Why is he still waking up in the night?? What am i doing wrong???!!

[swiperfox]

It's driving me mad!!!

ds has just turned one and has never slept through for more than one night. At the moment he is waking in the night and will only go back to sleep on me - and even then as soon as he goes back in his bed he screams. I had the same with dd and used to spend hours sitting next to thew cot or on the floor in the middle of the night waiting til she was asleep - now its going the same way with ds and my patience is wearing thin!!!

Help!!!!!!!!!

Hi can I join in I've just started a thread along similar lines, but my prob is getting my 1 yr old to sleep in the first place. He is 1 on sunday and until he started teething (3/4mths) after half an hr or so would go to sleep and sleep through.

Since then he fights sleep during the day or at night. This last week (fingers crossed) he is sleeping till 4:30/5:00 but goes to sleep any time from 7:30 till midnight. Screams in cot, stands up and knocks his head trying to get out, sounds terrified. Tryed CC but gave in as he was so frightened. What can we do????????????????????

my ds is 2.3y and until a few months ago he would rarely sleep through night. we got to crisis point with dh actually walking out an going to his mum's for a night as he couldn't cope anymore. i knew i had to do something so went strictly down cc route. sat with digitial clock outside bedroom at bedtime put him in and he cried as he wanted me to stay till he went to sleep - left for 5 mins went in calmed and out again then 7 mins same agan and then 9 mins at this pont he cried for about a min and then sleep. he slept through! next night 5 mins then 7 mins then he slept through and next night walked out and he went straight away. he has since slept through unless ill and even with heat he has occupied himself until falling asleep we can hear footsteps and when we go in to check later he has been reading in bed or playing with toys bless him! I would totally recommend it to anyone but found that i had to do it by the book as i had tried diluted version in past. they do need to learn to sleep by selves so is best to do at going to bedtime and then in night aswell - short term pain for longterm gain. I hope everyone who is having these probs is ok and i know what you are going through it is the worst torture ever!

Jersey, if the no-sleep is related to teething then you will need to get that sorted first. Yours might be crying from pain (not fear). All the advice about cc etc will not work if your child is in pain. (With his extreme reaction it sounds like he is in pain)

In New Zealand we have something called Bonjella (not sure what you have there) that deadens the gums. We used this on DS when teething (and then let him settle on his own). See other posts about cc such as Horro's post.

Otherwise, your ds might be having earache associated with teething and you may need to try a pain killer (not sure what you have their in UK, here we have Pamol or Panadol). Remember if you have an earache or a toothache how it usually gets worse after you have been lying down for a bit. That might be what your ds is going through.

They are always unsettled with teething and sometimes take a while to get back into a routine. But try not to go down the slippery slope of sleeping in his room with him etc. See the posts below, it is SO MUCH more difficult to establish a routine again after doing that.

Well done Harro! Must have been really difficult but go for you for taking the bull by the horns!

How is everyone doing? Really glad to see it worked so well for you harro39.
DS didn't wake up at all last night - but he didn't fall asleep till close to 10pm.

I need to learn to put him to bed at a resonable time. 7.30ish would be good. At the moment I'm falling into the same bad habits as i did with dd.... i let him stay up and fall asleep downstairs with us because i know it will be grief if i put him in his cot and he will wake up again around 9 or 10 so I'm doing it because i'd rather he was up late and slept through!! That's how much i hate being woken up once i'm asleep!!

It's a bad bad habit though and this week i'm going to crack it!! Any tips? or do i just have to do it and stick to it til he learns?

Someone put a post to the effect of 'how did your child's waking prob start?' and I have to say that I feel mine never got accustomed to going all night without a breeastfeed. She was boob fed from birth until 18 months (by 18 months, obviously the feeds were only two or three times a day). But even at 18 months she would wake in night wanting a feed.
It was only once I decided 'enough is enough, mummy is going to be TOUGH' and let her cry herself back sleep without pats etc every five mins that she got over the night waking.
I am not blaming the breast feeding - I wouldn't change a thing if I had the chance to do it differently - but I think that as they get older, a nigght breastfeed becomes a psychological comfort thing that they have to be trained out of, if you want to keep breastfeeding during the day. There is physiological reason for a child over 6 months to need a feed at nightThat is, if they have had a reasonable dinner and a pre-bed feed, they will not be hungry in the night, just wanting a cuddle!. But its better to put a stop to this by 8 months or so as it makes both mum and babe too tired.
A babe of 8 months usually has the cognitive abilities to deal with being left to cry it out. he or she will not be traumatised. When I did it with my dd she was all smiles the next morning, despite the horrors of the preceding night. And the 'crying it out' method, while painful, works really quickly. Only three nights at most and baby will have learned to sleep through. I think it is worth a try.

sorry -I meant there is NO physiological reason why a child over six months needs a breastfeed at night!
The other thing is: don't let your baby cry it out if he or she is teething or sick. Wait until you are sure s/he is 100% healthwise. You can generally tell by the way they cry whether they are sick and really need you, or just enraged because you are not giving in!

