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Original poster

Where are my fucking hell shoes, and other delightful phrases from my 3 year old, HEEELP!!

300 replies

gaelicsheep · 02/02/2010 23:41

What have I done? I have been known to swear out loud, in front of him, on occasion but FGS my 3 year old has a mouth like a sewer all of a sudden. I've done all the advising, telling people to ignore, don't rise to it etc. etc. But what if he blurts this out in Tesco, or god forbid at nursery?!

I have to get to bed so I'll leave you lovely ladies to ponder this one and will bump tomorrow if necessary. But someone please reply and tell me he'll forget these words if I ignore him. Please!

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coldtits · 03/02/2010 12:11

My parents never swore. they were experts at making me feel like shit without any swearing at all.

my friend's dad (the Great Daddy Mick) swore all the time. We all adored him, we still adore him. Swearing does not have particularly negative connotations to my psyche. it's understandable that it does to you, but that doesn't make everyone else Wrong.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 03/02/2010 12:17

I swear. Lots. My dd doesn't and tells me off if I do it in front of her. The only word I don't use is stupid. She gets really really really (I can't emphasise how) upset by it. I don't know why.

Ingles2 · 03/02/2010 12:25

I swear but have always limited it in front of the dc's...they're quite naive when it comes to swearing weirdly ..I heard a whispered convo the other day when ds1 (10) said blooming,ds2, did the whole... oooo, I'm telling... you swore...
I can remember being horrified being called into school to speak to teacher because ds2 had said fuck in circle time...
turns out they were rhyming with duck and thought he'd try some rhymes
dh laughed, teacher had the biggest cats bum mouth ever..

Northernlurker · 03/02/2010 12:26

I can't say I've NEVER sworn in front of my children but I have made a conscious effort ,as does dh, to not do so. 99% of the time we manage that. My older children are exposed to all sorts of language at school of course - but they don't use that and they don't bring it home because they know that's not what we do. Dd3 is at the impressionable toddler stage like the op's child - but she doesn't swear. If you swear in front of your children then they will swear. It's up to every parent to decide if that's something they want in their home and to act accordingly. If you freely admit you swear in front of your kids but don't want them to do likewise - well that makes you a hypocrite in this aspect of your parenting and you cannot expect a pat on the back!

Ingles2 · 03/02/2010 12:32

there comes a point though and you have to make your dc aware of swear words, and how horrible they are..
last week, I was walking through town and ds1 stopped to read some graffiti on a door... Don't read it, said I, it'll be rubbish, only stupid people graffiti on walls...
carried on walking then stopped to speak to some friends.
Ds1 catches up, you're right mum, they must be really stupid, they can't even spell can't...they wrote c**t
cue all round.

clemette · 03/02/2010 12:33

"Stupid" is also a frowned-upon word here. If we read it/hear it on television I have to look at DD (4.5) in mock horror and she looks very serious and stern.
They don't say fuck, because I don't say fuck, but DD has been known to say bugger and then reprimand me for saying it after I have done the whole "that's not a nice word" routine. DS is very keen on "Oh my God" which, given MiL's reaction when she hears it, you would think is worst than cuntfuck.

To be honest, if I had a choice I would rather they swore like troopers but were kind to their peers, than they were clean-mouthed but spiteful. Better a "fuck" than a "fat bitch". of course, I would rather they were kind and didn't swear, but I have spent too long in the classroom not to realise that the biggest influence on a child's language once they get to school is their peer group.

Nostalgia - a 14 year old boy once called me a motherfucker in class. The only thing I could do was laugh - his parents really ought to have made sure he could swear in context

MoreCrackThanHarlem · 03/02/2010 12:34

Kreecher, it used to upset me when my Mum did it too (see my post above). Why do you continue to do it when you know how she feels?

Soupdragon, whilst I appreciate your compliment, I am positive I am not the model of perfect parenting. I wouldn't, however, post on an Internet forum about how amusing my various failings are. And if I asked for advice on how to correct them I certainly wouldn't jump on someone for pointing out the most obvious remedy.

