Tell me about your 2 year old... please tell me I'm not the only one struggling!!!

[smileyboy]

My ds is a lively, energetiv boy. Was always a reasonably happy baby, never hard work really.

Now he's 2.6 and I feel like I am losing the plot! Please reassure me or offer tips cos I feel like I am doing it all wrong.

DS refuses to get dressed without a struggle/ screaming.

He doesn't want to get in the bath saying 'no I don't want a bath', then loves the bath and doesn't want to get out no matter how much warning him I do that it's soon time to get out. He then usually cries when it's time to get out.

Hi language is pretty good. Talks in sentences and seems to have very good understanding but he will often just ignore me if I ask him a question. I am unsure how to deal with it because I don't know if he's not listening or just ignoring people. I seem to have to answer a lot of questions for him when others talk to him although I wouldn't say he's shy. He'll happily engage people in conversation about what he wants but not really answer their questions or talk about what they want if that makes sense?

He seems to sulk quite a lot. Went shopping today and all the way round, every shop we went in 'I don't want to be in this shop mummy, I don't want to be in this shop mummy' over and over and over. He can repeat himself for litterally 10 minutes and no amount of cojoling or distracting seems to do any good. If I ignore him h just gets louder and cries. Most of today he seems to have had tears in his eyes or been on the brink of a tantrum and this is standard really.

He is very bossy when playing games 'mummy stand there' 'daddy, pick my bricks up' 'no put them in here' etc.. if you don't obey him he cries aswell which we just ignore.

He seems good at playing by himself but is just very very hard work and we seems to spend our entire day distracting him and having to tip toe around him.

He is very loving but only on his own terms. The other day a friend of ours was holding on to ds' hood and ds tried to get away as he as playing, ds then turned round and said 'let go of me pleae' he didn't so ds then burst into tears... I actually thought this was understandable as itwas a stupiud thing for my friend to do my everyone seemed really ahocked like ds was moody and asked if he was tired. I just said no he doesn't like being pulled around for no reason and left it at that. Is it really that unusual that he responded in that way????

Not sure what I am asking really... perhaps just ressurrance that it is a phase that will pass or maybe just wanting to know how I can help cheer him up a bit. So what's your verdict and and what's your 2 year old like? How do they respond to being restricted/ dressed etc?

My son's 2 1/4, sounds familiar in some ways. Getting anywhere takes forever. We find choices help a lot with regular things, e.g. he gets to choose his own clothes every morning, which pair of socks to go on before shoes when trying to get out the door, which jumper under his coat. Chooses a book or toy to bribe him onto the changing mat. It is hard, as now he's bigger and stronger you really need his cooperation for some things. Our latest trick is to count, as he likes numbers. We'll say "I want you in your highchair on the count of 7", and he'll usually go. If he says "not going to" he'll usually let us put him in when we remind him we counted - seems to get the "it's a fair cop" idea of us having made a deal. Sometimes he needs to choose the number to be counted to first!
Good luck! His reaction to the hood thing sounds completely understandable.

Am at work so will read the whole thread later.........my ds is 2.5 and just like yours!

Has anyone suggested reading 'How to talk so kids will listen and how to listen so kids will talk'?

I found it really useful and re-read it all the time. It's a bit advanced for this age but it makes you realise how you can phrase things better to help your ds.

Also 'Toddler Taming' and 'How to raise your sprirted child'.

I love a good parenting book!

Also take ds out every day to the park. That is the thing that helps the most.

We reached a new low when ds started screaming and shouting 'NO DADDY NO' becuase DH put milk on his (dh's) museli, therefore wetting the raisens that he gives to ds.

I really love the book 1,2,3 Magic! If DS is pitching a fit or doing something naughty I just calmly say "That's 1. No screaming." or whatever it is he's doing. If he doesn't stop I say "That's 2." And in a bit, "That's 3, take a break," and put him in his room for a couple of minutes. We jut started doing this, but the hope is that soon it will only take til 1 or 2 before he gets the message.

