Beyond the distant star, I wish upon tonight to see you smile, If only for a while, to know you're there.

[shabbapinkfrog]

Our thread to honour and remember our precious children who sadly are not 'physically' here xxxxx

Hi ladies .How can any of us move on? I think its more like learning to live with whats happened and managing those feelings.[it is for me anyway].I never ever want to move on to forget about our Georgie never.

Hard day, but again, quite progressive.Went to our gp[whos lovely we see him at our gym]
and he didn t know about Georgie was in tears and gave me a hug.Signed me off for 6 weeks for now offered me anti-depressants and/or sleeping tablets but i don t see the point.Then went in to work [wasn t going to DH was going to take in my sick note but decided yes you ve got to]Felt sick but did it.1.5hrs later i left.I have the best colleagues in the world they ve been there every step of the way with my 3 MCs and Georgie was a "clinic" baby.They threw Georgie a lovely baby shower, bought her soo many clothes,now have donated over £150 to Georgie' s donation web site and were all in tears this am.They will support me every step of the way i just LOVE them all[well give or take 2 of them!!!].We even had "doppler" sessions at work, where about 6 of them would listen to Georgie'HB.

On the other hand My DHs colleagues are shit.They asked him if he wanted AL post Georgie's death!!! Today they ve cocked up his pay put him on SSP instead of AL and hs pay is down £200!!! Soo hes had to ring them for them to "sort" it out.They ve not rung,text or e mailed him when hes been off,no donations to Georgie's site.If he wasn t looking for another job before Georgie he would be now!!!!

Soo, 2 more firsts today.Hard , went shopping bought myself new clothes which felt wrong as this payday i expected to be buying Georgie stuff[ i ve got loads of clothes] and i m not,the shopping centre was full of MY pram and new babies felt choked a few times but just kept thinking "next year". It is soo hard.

Mini glad you re getting something from the counselling.....I m waiting for an appt maybe 2-3 weeks, soo thats not too bad.

SHELLYLOU hope its a sign.FX for you XX

Hope everyone is ok XX

Thank you all. We agreed DH would chose if its a girl and I a boy. Middle names for both are mine haha. DB's name for a boy obviously and Angel for a girl. Got to perusade DH on his choice of first name as i dont like it lol.

Louisesh - apologies if I'm speaking out of turn but why are you needing to get signed off? You're entitled to your maternity leave so you shouldn't have to get a GP to confirm you don't have to work. My apologies if I've misunderstood your situation and I certainly don't mean to pry, only to help. Similarly your husband is entitled to paternity leave for 2 weeks although depending on his employer that might only be the £110 or whatever it is. But if they have a contractual rate that is higher then might be worth looking into swapping to that.

I'm glad your colleagues were supportive - I have to say I'm quite apprehensive about my return to work. My husband's work have been very supportive though.

Hi AXIS i ve got signed off on sick leave as i m entitled to 6 months full sick pay per rolling year[got about 4 months left up to March].Yes i can stay on mat leave till March when was due to return anyway, but,from Nov 14th my work mat pay drops to half and along with SMP i ll loose about £400 per month.Soo, don t really see why i should be finicially worse off while i m off work.No AXIS you re not speaking out of turn at all.

Yes my DH could have had paternity leave but would have only being paid £125 per week.less than half of what he normally brings home which is why he had to put in 2 weeks AL for Georgie.However, obviously everything changed in light of what happened,.We made my DH get a sick note instead of being on AL following our daughter's death but he could only have up to 4 weeks sick as only entitled to 4 weeks full sick pay.[His company really are shit]

Morning folks x

Morning ladies xx

Morning girls xx

Morning. :) Wow I'm up early, hello world, thanks Mr Postman!

Morning all x

Morning all.Just checking in!!! XX

Good morning ladies.

A difficult afternoon yesterday. I wrote than you notes to a few of the people who cared for us at the hospital. It was really hard to do. It hurts to write that they're dead. It hurts to write that we miss them.

