Tell me about your 2 year old... please tell me I'm not the only one struggling!!!

[smileyboy]

My ds is a lively, energetiv boy. Was always a reasonably happy baby, never hard work really.

Now he's 2.6 and I feel like I am losing the plot! Please reassure me or offer tips cos I feel like I am doing it all wrong.

DS refuses to get dressed without a struggle/ screaming.

He doesn't want to get in the bath saying 'no I don't want a bath', then loves the bath and doesn't want to get out no matter how much warning him I do that it's soon time to get out. He then usually cries when it's time to get out.

Hi language is pretty good. Talks in sentences and seems to have very good understanding but he will often just ignore me if I ask him a question. I am unsure how to deal with it because I don't know if he's not listening or just ignoring people. I seem to have to answer a lot of questions for him when others talk to him although I wouldn't say he's shy. He'll happily engage people in conversation about what he wants but not really answer their questions or talk about what they want if that makes sense?

He seems to sulk quite a lot. Went shopping today and all the way round, every shop we went in 'I don't want to be in this shop mummy, I don't want to be in this shop mummy' over and over and over. He can repeat himself for litterally 10 minutes and no amount of cojoling or distracting seems to do any good. If I ignore him h just gets louder and cries. Most of today he seems to have had tears in his eyes or been on the brink of a tantrum and this is standard really.

He is very bossy when playing games 'mummy stand there' 'daddy, pick my bricks up' 'no put them in here' etc.. if you don't obey him he cries aswell which we just ignore.

He seems good at playing by himself but is just very very hard work and we seems to spend our entire day distracting him and having to tip toe around him.

He is very loving but only on his own terms. The other day a friend of ours was holding on to ds' hood and ds tried to get away as he as playing, ds then turned round and said 'let go of me pleae' he didn't so ds then burst into tears... I actually thought this was understandable as itwas a stupiud thing for my friend to do my everyone seemed really ahocked like ds was moody and asked if he was tired. I just said no he doesn't like being pulled around for no reason and left it at that. Is it really that unusual that he responded in that way????

Not sure what I am asking really... perhaps just ressurrance that it is a phase that will pass or maybe just wanting to know how I can help cheer him up a bit. So what's your verdict and and what's your 2 year old like? How do they respond to being restricted/ dressed etc?

Oh also he seems to argue over everything... meal times/ bath times/ putting shoes on/ going out/ wanting to go upstairs/ basically whatever we need to do... ds seems to have to want to do the oposite and it's very wearing having to justify everyothing to him all day. He never wants to go out. then when he's out he cries when it's time to leave. It's just knackering!

He sounds just like mine who is 2.3, I don't see anything in here that doesn't sound like normal behaviour for a two year old.

If mine don't listen I often try to get his eye contact even if that means going right up to him and kneeling down. I also do naughty step and counting to three which work most of the time when we have really naughty behaviour.

I try to remind myself that he is ONLY two and the world is a complicated place with all it's rules and codes.

Sounds like my DD as well. She is 2.4 and her standard response for a while was "No." DH and I started asking things like "who wants ice-cream" etc. This got her thinking about what she was saying rather than just "No."

I also use the two minute time out to think through any naughty behaviour.

One thing that I found really helpful (thank you HV for the tip) was to offer her lots of choices. When I had to go shopping I would say "shall we go to fruit and veg first or the meat counter" I found she began to start engaging much more and was interested in things that I had to do.

In terms of the pulling of hood. I agree, it is not nice to be pulled and if you have asked nicely for it to stop then it can be over-whelming that the adult does not listen.

It is knackering but just be consistent in what you do and it will slowly change.

Agree with allstar about the choices, distraction is also key!

also agree with the hood pulling - who would like that??

you just described my day with dd who is 2.5

every thing can be a battle, do the choice stuff and i use dolly sayng now dolly will we tidy up then dd helps

My ds can't be easily distracted though which means that if I say 'teddy come tidy up' he just says 'he doesn't want to either' and runs off with it lol. Toddlers! Good to know his behaviour sounds fairly standard though. Just wearing. Everything is an uphill battle.

Definately wearing!! But just think about the times they make you laugh.

sounds fairly normal.
my DD (2.9) is stubborn, bossy, and contrary most of the time.
other than that she's a joy .

You have my sympathies. My nearly 2yo reduces me to tears of despair and frustration a lot of the time. He hates being restricted or constrained in any way. He won't go in a pushchair, but he won't walk holding hands or wear reigns, so we just don't go anywhere unless we can park outside.