One of the many,many things my DS objected was having his hand held near busy roads.He used to scream HEEEELLLPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!! at the top of his lungs. As if I would try to try to abduct a child so clearly posessed by the Devil.

Another saying it is the same here. DS is not even two yet and every day is one long round of 'nooooooooooooooooooo' followed by blood-curdling screams and hurling himself to the floor. My nerves are in shreds and am finding it v hard to keep any perspective.

And breathe

My 2.2 yr old put me and his Dad on the naughty step, it was quite nice, we got to sit down and have a chat but I do feel that we may need to work harder on the discipline..

No no no, this isn't what they told me. They said the first year was the hardest, not the first 5!!!!! We were are planning to start trying for DC2 at the end of the year as well .

Oh well. Think I will hang on to the lovely moments when DS cracks me up, and breath, count to 10 and repeat "it's a phase" through the rest of it.

I meant breathe....

Gosh, it's nice to find company in Tantrum-Land . My 'toddler' has just turned 3, and shows no signs of miraculously maturing into a reasonable, calm child whom one can dress and feed and bath and PUT TO BED without 4-act melodramas every single time...

I also have two DDs 7 & 5, and a younger DS of 1, and home-educate, and am worn out by the constant fighting with him every step of the way, almost every minute of the day. I find it really difficult to keep my temper and not just shout at him when he's having a screaming tantrum cos the front door Has Been Opened, and he wakes up the baby who's just gone to sleep, after I've just spent an hour (alright, possibly not quite that long) getting them all dressed, cleaned, shoes, socks, hats, gloves, etc, so that they can go and play in the snow... GRR!

He makes me feel like a really bad mother for not being able to deal with him in a 'better', or at least more effective way, but then my guilt and anger at myself probably then gets taken out on him, which makes him worse...

this thread makes me realise i am not the only one and ds is not a monster. the tips are great- i am up all night with a new baby so ds at 6am wanting to start his day is really wearing and i struggle to keep my temper - any tips on that would be really useful. he doesn;t have tantrums just argues (he is 2.5) and says in a singsong voice which we have no idea where he gets it from " no, i don;t think so mummy"

he is at pre nursery but just picked up a load of bad behaviour from others, ie throwing food etc, silly shouting.. so i dread seeing what he comes back with each time.

why is naughty a bad word? i use it a lot?

I use naughty all the time too, as in "that behavior is naughty." What? It is. And PMSL girny!

I'm also appreciating this thread.

DD1 is now 2.10 and has been terrible of late.screaming, never wants to go in the buggy, we have been weaning her off the reins but I spend the whole time walking calling her to hold my hand.
Yesterday we had a very bad day as she was downstairs on her own .. (I know) and she scribbled all over the TV screen with a crayon.

Some of this behaviour has conicided with the arrival of DD2.

She is also a very early riser and is up at 5.30 ish most days , after a night feed with a 4 month old this is very wearing. (sympathies bluberrysorbet)

I'm very frustrated with her and I know I don't handle her well at times.

Haven't read all the thread but very pleased to see it's not just us! DD is 2.5 and while mostly delightful, we have had more tears than usual in the Christmas hangover. Tantrums because we've given her the wrong colour spoon, tantrums if one of us is on the phone and she wants to talk to whoever is on the other end.

DD is also a good talker so it is easy to forget that while they are good at describing the world, they don't yet understand it fully.

bumperlicious you are exactly right, DD often seem to know and understand so much it is easy to forget she is still so little.

My just turned three year old is just the same, but has just started in the last few weeks to become a bit more reasonable. Counting to three and threatening withdrawal of t.v. watching helps. If it is escalating taking her into another room, getting eye contact and explaining that she has to calm down helps. She stays out of the room until she calms down. I completely understand how wearing it is, but it will get better.

'Her biggest, most frustrating thing is that she has to do everything herself. In the mornings, if I dare to get her spoon for cereal and put it on the table she shouts at me not to do that, goes to the cutlery drawer, puts the spoon back, closes the drawer, opens it, gets the spoon out and takes it back to the table again'

I'm laughing at this but I am also crying too! So familiar.

