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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Why is he still waking up in the night?? What am i doing wrong???!!

63 replies

swiperfox · 12/07/2005 21:00

It's driving me mad!!!

ds has just turned one and has never slept through for more than one night. At the moment he is waking in the night and will only go back to sleep on me - and even then as soon as he goes back in his bed he screams. I had the same with dd and used to spend hours sitting next to thew cot or on the floor in the middle of the night waiting til she was asleep - now its going the same way with ds and my patience is wearing thin!!!

Help!!!!!!!!!

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collision · 13/07/2005 21:48

Well done Swiperfox!

We did it with both our boys and it worked a treat! Ds2 is 8months and now sleeps in the kitchen! I was waking every time he woke and bringing him into bed with us and was exhausted. It is cooler in the kitchen and I cant hear his snuffles.

The idea is that they learn to go back to sleep on their own without you. I also dont let my ds sleep after 4pm so that by 7pm he is tired and ready to go back down.

Hope tonight is good for you

Original poster

swiperfox · 13/07/2005 21:53

Thanks collision- it's re-assuring to hear of all these success stories! I'm with you on the no sleeping after 4 thing. He had a sleep at about 12-ish i thnk for about an hour max. Then he fell asleep on dp at about 5.30 while i was making dinner but dd came through and told me so i made him wake him up lol

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miggymum · 13/07/2005 22:35

I had this same problem with my DS he's 3. Up until about 6 months ago he would cry about 3 times a night and I had to go and lie with him in his bed until he went back to sleep. I was so tired!!!! I couldn't try the CC because we also have a DS who is 5 and they share a room so what worked for me was that I went in gave him his comforter (which unfortunately is his bottle) and told him I needed a wee and would be back in a minute and then just got into bed!!!! And now I do that everytime which means I am just woken briefly and able to get back to sleep. He only wakes up once a night mostly now.

KiwiKate · 14/07/2005 03:41

I'm with Catherese

I also hated the idea of cc. But when DS got to about 14 mo we would go in. Check he was ok. Then firmly say "time to sleep". No cuddle. No comforter (didn't want to have to get up to give him his comforter in the long run).

First night he cried, then yelled in anger. Went on for ages. Second night he went on for about 5 minutes.

Third night we didn't even go in, but yelled out "go to sleep". He's slept through ever since (unless he is sick). He is now 2.2yo. Once you start lying down in their rooms then it becomes much more difficult for them when you want to change that behaviour.

PiccadillyCircus · 14/07/2005 04:16

Can I tentatively join in here please?

DS (19 months) used to be a 7-7 type of sleeper, now he is waking nearly every night. Ends up having a bottle of milk which I know is not good.

I am nearly 7 months pregnant and having enough problems of my own sleeping. Doesn't help that we know that neighbours can hear when he cries.

Think I am being incoherent but it is 4 in the morning so I am probably allowed to be.

I think DH and I need to work out something to do rather than the haphazard things which are happening at the moment. Also doesn't help that my parents will be staying the night on Saturday night and I don't want them to (a) get woken up (b) discover that we are not good at getting our child to sleep.

He's in his travel cot as we discovered he could get out of the ordinary cot. Can't decide whether it is time for a bed. We're also having going to sleep problems - tonight as DH is out maybe I will be tougher with him then.

Anyway, thinking of doing some ironing as I am awake anyway and it does need doing.

kath4kids · 14/07/2005 05:19

Can i join in too. dd never been good sleeper but after about 7 months did go off on her own in her own bed, woke a few times a night some nights woke and came in our bed sometimes managed to resettle her.

Now she won't go to sleep on her own at all have to hold her hand until asleep. Then she wakes anything from 10.30 on and is impossible to resettle, bring her in our bed and don't hear her all night.

Can't do cc as shares bedroom with ds15months and two others that she wakes if we let her cry.

Should i just resign myself to the fact that she sleeps in our bed or should i try at all costs to make her sleep in her own bed. Don't know where this went so wrong. I'm up now coz ds stirred went in to give him his dummy and now cant get back to sleep myself. Too much on my mind. Hubby may be loosing job today.

kath4kids · 14/07/2005 05:19

sorry she is 2.5 yrs

ETsmum · 14/07/2005 08:04

Swiperfox - sorry didn't have time to post yesterday (trying rweally hard to curb my growing MN addiction!)

Well done you on the 1st night, how did it go last night? As others have said, he will probably still wake up occasionally, but he will HOPEFULLY get the idea very soon of how to get back to sleep quietly without you We occasionally - very occasionally - hear ds chatting for a min or 2 in the night....find it sweet compared to the crying!! He's 2 at the end of the month btw.

Hope its still going ok for you.

ETsmum · 14/07/2005 08:12

PC, poor you! We have the same thing with the neighbours as we're in a maisonette with paper thin floors. Luckily she has 2 (older) kids and never complained!

Re the ned....not experienced, but my instinct would say maybe leave it till well after the new baby arrives....maybe someone else has had a similar situation. Imo I'd ve "tough" and not give him the milk. Try cc and try to have inm sleeping through before the 2nd one arrives?? Know it's easy for me to say as I'm not the one 7 months pg in this heat! You have my sympethies

Kath - sympethies mut I only have the 1 to deal with. Think it would be great if you can get dd to stay in her own bed, but don't know how if all the others get woken if she cries.....

Good luck with your dh as well.....sounds like you have a lot on your plate at the mo....

bumptobabies · 14/07/2005 08:30

does cc work in the night if you share a room. ds is 23mths and its got to the point where dp sleeps with him and i sleep in dds room i cant let them share as he would disturb her.
what do i do as dp misses me in bed. i would just like ds to go to bed without us waiting for him to go to sleep and for him to sleep through.
please help.

