Flying high enjoying their wings, Remembering our precious much loved children...

[CazandBelle]

For my beautiful Anabelle Violet. Born an angel.

Mummy and Daddy miss and love you so much. Always. xxx

Spilt I totally agree with Mini's message to you. It is good to get answers and I must admit I thought to myself....Awwww a little girl....Bobbie is a great name. If you just want to scream (any of you) just come here and do it and, dont forget, swearing is totally allowed

mini work is like I've never been away. So so busy as always at this time of year. I'm 3 full days next week - and that is all I'm contracted now. So glad I'm only 3 days and still kept the part time agreement in place - I definately still need that Monday and Tuesday to myself because at the end of the week I don't have time to think about me or how I'm feeling/coping/whatever. Also we're actively ttc now, and when we do catch I definately do not want full time hours and want to be resting as much as possible. 3 days is more than enough for me for the foreseeable future.

Take gentle steps again mini - its ok to go backwards a bit now and need ongoing support.

split - sorry I skimmed the posts earlier, started thinking about the toxo and what had been said to me and hadn't taken in your news that Bobbie is a girl. :) like mini said it must be nice to know.

Shab thanks, I'll build up to a bad day next week and needing to scream. 2nd Dec will be a year since my BFP with Belle. What a difference a year makes....

Caz Glad work is going well. Work are pretty supportive and my HOD has sent an email telling me that I shouldn't feel pressured into coming back and they will look at suppporting me etc but I read that as taking my responsibility off me and telling me I can't do my job properly. Silly , I know. I think I thought by my age I'd have more, a baby and further on inmy career. My career hasn't gone the way I wanted and I have no live children.

Sorry - I just feel really pissed off. This past year has been so shit and I'm so angry.

Thanks girls. I just cannot believe how astoundingly unlucky we have been. I have lived with cats for 17 years. To catch toxoplasmosis THIS SUMMER for the first time FFS!

It's possible that I had the toxoplasmosis before and have lost my immunity, some people are like that. But if that's the case then having had it this time is no guarantee of safety next time. I'm scared to touch anything in the house and feel very slovenly.

We're buying a dishwasher anyway. It might sound slightly daft but we figured we could hot wash everything all through pregnancy just incase the little felines had been sneakily licking stuff etc. At least it makes us feel we are doing something which is the main thing. They are also now banned from the bedroom so no more waking up to find them sat on your face

Faint line on OPK today and SWI last night so oh God it would be so bloody typical to get pregnant now . I did ask the consultant what we should do if I am pg and he said "PHONE ME!" so we shall wait and see.

TW thinking of you and your brother. I hope it's not Thursday, that would be really hard.

Caz well done on doing the 2 full days, I can well believe you are exhausted.

Mini my heart goes out to you, you've had such a horrendous time. Has you MC been complete or do you need to have an ERPC or anything? Really hope you haven't got any of that to face too. Rage away, we're all here to listen and tell you you are not going mad x

I would very much like a day off from grief please. A day to be the old me having a nice day. That would be lovely.

Morning girls xx

Morning girls.

Spilt - No, i think it's complete. The scan last Saturday showed some tissue remained but I've passed some clots and bled considerably since then so looks like I won't need an ERPC.

Going to go back to sleep for a bit. Speak later x

Moning ladies xx

Morning girls. Everybody is quiet I have the hangover from hell - not, might I add, caused by cider LOL.....still not had any since 1st September.

oh shabs!

Hope you can have a quiet day to rest your poor head!

How's everyone?

LOL thanks xx

I feel loads better - just like moaning and grumbling to myself

Hi ladies.

Well, woke up to the sound of step-son(18 next friday!) running down the stairs shouting its snowing! Reality - snowed during the night , about half an inch (if that!). Bless him, he's playing some game on the PSP now where you shoot people.

I drank the best part of a bottle of wine last night but I feel suprisingly ok! Which is lucky as WW3 is on in the living room.

Hope everyone is ok x

Hi mini I cant remember where you are...

but we had about half an inch too... but one really keen dad in the street was pulling his son about on a sledge... cue all the kids piling out with sledges...