SpringHeeledJack · 03/02/2010 12:37

kreecher My mum and dad never swore, but they dished out sillys and stupids on a regular basis. That was much worse, ime. I would say "ffs" in a heartbeat in front of one of my kids, but I would rather eat my arm than call one of them silly, even as a "joke"

I do it on a do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do basis. Not great, I know- but then I'm not perfect.

just nearly

SpringHeeledJack · 03/02/2010 12:42

Crack- she says her dd gets upset by being called "stupid"- not the swearing

kreecherlivesupstairs · 03/02/2010 12:42

FFS more crack, she is 8. Once she takes responsibility for her own life she can lecture me.
Springheeled, I do say silly and daft and numpty, but never ever stupid. I would pay money to know why that word offends her delicate shell likes. I

MeAndMyMonkey · 03/02/2010 12:43

What is wrong with stupid, or silly? What did I miss here?
I have heard some people don't say 'naughty' (no idea why) but silly? What on earth could ever be wrong with that?
(Am not veen trying to be contentious, I just don't get it!).

clemette · 03/02/2010 12:46

I don't like stupid because it is demeaning. I also don't like nasty.

MoreCrackThanHarlem · 03/02/2010 12:49

So you would be happy for her to swear then, I take it?Because if not, she will see you as a hypocrite. Swearing is either ok for children, or it's not. You can't do it in front of them and then expect that they shouldn't do it themselves imo.

Am amused that I am coming across as a po faced paragon of virtue, actually. Honestly couldn't be further from the truth.

SpringHeeledJack · 03/02/2010 12:49

MeAndMyMonkey- I don't like it cos I was called it at least twice daily for 18 years

now I are one

[dumbass emoticon]

MeAndMyMonkey · 03/02/2010 12:50

I understanding calling somebody stupid is offensive, but to use it in the context of (for eg) 'that was a stupid thing to do' - is that so bad?
Ditto naughty.
But surely there is nothing remotely wrong with the word 'silly', in any context, or is there?

SpringHeeledJack · 03/02/2010 12:52

Crack- that comes under DAISNAID.

along with driving, reading Ordnance Survey maps, drinking gin, flirting with delivery men and eating nicotine chewing gum, eg.

there are things that adults can do and kids can't, and vice versa. Most kids seem able to grasp this concept.

MeAndMyMonkey · 03/02/2010 12:52

Xposts Spring Heeled Jack - sorry - or course I get it that it must be horrible to be called 'stupid', I just didn't know it was verboten by some people. And I'm sure you're not anyway .

MoreCrackThanHarlem · 03/02/2010 12:52

I do say that was silly, or that was nasty, but not you are silly/nasty. One is pointing out a bad behaviour, the other is a personal insult imo.

SpringHeeledJack · 03/02/2010 12:55

Monkey- I wasn't doing a poor me, honest. I was just trying to point out that everyone has a Nasty Thing they hate. MoreCrack's is, of course, swearing, but mine- and kreecher's dd's - is stupid.

wastingaway · 03/02/2010 12:55

Stupid and silly are incredibly demeaning. I try really hard not to say silly, but I did hear it a lot growing up so it takes some effort.

I try not to swear in front of DS. He hears bugger all the time, but it's usually in an affectionate way. I think that's a Yorkshire thing.

The only swear I've heard him say is 'fuck sake'. I clearly need to come up with an alternative.

So, swearing isn't good, but it isn't the end of the world. We should try not to swear, but can hardly punish them severely if they've heard it from us.

MoreCrackThanHarlem · 03/02/2010 12:57

Well I would argue that driving in front of children is very different to swearing in front of them.
Would you swear when you had another child round for dinner? Or could you manage to hold back in those circumstances?

MoreCrackThanHarlem · 03/02/2010 13:10

Wastingaway, I agree re bugger. Not really considered swearing in my part of Yorkshire, 'buggerlugs' is a term of endearment.

Swearing can, of course, be funny and clever. In the same way that getting completely annihilated drinking vodka and smoking silk cuts can be funny and enjoyable. I do neither in front of my daughter as I just don't feel it's appropriate. To my mind that is adult behaviour for adult company.
Driving and other age restricted activities are different.

wubblybubbly · 03/02/2010 13:13

Meandmymonkey, I agree, we don't use stupid but silly is fine surely? As in 'well that was a silly thing to do' or 'look at my silly hat'.

I don't think silly and stupid are the same, at least not in the way it's used in our house.

gemmummy · 03/02/2010 13:22

does anyone else think that there is an element of overthinking things going on here?

Paolosgirl · 03/02/2010 13:22

Agree with Northernlurker and others. If you don't want you children to swear then don't swear yourself. If you're OK with swearing in front of them, then accept they'll swear too - unless you practice the 'don't do as I do, do as I say' approach to parenthood.