12/2010 10:53

Cheese, you are so unbelievably brave and strong. Words cannot express how sad I am for your tragic, tragic loss.

Life is so bloody unfair.

Sending you, your DH and your beautiful children all my love and best wishes. xxx

northernmonkey · 08/12/2010 11:06

C&G I am so so sorry you had to do this. You are so brave as others have said.
I have been thinking of you and all your family this week. I asked my dm to light you a candle at walsingham shrine and she has said she will also send prayers to all your family too.
Thinking of you all
Take care xxxx

honeycaramel · 08/12/2010 11:20

CAG
My heart goes out to you and all your family. So sorry about your precious little girl.

I lost my Emily two days before last Christmas. She was born sleeping at 23 weeks due to pneumonia caused by strep B infection ( had pm , the results were conclusive and delivered by the consultant who looked after me during pregnancy, at six week check up ).

It all happened very quickly, felt her moving Monday morning, quiet in the evening, labour started spontanously Tuesday as I woke up . Rush to hospital , scan, no hb. Delivered my baby an hour later. The shock, the pain, I know... For at least a week I just expected to wake up from that awfully bad dream.

All the staff at the hospital were absolutely wonderful in their compassion and care.

I suffered badly emotionally but also very much physically ( chest and both shoulders pain caused by stress ) for about two months but then it became gradually easier. I had my three amazing boys to take care of and that helped me tremendously.

Now, a year on, I can say I don't feel any pain, am very happy generally, but do feel fleeting pangs of sadness and regret every other day, when the thought of my little girl comes to my mind amid all the hustle of my busy life. I think this will stay with me forever.

I was afraid that Christmas would be a very sad time from then on, but it is not so at all. It reminds me of the wonderful last few days I had with my baby...my little Christmas angel.

I wish you peace and great strength to bear all this. You will always be your baby's mummy and she - your beautiful child.

tempertemper · 08/12/2010 12:53

Just another one who has been watching this thread in tears.

I wanted to let you know you are in my thoughts and prayers too. You have coped in the most difficult of circumstances, you must feel completely drained and exhausted now. I can only say to try and take it day by day (hour by hour even), and time will keep passing, and one day this will all hurt a little less.

I am so sorry this has happened to you and your family. x

thefirstMrsDeVere · 08/12/2010 13:10

Dear Cheese,

I hope you dont mind, I know this doesnt 'fit' with everyone but,

when I hear of baby or child being lost I always imagine my beautiful, kind and caring DD waiting with her arms outstreached to welcome them.

I hope that image does not upset or offend. I am usually a down to earth sort.

Take care of , you have so many people thinking about you.

ChickensHaveNoMercyForTurkeys · 08/12/2010 13:14

Cheese, sometimes I really wish that there were magic words to make everything better. I am so very, very sorry for the loss of Scarlett. I hope that knowing how many people are thinking of you and wishing you love will bring you some small comfort x

MiniMarmite · 08/12/2010 13:26

C&G so sorry for your loss of Scarlett Niamh. I have been thinking of you, Scarlett and your family and will continue to do so xxx

sowhatis · 08/12/2010 13:29

I have just read this thread and and couldnt not post and say how amazingly strong you and your DH are. Thinking of you all. Scarlett is a gorgeuos name as is the name of the DD i lost 4yrs ago. x

flyingcloud · 08/12/2010 13:37

I am thinking of you and your family. You are so brave.

You remain in my thoughts and prayers.

xx

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