Its such a strange feeling being happy to watch Ross giggling with glee and knowing Fraser wont.

I know I am blessed to have Ross .. its just weird

I'm in Leicestershire, I doubt it was half an inch tbh but enough to excite an almoat 18yo! I also saw some of my students (14/15 yo) with a sledge, think they were being a bit optimistic!

IKWYM, makes me sad to think I should have been buying cosy winter clothes for Malachy.

Mini thats exactly what my 4yo DS did. I'm in a couty next to you lol and we didnt have uch here either. It also disappeared really quickly poor ds wanted to make a snowman.

How is everyone this morning?

Morning girls xx

Its been snowing here much of the day .. and more expected tonight...

its been great fun for the weekend..but it would be nice for it all to disappear before I have to leave for work

Missing Fraser these last few days

Its been really quiet here recently hasn't it.

Things are really quiet here at the moment too. I think I've gone back to numb - life is so busy now I'm back in work I've no time left to figure out how I'm feeling. Calm before the next storm?

Hi everyone, I'm sorry I have not been around . I have read all the posts and I am so sorry not have posted but I have been feeling really down. It is because Christmas is looming. I feel so guilty because my older son and his partner are coming. I really need to see him, we haven't seen him since October 2008. He lives in Australia and we couldn't get him here for Richard's funeral, for lots of reasons mainly the ash cloud. I must make Christmas good for him as he is bringing his partner who has not been here before, but it is proving really hard for me.I am finding it so hard to get my head around planning celebrations when Richard is dead.I am scared that I will be upset and emotional when I see them. I don't want to spoil Christmas for anyone, but I feel so crap. There is nothing I want more than to hold my oldest son and comfort him, afterall he has lost his brother.

I know that I am probably overreacting. I should be more grown up about this but I'm not. I am very worried.

I am so sorry for all your losses and you are all in my thoughts. xxx

Hello all

Ive been in a bit of a slump the last few days. Lots of anger threatening to spill out all over the place.

Oh Lavendes - dont worry about being emotional, please dont. If Richard was still physically here you would be very emotional, and quite rightly. I would think your DS's partner would be shocked if you weren't emotional. He will be glad to be home and you will be glad he is. Please dont worry my friend.

Christmas is a very emotional time. We look around at others and think how wonderful it must be to not be bereaved. BUT we have to remember people who are homeless, people who are mentally poorly, people who have nobody to love them. Even though we have lost our beloved children we are not alone...we have each other...we have support and we have love.

Dont worry Lavendes...please xx

Morning girls xx

Morning all xx

Morning ladies xx

Thanks for your kind, wise words shabs I think I sometimes get completely overwhelmed with it all. I haven't been sleeping well for the past week and have spent the early hours thinking too much and churning everything around in my mind. If only I could come up with some good ideas instead of depressing things. xx

Morning,

Lavandes i agree with shabbs. Last year we went through the motions of Christmas none of us were really interested but the decorations went up and we tried because of my DS. It was incredibly emotional as I had hel my felings in around my family i completely broke down I was absolutely convinced it should have been me and not my DB. I'm the eldest, have lived more db deserved that chance too. I know it was irrational as i wouldn't have ever been on the back of that bike. We also all felt it on new years eve but my DH is around me as much now as he was then i actually think more so some stange things have been going on in my house lately.

Usually christmas is a couple of week celebration for us we go all out plenty of food drink and we make a point of playingg a game as a family. This year H, DS an i were all going to my parents for dinner and we were going to have one of our proper family chirstmases now its just DS and I but i think that will be better.

Ideas we usually use:
*Posh brekfast with a glass of alcohol lol,
more alcohol throught the morning christmas songs/new CD's in the background
*christmas dinner with all the trimmings
*Always read the jokes from the crackers so bad theyre funny lol

• Chat after lunch
• Set up a buffet for tea *put wii on and have a giggle at that (not to find a replacement this year as H took it / pub quiz/ silly board game
• More alcohol

As i said lots of food and drink