Original poster

swiperfox · 14/07/2005 10:05

Hi everyone Last night I took him up to bed after he fell asleep down here at 9.30 ish. He woke up crying about half an hour later, but i ignored him and he went back to sleep. Then he woke again sometime through the night and I woke up thinking 'Right, here goes!' I went into him, laid him down, said night night, gave him a kiss. When i walked out he screamed. I laid in bed and thought 'I'm too tired to do this!' so i didn't go back and he fell asleep in about 5 minutes

I have to admit I have always thought I would never do cc but if it's that easy then everyone should do it!! With the ones who share a room would it be feasible to take the older ones into your room for a couple of nights while you try to crack the cc?

When dd used to wake up I used to go and sit in her room for hours and then try and sneak out when she was asleep but she'd usually wake up straight away and scream again so i'd go back to her and sit there again for hours. Sometimes i would take her into our bed just to get some sleep - it turned into a really bad habit and went on til she was nearly 2. There's no way i can do that again!

I definately recommend giving this a go though.

The bit I don't understand is why they keep waking up!! Surely they need their whole nights sleep. Could it be the heat?

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KiwiKate · 14/07/2005 11:05

Good on you SF. If you are able to keep it up they should soon learn that there is no point in waking up.

K4K - all I can tell you is that a friend of mine started down a similar path to you and now has a 6 year old that terrorises them every night. Either DEMANDING to sleep in the parents bed, or have one of the parents sleep with her. Both parents are at the point of near-breakdown from YEARS of sleep deprivation. Personally, I'd try not to go down a track that I don't mean to continue (ie. don't sleep in their room etc) because then when you change the pattern they get confused and cross and its more difficult to get out of. Maybe SF's recent post will give you some hope? Any chance of putting her to bed before the other kids (tell her this is the new rule because she's disturbing them?) that might give you time to settle her first? Of course she'll be mad at you, but it sounds like you need drastic measures.

Possibly she is sensing some of the tension in your home? (Sorry to hear about hubby. Hope things are still ok at his job). But the last thing you need now is sleep deprivation!

KiwiKate · 14/07/2005 11:07

BTB - I did a cc night when a friend's child stayed over. Thought it would be crazy, but the other child just ignored DS and stayed asleep. Guess the only thing you can do is try it. If it's a problem, try and move the good sleeper into your room (but not your bed, otherwise they'll end up not wanting to leave!) for a few nights until the problem sleeper settles, or put the problem sleeper to bed first.

Original poster

swiperfox · 14/07/2005 11:18

Ihave to say that dd (3.7) ever wakes up when fin is screaming and their bedrooms are right next to each other.

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KiwiKate · 14/07/2005 11:20

"ever" or "never" SF?

Original poster

swiperfox · 14/07/2005 11:22

Soory, 'never'!

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NotQuiteCockney · 14/07/2005 11:25

There's a simple explanation for why they wake. During the night, we all wake up a bit, and check what's going on. If nothing has changed since we went to sleep, we fall back into a deep sleep and don't even know we were awake. But if anything has changed, we snap awake.

So if you cuddle/snuggle/sing your child to sleep, they surface a bit in the night, notice you're not there any more, and get upset.

Imagine how you'd feel if you woke in the night and someone had taken your pillow.

KiwiKate · 14/07/2005 11:28

Good point NQC! I never thought of it that way before.

alux · 14/07/2005 12:07

hope this isn't hijacking the thread but can someone tell me when/how they think their problem started. IE what age was lo. I am a first time mum with a 12 wk old and hope I don't develop this problem later on.

Original poster

swiperfox · 14/07/2005 12:11

Hi alux. I really am not sure. My dd was a superstart and started sleeping through from 3 weeks old! It's when she got a bit older that it started about the same age as ds, 1, although ds hasd never slept through the night at all which is why i'm a bit desperate to sort him out!!

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Listmaker · 14/07/2005 12:14

You need to make sure from REALLY early days that you put them down awake as often as possible! With my dd1 I always fed her to sleep and as someone else described she'd then wake up in her cot and realise I wasn't there and cry for me. I'd feed her again and we got into a really BAD habit.

With dd2 I'd feed her and then change her nappy or soemthing to wake her up before putting her down to sleep and she was MUCH better and is still a better sleeper than her sister.

So start getting into good habits now alux!!

Listmaker · 14/07/2005 12:16

Also get a good bedtime routine - bath, milk, story when a bit older and into cot. Don't rock or feed them to sleep. God I'd be a marvel if I was ever going to have no 3!!

Original poster

swiperfox · 14/07/2005 12:17

Ooh thats just reminded me how my bad habits started with dd. She used to cry if i put her to bed on her own so i used to let her fall asleep downstairs with me. Some nights she would be awake til gone 10. Then up through the night and i would go and sit with her.

Such a big mistake!!!!

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PiccadillyCircus · 14/07/2005 12:20

Managed to have successful daytime putting to cot so I feel a bit better about my abilities as a putter to cot of DS .

Just put him in, gave him a hug and left to the sound of loud roaring.....which stopped within two minutes.

Will try and be equally firm this evening - in some ways it will be easier as DH is out this evening (although if there is roaring for a long time I may rethink .)

Sorry about the random burblings in the middle of the night - I did get back to sleep (on a mattress in the living room which is a much cooler place) and feel much better now.

Original poster

swiperfox · 14/07/2005 12:23

Glad to see you got at least some sleep pc - you must be exhausted.

Good luck for tonight! That inital screaming is horrible isn't it? But as with yours, ds soon gives up

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