Swiperfox, I can't remember how old your ds is.

Catherese makes a good point about making sure ds is fully fed before bed. We introduced yoghurt (or sometimes custard or a banana) at night after dinner and about 30 minutes bedtime (sometimes even in the bath!). We don't make a big deal of it, and only give it if ds wants it. I didn't think that ds would eat at this time as he has a good dinner, but generally does have quite a good helping of yoghurt and sometimes has some milk to drink after that (especially when dinner has been a while before bedtime), and this helped ensure that he was not waking at night because he was hungry. Seemed to help him sleep better.

There is no reason why your ds could not go to bed later than 730pm if that suits your schedule better (what time does he wake up/do you have to get him up to take him out in the morning). But letting him fall asleep downstairs means you aren't dealing with the problem - just delaying it (and I think it is more difficult to deal with as they get older and more strong willed). I'd still put him to bed before you go (even if you want to do it later than 730). Make sure he is getting enough total sleep though. I understand that kids who get too little sleep find it difficult to sleep at night (sounds counter-logic, but apprently true). Each child has a slightly different sleep pattern/length of sleep. Depends on length of day time sleeps, your ds's age and metabolism. My ds only goes to bed at 930 or 10pm, but then I work from home, so when I get up and start working he is still sleeping and I don't have to wake him to take him out. He is 2.3yo and sleeps roughly 11 hours a night now (thank goodness!) But if I had to wake him to take him out the house, then I'd definately put him to be earlier.

Also just remembered that my ds's sleep can be disturbed if he goes more than a day without a good run-around (its cold and wet here in New Zealand at the moment being winter), so I have to make sure that I take him to the indoor pool or other play areas to ensure he gets a really good physical work out. I try and go every day, but if I skip two days in a row, then he does struggle to get to sleep.

CATH - wrong!!!!!!!!!!

Research recently out from Washington state Uni advises that BF babies may need 1 or 2 BFs a night until they are 1 year old.

Filling a baby's tummy up full just before bed can actually be uncomfortable and make night-time waking worse (I acknowledge this is unusual; my DS and 1 other baby were the only babies who reacted this way in my mums' group of 10)

An 8 month old certainly does not have any reasoning ability to understand that being left alone to cry is good for them; given that they are not able to be reassured by mummy's voice (they need mum's presence at that age). Whilst soem babies are not traumatised by CC, some go on to develop cot phobia and severe separation anxiety.

If it works - that's fab; parental sleep depravation is awful.

Interesting Highlander. I thought 6 months was a bit early to be expecting no nightly feeds (but have not reasearch to back it up).

Not sure what the research is on what age to start cc - but agree that I know of cases where it has caused seperation anxiety by being done to young. Again depends on the child, I guess. I wouldn't have thought you'd want to do it much before a year old. Anyone seen any research on this point?

oh God, I'm enbarrassed about the bold type. Oops. Come to think of it, why was I needing asterisks?

I don't think CC will harm a child later on in life, since long-term memory doesn't kick in until about 2 years old. But I'm certainly not comfortable with it since there's a lot of anecdotal evidence of babies demonstrating cot phobia, separation anxiety etc.

For me, CC is a good example of adult logic being extended onto a baby, with no understanding of infant neurophysiology. At about 6 months, babies are only just learning to associate mum's voice with the presence of mum (a good example is playing 'boo'). They are still primarily reassured by the physical presence of mum, and by mum's touch and smell. Since 'reasoning' doesn't kick in until about 18 months, CC makes no sense to me. But, clearly, for a lot of parents it works. Doesn't Farber himself not recommend CC until 1 year? (seem to remember a MNer saying this).

Hi Highlander, I wonder if this is the problem I have as tried CC awhile back, but now J won't go in his cot awake as he screams with (we think) fear. This is even before he lays down!!!

I think the major point is that to have a good sleep pattern babies need to be able to fall asleep without any external prompt (not right word but cant think of another) eg. breast, bottle, being rocked, mum there etc. if they need something else thr=en they will always want that even if they dont need it. So if that habit has been established then the only way to get them sleeping on their own is to break it. I tried to do it gently staying in the room and moving away gradually and this sort of worked but then I found it so difficult and I was ending up getting really ratty with him as I was starving not having had tea yet and i think a ratty mother is a lot more damaging for a baby than crying and being reassured and then crying again etc. As Dr Green who started real CC not just leting them cry says having a sleep deprived mother is a lot more damaging so no one should feel guilty for doing cc. It worked for me and i wish i had done it ages ago and i have an incredibly attached and happy ds who can seperate very well as well.