Tell me about your 2 year old... please tell me I'm not the only one struggling!!!

[smileyboy]

My ds is a lively, energetiv boy. Was always a reasonably happy baby, never hard work really.

Now he's 2.6 and I feel like I am losing the plot! Please reassure me or offer tips cos I feel like I am doing it all wrong.

DS refuses to get dressed without a struggle/ screaming.

He doesn't want to get in the bath saying 'no I don't want a bath', then loves the bath and doesn't want to get out no matter how much warning him I do that it's soon time to get out. He then usually cries when it's time to get out.

Hi language is pretty good. Talks in sentences and seems to have very good understanding but he will often just ignore me if I ask him a question. I am unsure how to deal with it because I don't know if he's not listening or just ignoring people. I seem to have to answer a lot of questions for him when others talk to him although I wouldn't say he's shy. He'll happily engage people in conversation about what he wants but not really answer their questions or talk about what they want if that makes sense?

He seems to sulk quite a lot. Went shopping today and all the way round, every shop we went in 'I don't want to be in this shop mummy, I don't want to be in this shop mummy' over and over and over. He can repeat himself for litterally 10 minutes and no amount of cojoling or distracting seems to do any good. If I ignore him h just gets louder and cries. Most of today he seems to have had tears in his eyes or been on the brink of a tantrum and this is standard really.

He is very bossy when playing games 'mummy stand there' 'daddy, pick my bricks up' 'no put them in here' etc.. if you don't obey him he cries aswell which we just ignore.

He seems good at playing by himself but is just very very hard work and we seems to spend our entire day distracting him and having to tip toe around him.

He is very loving but only on his own terms. The other day a friend of ours was holding on to ds' hood and ds tried to get away as he as playing, ds then turned round and said 'let go of me pleae' he didn't so ds then burst into tears... I actually thought this was understandable as itwas a stupiud thing for my friend to do my everyone seemed really ahocked like ds was moody and asked if he was tired. I just said no he doesn't like being pulled around for no reason and left it at that. Is it really that unusual that he responded in that way????

Not sure what I am asking really... perhaps just ressurrance that it is a phase that will pass or maybe just wanting to know how I can help cheer him up a bit. So what's your verdict and and what's your 2 year old like? How do they respond to being restricted/ dressed etc?

Yes, totally normal, I'm on my third round of terrible twos. My easiest child by far has just become Demon Child overnight (he just turned 2).

It's their way of letting you know they are independent, totally grown up and self-sufficient ......

I walk away from mine during tantrums, or distract him which is thankfully easy to do (unlike my other two!). Most difficult part is in the car, when he screams so loud and high it hurts my eardrums and puts my blood pressure through the roof!

I just showed this thread to DH who was thinking DS2 was something horrible I have been through similar with DS1 from previous relationship and he always rolled his eyes at me when I said "it's because he's 2"

I just said 6 pages of replies saying "Yes we have one of them too" and he is somewhat reassured!

DS2 is 3 next month and starting nursery - god help them is all I can say

He is bossy, screamy, tantrums, boistrous, always swinging his arms and smacking his older brother (who is 7) He actually pulled my 7 yr old off the sofa by his head a few months ago, horrible as it was I couldn't help but laugh afterwards!!

He actually said to me this evening "mummy do me a favour wont you - turn the tv on?" no please or thank you's when I prompt him with "what do you say" he say "tanks" and huffs and walks away

Everything is a battle though, getting him dressed, getting him in the bath, getting him to eat, getting him in the carseat (nightmare!) getting him to hold my hand because he is too big for a pram!

I know we will come out the other side soon though but I think DH is dispairing lol!

Telling your toddler about a change of activity or plan of action 5 mins beforehand can sometimes help!

Haven't read all of thread but my dd who's 2.4 yo is exactly the same. I sometimes diffuse a situation by tickling her, it usually works.

I agree with Lullay about telling your toddler what's about to happen can really help...if we have the foresight to tell DD the plan of action, she's brilliant - just nods her head and gets on with what she needs to.

Bribery works well too - nappy change this morning was amazingly easy - she said, "NO!". I said, "do you want to build a snowman?", she lay back and didn't say a word!! She didn't even make too much of a fuss when I put my dressing gown on. Normally, for some really bizarre reason, this results in her total meltdown!