The tips are useful. The bribery thing is a hard one as while I don't follow Unconditional Parenting at all I agree with some of the ideas behind it and think that bribery is a bit of a rocky road to disaster, however, how the fuck else do you get a 2 year old to do what you want????!

We don't do naughty step or anything like that, although I do sometimes put DD in her room to calm down (rarely works - they get so worked up don't they?).

'Pick your battles' is an interesting piece of advice as you rarely realise things are going to be battles until you are in the middle of a full blown tantrum out of the blue! How do you balance that with not letting them get their own way when you have already say 'no' or given them a pink spoon instead of an orange spoon? I don't want DD to think that she always gets things her own way, or that tantrums work, so how do you head off the battles without giving in? Or do you give in anyway when it is not really important and figure that you will sort them out when they get to a more reasonable age?!

so good to read this thread my DS1 is 2 years 5 months battles everything particularly with myself and DH, also doesn't stop talking and complaining and oh my god it drives us round the bend and causes a lot of bickering EVERY weekend between me and dh. normal behaviour yes maybe but I swear I see a lot of kids that seem a LOT easier.

DS - 2 next month - favourite phrase "no like it", currently waking 5.30ish (and has been doing for the last 9 months or so), tantrummed till he threw up the other day... this thread is one I can relate to.

The "marmlade.. banana.. marmalade" post reminded me of a dear friend of mine (we've known each other 25 years now), whose sister loves to tell teh story of how she spend one childhood breakfast time saying "cornflakes... no crispies... no cornflakes ... no crispies" while their mother patiently put one back in the box and poured out the other. Eventually, milk having finally been added to the cornflakes, she said "no, crispies" one final time, and their mother (a social worker, and lovely, easy going woman) lost it, and up-ended the dish with cornflakes and milk over her head. Dear friend is now... wait for it ... a vicar!

Are you sure you haven't got my daughter!! She's 2.4 and this sounds just like her!

The latest thing she says is 'mummy please don't shout, little girl's don't do things like that' Err excuse me! Where she has got that from I don't know, I feel like I constantly shout at her and tell her not to do things, this thread has made me realise its normal 2 year old behaviour!

My DD is 2.9 and is just like your DS. I find I remind myself to 'pick your arguements' when we have particularly trying days. Today she was being very helpful and sprayed everything with her spray on conditioner - she was doing the housework!!! My fault for leaving the conditioner where she could get it but I did tell her that if she wanted to wash the windows then ask me next time and I would give her the windolene. She solemnly nodded her head at me - 'ok Mummy' Priceless!

Oh my god, if any second child of mine is more 'feisty' than my first (as many of you suggest) I will put my head in the oven.

DD (2.9) has been described 50 times over on this thread. She has a pace all of her own 'Toddler Pace', usually worse at bedtimes when I am tired and obviously more short tempered

Clothes are the worst for us I think...and bedtime... which is super hideous.

Just an example the other day we were supposed to be going swimming and (for once) she had had a lunch time nap.

Me: Do you want to go swimming?
DD: Yes yes yes !!
Me: Clothes on then please
DD: No!
Me: Come on DD, swimming clothes on please
DD: No! (runs away)
Me: But you do want to go swimming?
DD: Yes yes yes!!
Me: Then you need to put some clothes on
DD: No, (runs away again)
Me: DD, if you want to go swimming ...
DD: My do it My do it!!
Me: OK, you do it then
DD: No (throws clothes and runs away)
Me: I AM GOING TO COUNT TO 3 .......

I use 'naughty' too. My dd has got to know that it is not OK, and that is a word which says that. Obviously the behaviour is naughty and not the child (before I get flamed!)

Potato, I am the same, the kids gotta know sometimes that this action is just not acceptable on any level,... especially when they know better and look you in the eye before they do it

oh yes, they do that!