Beyond the distant star, I wish upon tonight to see you smile, If only for a while, to know you're there.

[shabbapinkfrog]

Our thread to honour and remember our precious children who sadly are not 'physically' here xxxxx

Shabba love the willy transplants

Thinking of you everlong as the anniversary gets nearer.

Shab - also loving the willy transplants! Matty sounds like a beautiful delightful boy. I'm so sorry he never got the chance to grow up. xxx

everlong - Oliver's remember day is the day after my Grandads anniversary and birthday (He died on his birthday) - its a significant weekend for me too and I shall be thinking of you. xxx

Have had a horrid evening here. Two men have died in a village very close to here. A wall collapsed onto them on a building site. All very distressing for their families. Someone said on FB that a relative was in a pub having a meal and the chef had to go as his father was one of those killed.

So sorry to hear such awful news Lottie. xxx

Morning girls xx

Morning

God, Lottie, that's awful. Those poor men and their families.

Mornin all x

Spilt I am so sorry you are walking this crappy path . It makes me shudder to even think about my life in those early days/weeks . Take it an hour at a time and don't worry about anything other than you and your dh . I know the fact that your gp is only signing you off for 2 weeks at a time is making you really anxious but please speak to them . My guess would be that they are only giving you 2 weeks at a time because they want to keep an eye on you . Nobody would expact you to go back to work for a long while yet .

Lottie What a shock , we live in a village as well and anything like that just ripples through the whole place . Be kind to you today xx

Shabs I always smile when I hear any stories about your boys but Matty is in a league of his own

Shelley How you feeling today ? The big day has arrived , good luck for tonight and I am sure you will raise lots of money and awareness . I hope you are going to be surrounded by good friends the rest of the weekend . It could be a bit of an odd one once you get to tommorow xxx

Love to everyone , going to go and have a proper read , I have been hiding for a few days .

Thanks for asking TW. I'm really nervous about people turning up. We've sold 24 advance tickets which isn't a lot but at least we know there are some people coming. A lot of people have said they will pay on the door. Went leaflet dropping in town yesterday and got loads of interest and people saying they'd pop in. Got to go mums later to sort out the voucher prizes and take the bits i've got here round so its all together. Got to find time to have a bath and beautify myself too lol awell as tidy as the babysitter and her friend are staying over. So should keep me from worrying too much.

Hi Shelley, hope everything goes ok tonight, I'm sure your brother would be really proud of you x

Morning girls.

Shelley all the best for tonight. I'm sure it will be full of people! Fingers crossed you raise loads of money.

lottie sorry to hear whats happened in your village. xx

Going to meet someone for coffee in a minute. When I agree to these things I feel ok, when it comes down to going it takes so much more braveness and effort.

Hope everyone else is well xx

Shelley the thing that you have accomplished that is worth more than raising funds is raising awareness of Roadpeace. I know it will go well tonight because your Matty will sort it out

lottie that is awful. I'm and that these things happen.

Hope you enjoy the coffee when you get there Caz, well done for going.

Just cancelled my NCT course booking , and also rung the GPs to check if I can pick up my new sick note. It turns out that the receptionist has lost the pile of sick notes etc so the GP has to redo them this afternoon...!

My bleeding seems to have stopped now. It's hard to lose all of the last physical links to what has happened.

It wasnt my village, it was one near.....
here

Hey coffee was fine. Was a very short one - was only there half hour because friend had other plans from 12.30 anyway.

Having a terrible day. A day where the massiveness of this feeling being forever hitting me again. Shab how have you survived this was 28 years? Today I just feel broken. Have had a cry but just feeling fragile.

split - I'm so sorry you're having to make all these phonecalls. Is there anymore that needs to be done? Is there anyone who could make them for you?

We still need to ring the nursery we'd enquired at and put our names down on the list for a place in May. Still cannot face it. We hadn't paid a deposit or anything like that yet, so they may just forget about us, but I don't think I could bare a phonecall months down the line asking if we're still interested in the place.

Fighting the urge to go back to bed.

Caz - I have no idea my darling.....just kept getting up in the morning I suppose. I was luckier than many of you on here - when Gareth died in 1982 I had Danny to look after - he was only 7 months old and really needed me. When Matty was killed in 1992 I had Danny to look after - he was only 10 years old and he really needed me. I had to type the same words because thats how I got through it.

I feel off the path many, many times....most of the time I would look in the mirror and looking back at me was this strange woman with 'mad' eyes....eyes that, if they had a voice, would be screaming.

I promise with all my heart that the emotions change....they soften around the edges and we do learn to live with them. Until that happens keep posting and telling people your story xxx

Caz I wish I could make it better for you . It's just so so shit that we all have to live with this.

I didn't phone the NCT, I emailed them. Is that something you could do with the nursery in due course? I find it easier to write because my tears don't get in the way or make the other person awkward when they don't know about them.

I think one of the other things I need to do is send my NHS Maternity Exemption card back somewhere. Will have to find the letter and work it out. Never got to use the bloody thing anyway

Caz , it does get easier to carry I promise . I am nearly 9 yrs down this crappy path and when I think of those early days I just can't figure how the hell we are still here . But I also remember the feeling just over a yr down when I would have given anything to be back in those early days of grief when I didn't have to do anything other than just sob . Other people put a lot of pressure on us to be "back to normal" whatever the hell that is . We were lucky in that we had some really good friends who took our lead and understood when we were in a grim place .
Listen to what your little voice is telling you , be kind to yourself and remember just the fact that you are out of bed is enough for today xxx

Theres a thread on the site at the moment saying "whatever happened to?" Someone said they realised it might be sensitive but what happened to SS?? Was she really bereaved?
I just replied and said it was better not to dwell on SS!!!

lottie - fancy stirring all that up again!!

Have changed back to Shabbapinkfrog....its like a comfy old pair of slippers

Ahhhhhhh thats better - I can see all my lovely pics again now!!!

shelly good luck for tonight you should be proud of yourself for doing something to good and positive xx

caz sending hugs and love to you xx

spilt sorting out all the 'paperwork' is one more crap thing we do not need xx

Welcome back to the pink frog!!

Sorry perhaps i shouldnt have mentioned it? You did mean i shouldnt have brought it up again??

lottie I think Shab meant other people starting new threads about it again. Although its probably because this week on the blog its all be stirred up again and people are feeding off that I guess.

Hello again old Shab name!

and thanks you ladies for always knowing what to say. xxx

ROFL I didn't mean you Lottie - I meant the numpties on that thread ROFL.....

My bed won :(