split - I think I finally accepted/believe the not being pregnant after Belle's due date, when I would'nt have been anymore anyway. And until recently I was still have phantom kicks. Very bizzare. I also couldn't cope with the idea of being pregnant again straight away, and was back on the pill 9 days after she was born.
Its only really the last few weeks I've been starting to seriously consider ttc and feeling 'confident' (although not really, lots of fear) enough to come off the pill. So as long as my bad day hasn't rocked me and DH too much, I'll be off the pill in 2 weeks and start ttc properly around mid-December.
I understand that everyone deals with it so differently, and you'll do what is right for you.
Yes I've had a plan of action for my next pregnancy. I am to ring the consultant as soon as I get a BFP and I'll be bought it for an early scan, swabs, bloods etc. I'll have scans, bloods, swabs every 4 weeks throughout the pregnancy, and more often if they deem necessary as we go along. I know I'll be closely looked after next time.
The plan might change slightly after the results of my blood test. I'm currently being tested for numerous blood disorders, the results should be in soon, but they are so complex and fragile that they have to be repeated to ensure a consistent result. If anything is found then treatment for that will also be added to my plan.
From what I've been told so far though, the results as they've come in so far don't show anything. Which is good news, but also makes me sad that no reason is being found for my Belle's death.
However we refused a PM - I couldn't deal with the thought of it, plus we were told there was every chance no reason would be found from a PM. I know we made the right decision for us, because I know I'll live better without a reason, than if I'd allowed a PM and they'd 'hurt' her.
DH has been to Asda and got me treats. I've got enough chocolate and naughty things to keep me going now!