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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Why is he still waking up in the night?? What am i doing wrong???!!

63 replies

swiperfox · 12/07/2005 21:00

It's driving me mad!!!

ds has just turned one and has never slept through for more than one night. At the moment he is waking in the night and will only go back to sleep on me - and even then as soon as he goes back in his bed he screams. I had the same with dd and used to spend hours sitting next to thew cot or on the floor in the middle of the night waiting til she was asleep - now its going the same way with ds and my patience is wearing thin!!!

Help!!!!!!!!!

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marne · 12/07/2005 21:04

My dd is 17 months and still doesnt sleep through the night, i know how you feel, dd has only slept through a couple of times, she will only go back down if i give her a drink, if i dont give her one she makes herself sick. Hope it gets better soon!

Original poster

swiperfox · 12/07/2005 21:06

Are you not exhausted?? I'm absolutely knackered!! Will your dd go back to sleep on her own or do you have to be with her?

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compo · 12/07/2005 21:08

Have you tried controlled crying? Pick up put down? Have you read any books on the subject? You're not doing anything wrong but perhaps it's time for a different approach?

ETsmum · 12/07/2005 21:08

SF.....I think you answered your own question THINK he just wants you, and as you keep appearing when he wakes in the night, he keeps waking. Do you have the heart/stamina to do controlled crying? Appreciate that a) it may be hard with dd as well, and b) not everyone likes this technique. Fwiw it worked for us.....really hope your nights get better soon though. Whatever you try, I know what a killer broken sleep is!

ETsmum · 12/07/2005 21:09

Great minds Compo!!

marne · 12/07/2005 21:10

Some times she will, last night she fell asleep on our bed. She has got better, i used to have to sit with her until she fell asleep and then creep out. Some times she will wake in the night and is wide awake and wont go back down for a few hours, dh and i are both exhausted.

Original poster

swiperfox · 12/07/2005 21:11

I have a rough idea of controlled crying. The main reason i get up to him is so his screaming doesn't wake dd up.
Is cc basically a case of going in, letting him know you're there but then going again and keep doing it over and over so that he knows you are there but that crying isn't going to make you stay?

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starlover · 12/07/2005 21:11

agree with the others... he is probably waking out of habit now.
not done cc myself as ds is only 5 months... but i know people that have used it very successfully

Original poster

swiperfox · 12/07/2005 21:12

I don't know if i could do it though. I'm not the most patient person when i've been woken up lol

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Original poster

swiperfox · 12/07/2005 21:14

He's crying again now. i was only up there 1/2 hour ago. Should i ignore him?

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ETsmum · 12/07/2005 21:15

We were really brutal with ds went in straight away the 1st time, say a minute the next, then say 2 mins, then 5 etc etc. And just soothing. No cuddles/picking up. Just a little back rub or whatever and say something like "it's time for sleep." 1st night it took over 1 hr, by the 3rd it was about 15 mins, and he's slept through (TOUCH WOOD!!) ever since.

ETsmum · 12/07/2005 21:16

Nor me with the patience SF. Luckily DH did most of ours (my PND didn't help my moods!) I'd say give it a few mins and see if he goes off again.......

starlover · 12/07/2005 21:20

leave him for a bit swiper and see how it goes.
is he crying crying... or whinging crying?

if latter i'd leave him... but if he starts getting very upset just go up and comfort him, snuggle him up and then leave again

Original poster

swiperfox · 12/07/2005 21:22

I've ignored him and he's gone off again. Its sort of angry crying. He does what he does when he's having a strop - sort of writhes around, flips himself about the cot and screams more in temper than anything lol

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Original poster

swiperfox · 12/07/2005 21:28

what do i do when he wakes up at say 3 in the morning? see him then walk away a few times til he gives in?

Thanks for all your help with this guys

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starlover · 12/07/2005 21:33

yeah, try just going in and settling him down and then leaving.
like ETsmum says... leave it a minute and then go back in. then 2 mins... and so on

Bozza · 12/07/2005 21:38

I'm afraid that if you get into proper controlled crying it may well be more than a "few times". But would set a day and go for it. Does he wake your DD? Maybe try it in the school hols/at weekend.

I know this is exceptional but when we were on holiday we had a real problem settling DD (just turned one) and one night she was crying/shouting for an hour and DS slept throughout in the same room. Fortunately DD back to normal now.

ETsmum · 12/07/2005 22:01

Just to say good luck for tonight Swiperfox

And imo, yup, at 3am keep checking on him and slowly increasing the intervals of time between your visits. But DO NOT GIVE IN!!!! With a bit of luck he will go off eventually (hope you haven't got a ds who makes himself sick etc, luckily I don't!) It will seem like an age the 1st night, but will get better. Have you got a dp for a bit of moral support? (Apologies for not knowing, still fairly new....)

Caththerese1973 · 13/07/2005 07:18

Controlled crying (when you go it every ten minutes to soothe) works for some, but in my case I found that this seemed crueller in the long run than just letting the baby 'cry it out. Eventually (on the advice of the local toddler helpline) I bit the bullet and just let my dd cry herself back to sleep. I went in ONCE, said everyhting's alright, time for sleep, and left the room. Of course she cried for about two and half hours. The next night she awoke at the usual time, I did the same thing, and she cried for about an hour. Next night, same thing, but she only cried for 20 minutes. next night - she did not wake up! And always slept through after that (unless she was sick).
The problem with going back every ten mins to soothe is that I think it 'gives them hope' you are about to give in to their usual demand (whatever that might be), and refreshes their rage! Whereas if you reassure once and then leave them to it, they wind down more quickly.
Another good tip, to increase your resolve to be firm, is not to stay in bed while baby is crying (where you feel more tired and desperate), but actually get up and read or watch TV or do something else while the baby cries. If you find the crying really distressing, wear earplugs (you can still hear baby but not so loud!).
This might sound like mean advice, but you are being kinder to baby if you let him learn to put himself back to sleep. He is probably tired too.

ETsmum · 13/07/2005 07:50

Swiperfox - how was last night? Did you try cc in any form? Or do you need a bit of time before you can have a go? Anyway, hope its cooler for you today that I think it's going to be here

ETsmum · 13/07/2005 08:04

Swiperfox - just reading another thread and see you have a dp And you're a similar age to me (I'm 27.)

Original poster

swiperfox · 13/07/2005 09:06

Helloo! I gave it a go last night. He finally fell asleep about 12.15. I went in every now and then trying to leave it longer each time. I just went in stroked his head and laid him back down said night night and left. Everytime i left he screamed lol but eventually i think he started to wear himself out to the point where he'd go quiet for a while, then give a cry, then quiet again. The last time i went in he was so tired i just stayed for about a minute stroking his head and he drifted off. Gave a couple more little cries but next thing i knew it was 8am!!

It was much better than sitting on his floor all night or bringing him to our room.

What happens with cc - do they eventually learn not to bother waking up at all?

Hi ETsmum - i'm 27 too (only til the end of the month lol) and have a dp too How old is your ds?

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starlover · 13/07/2005 13:59

ooh well done swiper! sounds like a great first night!

keep at it and yes, soon he will not wake up at all! well... that's what is supposed to happen anyway!

vicdubya · 13/07/2005 14:06

I think the theory is he will still wake up a little every so often but will be used to you not being there so will go back to sleep on his own.

Just keep going with it if you can, it should only take a few days.

Original poster

swiperfox · 13/07/2005 21:44

ok am ready for round 2!!!

He has only just fallen asleep because he has been playing with dd all night and they've been chasing each other and laughing hysterically so hopefully he's tired!!!
Am going to try the same thing again tonight though if he wakes up

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