Every nappy change is a battle, as is getting dressed and undressed.

He was a really easy baby (much more than ds1) but turned into a headstrong, fiesty toddler by around 12 months.

The thing that keeps me vaguely sane is the knowledge/hope that he will grow out of this at some point (although I honestly don't remember ds1 being so difficult).

MrsJohnDeere I am definately of the opinion that second children are much feistier/cheekier/stroppier than their older siblings - I think they learn it young with first hand examples from the now older brothers and sisters!

yes ds2 (2.9) is just like that, now double it as his twin sister (also 2.9 ) can also be a little madam [shattered]

Our dd2 is 2.5. Can you all please stop writing about her?

I agree 100% with those who say that 2nd siblings can be a little more "independent" than older siblings. Our dd1 is a very confident and independent little girl, I did worry initially that dd1 would kind of overshadow dd2. (ha ha - dd2 has tried to rule the roost since the age of about 18 months)

Her favourite phrase at the mo is "shut up for you" (we don't tolerate this btw in case any one thinks we might)

Oh yes onepiece, DS2 is the bossy one and always telling DS1 off!

Pleased about the hood pulling thin too. I wasn't too concerned about it as I figured he'd tried to get him to let go but was just scared and not used to bein dragged around but everyone's reaction made me question it! Honestly, it just seemed such a pointless and horrid thing to do to a toddler so good for him for crying and getting him to let go! He'd tried asking nicely and was clearly not happy about being held onto like that.

both my boys were are the same, they're 4 and 8, I could have written your post!

People tell me it gets easier

Oh god don't tell me that Grumpywhenwoken! I am hoping this is a short phase. Don't disillusion me now!

i have DD two and a half. I wonder if he needs your attention in a different way?

maybe relate to him via characters he knows on TV? i.e. would Igglepiggle do that? and saying this at his eye level.

Give him jobs to do. today i asked DD to put cutlery on the table. Load the washing maching, empty tumble dryer, sort washing, anything that includes him and doing "Grown up" jobs.

Tell him he doesn't want to smell at nappy change, ask if he wants to try a potty or toilet seat to be a big boy.

Bloody exhausted some days, actually most days
but it's fun too

they are becoming their own person and know what they want or don't want, ie someone holding their hood!

Ds2 is almost three and starting to get a bit more reasonable, a bit, and sometimes I let things go but other times you can't. If they are screaming when getting dressed and you have to go out then they just have to scream but you need to pick your battles, sometimes it's easier to let it go.

He sounds perfectly normal.

I occasionally resort to pulling dd's hood (e.g. if she is about to run off in a car park) she always goes absolute crackers when I do it.

To do this to a child as a bit of fun is not on imo, no wonder he didn't like it.

JustMoon dd2 was prodding/hitting dd1 (6) earlier to the point of dd1 almost crying. dd1 is feisty but will never physically retaliate (well she hasn't up til now) so I felt very sorry for her and took quite a hard line with dd2.

He also goes beserk if you hold his hood. I wouldn't want soomeone holding my hood, though I have grabbed his if I need to.

with the bath, if you not already doing this, buy fun bubble bath with him, let him choose, then use it. at bathtime just tell him it is bathtime and if he says no, ignore him and do bedtime routine, read story.

Sounds he is testing the control aspect with you and you have to be in control.

On tv someone suggested if children testing you just put them outside the room you are in for a minute just to create space and show them you mean business and they said this hits harder than naughty stair.

My DS2 is exactly the same (age 2 and 3/4). We knew we were onto a loser just before Christmas when he was being naughty and DH said to him "If you do that again I will have to ring father christmas..." (something that his older brother at the same age would've immediately responded to and stopped doing the naughty thing) to which DS2 looked at DH, stomped over to the phone, picked it up, jabbed the buttons and then loudly said "HELLO? FATHER CISS-MAS? DADDY HE BE NAUGHTY. YOU PUT HIM ON NAUGHTY LIST". And glared at DH.

With just looked at each other with horror realizing we a) had no control over the little tyrant and b) desperately trying not to laugh!

Another one here with a 2.6 year old DS - exactly the same! I think it is because they have control over so little in their lives at this age, but they desperately want to be independent. Especially if they have older siblings and spend the day being lugged around after them - they want to assert themselves!

I agree with the advice of giving lots of choice where possible, and let them do as much as they can for themselves (time permitting - took us about 90 mins to get dressed this morning!).

Also, distraction is the best course of action if possible. I can't just ignore mine as he gets up to no good! They are so lovely at this age though, I just forgive mine so quickly!