DH was out last night so I was on my own. He came in late smelling of booze and whilst I think speaking to his friend helped him, I think he is getting worse so I'm going to encourage him to get counselling too.

Morning all (just!)

Axis it is so hard. I have bought cards for a similar purpose and I have no idea what to write. Can't face it either so will put it off for another couple of days.

How has your day been today?

Proud of myself. I've been into a baby shop, to buy something for a friends new baby. Mamas and Papas. Its my favourite baby shop. Belle had loads from there, including her pram :( Had a cry when I came out but I did it.

Well done caz xx

Caz - well done you. I don't think I could have managed that.

spilt - up and down today. Doesn't help that I am tired. I waited up for DH to get in last night and it was gone 1 by the time we went to bed yet I ended up awake at 7.30. This afternoon I've been watching a DVD of the BBC show "pulling" which is very funny. Off out tonight with DH and some friends and so looking forward to spending most if that being "normal" fir a little but iykwim and discussing x factor or whatever.

Re the thank you cards I think best to leave until you feel ready. There is no way I could have written them much earlier than I did.

Its the first time I've been in a baby shop since Belle died Axis - its taken me 4 months. A big leap today. Poor DH while we were waiting for Belle to arrive, after we'd been told she'd died, had to go into Mothercare and buy prem baby clothes for her. I can't believe I managed M&P on my own, but this friend has been great since Belle died, and I wanted her to have something particular for her new little boy and it was the only place I knew to get it.

Hi Everyone

Caz - well done! I had to buy from my friend's little boy a present for his 1st birthday. I chose some books as I couldn't face looking at any clothes, somehow books seemed easier.

Well done CAZ its soo hard? Been out in to our local town today seem to be millions f babies,prams and pg women, of course, didn t think its half term isn t it?

Going to the cinema tonight, another first, as last time there was with Georgie.Got to do it and like you AXIS i need a break from grief, some degree of normality.

3 weeks today was, we think, the day Georgie died.At 2 pm was the last time we heard her lovely loud HB AXIS like you neither me nor DH sleeping much.Last night got to sleep sbout 2am , awake at 8am just accepting its part of grief and think i ll crash out after monday "Georgie" day.

We ve booked our mini cruise to Bruges for my bday on 1st Dec, been last 2 years and this year we weren t going because of Georgie soo decided to do it to fill our time, celebrate my bday and for another little milestone to look foreward to and aim towards.Going with sis,bil,mum,dad and Dh ...they all need a little pick me up.Especially my sister as she was soo excited about becoming an aunt. and has been soo supportive to me/us.

Hope you re all well and getting through the day XX

Hi all, apologies for my absence. I find this time of year quite difficult as it will be C's remember day in just over a week....

Welcome to Axis. So sorry to hear about your darling girls.

It's just crap being in this club isn't it?

Hello ILike :) Thinking of you.

Hello to everyone else too, especially the new ladies - sorry you are here but welcome.

I've almost been moved to contribute to another thread - the one about 'eugenics' - but I resisted. Too upsetting. I hope no-one else has been upset by some of the posting. Sorry - I realise you might be tempted to look now x

Oh Heli - just read page one and I'm already upset...

You can't read a thread like that and not get upset I think. I stay away from threads like that as you can't ever have a sensible debate. And that's not even taking into consideration the emotive subject matter ....

I've just remembered something I meant to ask a while ago on here. And sorry to harp on about it and possibly open old wounds, but on a follow up troll thread last week (at the weekend I think?), posters mentioned about Crumpette being a troll. Was anybody else aware of this, and was it confirmed by MNHQ? I would ask MNHQ to confirm, but I'm guessing I'll get a

I'm sorry! If only they knew.

Well done for going into M&P's, by the way - I struggle sometimes & my F was nearly 7 when we lost him. It's all the memories getting mixed up with the might-have-beens, I think.

Morning girls xx

Moveit - C started a thread under a different nickname. It was about her relationship with her partner. Many people called troll and she disappeared for a while. Of course MN did not confirm one way or the other - as per usual!!