Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

37 weeks pregnant and found out yesterday that our baby has died

886 replies

CheeseandGherkins · 03/12/2010 12:17

I'm still totally in shock, as is DH, our little girl has died. I hadn't felt movements since late on Wednesday and when I went in on Thursday they couldn't find a heartbeat with doppler. Sent straight for a scan and there was no heartbeat.

I already have 3 dcs who are so upset but it was DH's first baby.

I have to go in today, in a few hours, for a tablet to start things off but I can come home after an hour apparently and then go back 24 hours or so later (if nothing happens) to start inducement properly.

Does anyone have any experience of this? I'm scared of being induced, which sounds stupid under the circumstances but there it is. How long will it take? First 3 labours were fast, 3 and a half, 3 hours and just over an hour.

I still keep expecting to feel her move but of course she won't. Feels so surreal and that it can't be happening but it is. I was due on Dec 23rd.

I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
noddyholder · 06/12/2010 10:34

I am so so sorry and am thinking of you and your dh and your beautiful little scarlett xx

Poledra · 06/12/2010 10:39

C&G, I have been thinking of you, your family and Scarlett all weekend. I've had epidurals, despite being scared of the thought of a needle in my spine. They were fine - it can turned off if you feel you don't want it. It doesn't have to make you completely numb either - just enough to deal with the contractions.

I cannot imagine what you're going through. I hold you all in my thoughts.

billybunter · 06/12/2010 10:42

I was also unsure about having an epidural, I thought it would make forceps more likely. My midwife told me with subsequent births, you're less likely to need that intervention.

She was correct, no forceps were required.

Thinking of you xx

billybunter · 06/12/2010 10:43

Sorry, my post above seems unclear I think - I had an epidural and did not need forceps is my point.

ilovemydogandMrObama · 06/12/2010 10:46

C & G, have whatever pain relief you feel comfortable having. The drip will speed things up, so you may want to keep that in mind. An epidural won't make you totally numb from the waist down. You will still have some control, although they might want to put in a catheter. They take it out quite quickly though.

But whatever makes it easier for you.

PieMinister · 06/12/2010 10:47

Thinking of you and your precious baby girl and family

jenny60 · 06/12/2010 10:47

Cheese: take whatever you need. I didn't have an epidural with my second birth, but my son was a little younger than your Scarlett so I didn't need it. But I did have one with my first child and it didn't hurt. Don't forget that you are probably in shock right now. I know I was for a few days after I found out that my son had died in the womb. Keep warm, don't worry about what you feel you need to say or do: do whatever it takes, whatever provides you with relief. I repeated over and over again that I wanted him back. It helped me to say what I was thinking and the people around me respected that. I also had pictures of my other dc to look at and that helped me more than anything I think. I wish I could help you with this: I know how heart-breaking it is. But it will get better, it really will.
Keep telling yourself that. When she is born, don't rush into anything and don't do what you think you should do. Do whatever feels right to you. J xxxxx

TheUnmentioned · 06/12/2010 10:47

If you need or want an epidural, have one.

You are not awful with your fears, don't let yourself think that. You are doing fine.

Rannaldini · 06/12/2010 10:49

so sorry to hear about the loss of Scarlett.

The epidural I had made things a great deal easier and didn't hurt. I hope this helps

ZacharyQuack · 06/12/2010 10:50

I'm so so sorry. Sad

Thinking of you and your DH.

madSEmissy · 06/12/2010 10:51

my thoughts are with you both
xx

mosschops30 · 06/12/2010 10:52

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you all x

ariane5 · 06/12/2010 10:54

thinking of you x

HowsTheSerenity · 06/12/2010 10:55

I am so very sorry for you loss.

Mum1234 · 06/12/2010 10:57

So so sorry to read all the above. Thinking of you both. x

AttilaTheMeerkat · 06/12/2010 10:57

Dear Cheese,

My deepest sympathies go out to you and your family at this time.

I think Scarlett is a lovely name. It is not your fault that this has happened so please do not blame yourself.

My dearest friend's first child was stillborn and the support that she and I received at that time from SANDS was invaluable.

It is all too easy to forget about the man in all this and everyone grieves very differently. Your DH needs to be encouraged to talk about Scarlett also and SANDS can help you both if and when you require it. I would urge your family unit to make use of their services when you feel ready to do so.

My friend made a memory box for her daughter and in that was placed some of her clothes, photos, foot and hand prints and a lock of her hair. She was encoraged to hold Hannah post birth and she was glad that she had been given the opportunity to do so.

You may be offered a post mortem.

Scarlett will be christened if you so wish.

I would have to say that some people shied away from my friend post stillbirth because they did not know what to say whilst others were more willing to talk and importantly let her talk. This may well happen to you so forewarned is forearmed.

I wish you and your family well both now and in the future. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Francagoestohollywood · 06/12/2010 11:00

How tragic Sad, I'm so sorry for you all.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 06/12/2010 11:06

I have lit a candle for you - it is burning on my desk now, C&G, and there are tears in my eyes for you and your dh and your lovely Scarlett.

You are in my thoughts and prayers - and if I could do more, I would.

Be gentle with yourselves.

{{{Hugs}}}

Narketta · 06/12/2010 11:06

Me and DH are thinking of you all and sending our love.

So sorry for your loss. Sad

xxx

SRocks · 06/12/2010 11:09

Hi CheeseandGherkins

I am really sorry and am thinking of you at this really difficult and probably surreal time. I haven't posted anything before but thought I may be able to help a bit . . .

My baby was stillborn in September at full term, he had died in the womb and I was induced to get labour going and needed a drip - it took 5 days altogether. It was my first baby - labour was very quick - 2 hours once things got going and I only had gas and air, but everyone is different. I didn't want an epidural as I wanted to be in control of myself after labour if that makes sense? Me and my DP had discussed what we wanted when he was born - for e.g. I wanted skin to skin contact, my DP wanted to decide if he wanted to cut the cord (he didn't) and he wanted to wash and dress our baby. We had asked releatives to bring things to the hospital for us like his story books etc so we could read to him, and show him the special teddies we had bought for him.

Although this was my first baby I tried to think of labour as if it was a regular labour - he was still my baby - and I think this really helped me to be not too scared. My DP was very strong for me during my labour - but I know he was finding it difficult to cope. When our baby was born I was just really proud of our son - he was beautiful, and I weirdly didn't have a gush of saddness, just happy to see him. I cried a lot during labour though, I just felt really sad.

I hope this helps - it probably doesn't, everyone is so different as is every labour . . .

Berk · 06/12/2010 11:13

SRocks, I'm sure that has helped so much. I'm sorry for the loss of your son.

RockinSockBunnies · 06/12/2010 11:16

Am so so sorry to hear of this happening and just wanted to say that you are in my thoughts. x

ChildofIsis · 06/12/2010 11:28

Dear Cheese, I saw your post last night. I went to bed weeping for your loss.
Scarlett is such a beautiful name for your DD.
I do hope all goes smoothly for you today, I'm lighting a candle for you and your family.
I have no experience in what you're going through. All I can say is that the love you have within your family will sustain you.

Wholelottalove · 06/12/2010 11:29

C&G still thinking of you and your family. Had a candle burning for Scarlett yesterday evening and will light one again today.

Milngavie · 06/12/2010 11:39

Hi C&G

I'm about to light a candle here for Scarlett (lovely name btw).

I can't begin to imagine what you are going through but second the others who say it is not your fault.

My thoughts are with you and your DH today.

Swipe left for the next trending thread