A tip from me . . . to make shopping more enjoyable when mine were this age I used to draw them a shopping list. Only things I could draw, mind, with felt tips.

An apple, a carrot, a banana, a french stick, a potato, a bottle of wine ribena and so on - all with a number after the picture for how many we needed. I'd use card as well so it was still in one piece by the time we got there.

They loved it, and still sometimes ask "can we have a list?" and they are 8 and 9 now

It has made me feel so much better to read these messages. My 2.8 year old son screams the second something doesn't go his way. It is not normal screaming he roars like the girl in the exorcist and is so angry I'm surprised his head doesn't spin round and levitate off the floor. During the Xmas holidays it was practically all the time. He will do this for a really long time. All the normal strategies like diversion, time out and ignoring do not work. I'm at abit of a loss what to do. At the moment we are sending him to his room until he stops screaming. He also has three rules: Do as you are told, be kind to your brother and no screaming tantrums. He has a good vocabulary and has no hearing problems. We are hoping pre-school will help. It has been slowly eroding my confidence in my parenting abilities. I find that I am tiptoeing around him to avoid upsetting him and avoiding places that will set him off. The health visitor has suggested a terrible twos group, but I don't want him getting any new ideas! I am so glad it is not just me as my friends toddlers don't have tantrums like these and I get the feeling they think I'm exaggerating. They all say they don't believe me because he looks so cute.

spanky2, that's a good point about his getting ideas from the other Terribles! I had better keep DS clear!

I have a feeling they all behave better at preschool/in nursery, not only because the carers, especially the older ones, are experienced at stopping this sort of nonsense , but also because there is apparently a kind of group dyamic, which encourages them all to go to bed at the same time.

Sounds exactly like my DS, 2.2 years old. Really thought I was the only one and am SO relieved that I am not!!!

Thanks for this thread! My 2.6 DD is lovely and funny but also like so many others.

Not willing to get dressed, no baths, ABSOLUTELY no hair washing, no hair brushing, teeth brushing only if she can do it herself including application of toothpaste, not wanting either to go out or stay in.

She also has to do everything herself including ringing all bells, switching on all lights, turning on the dishwasher, turning on the TV (thankfully to high to reach) and changing DS's nappy.

I'm also a bit stuck about the please and thankyous at the moment. I get an 'open this mummy' me- what do you say? DD - 'open this right now. I said now. Don't you talk to me go to the naughty step.'

I can get her to cooperate if I pick moments carefully or get her engaged but it does have consequences... this morning we have to build a snow dragon as that is the only way she was prepared to get dressed.

My 2.8 yr old DS is exactly the same and driving me mad as well!

DH is beginning to despair - he's not working now but cant wait till he goes back - its hard enough dealing with DS let alone DH thinking hes not normal!

He cries cos he wants to put his own sugar on his weetabix, cries when he spills it, cries when i mop it up, cries when he doesnt want it cos its got sugar on

I really hope he grows out of this phase quick cos its hard work The other 2 werent this hard work

DD is 2.8 and much of this is familiar: bossy, selectively deaf, very independent. She goes in more for wingeing than full on tantrums which is like nails down a blackboard for me.
I have found that her competitive edge can be used against her eg if she is playing and doesn't want to stop and do what I want I make it into a race and she falls for it every time because she so hates to lose.
I also only fight necessary battles although this did mean me taking a small person in fairy wings, a tutu and wellies to the supermarket the other day.
I also walk away into another room and ignore her if she is wingeing or tantruming but I think it is more for my sanity then any positive effect on her. I warn her once before I do it and afterwards I ask her to apologise and we have a hug and try to forget it and move on.

Sometimes I have to kneel down and hold DS1's head to get him to look at me when I want him to understand something. Luckily we live in a quiet area so I can let him walk by himself for a lot of the time, so he's usually OK to just hold hands when we cross a road. If he's being really stroppy we go out for a walk and I let him jump in puddles.
Saying "we have to do this so we can do that" works most of the time. I ignore him if he shrieks and he never gets his own way by shrieking. We go into other room (DS1 still visible but with his back to us) if he makes a fuss about food. If he's left to himself he'll usually eat it. I try and give him as much freedom as possible even though I might want to get on and do something else.
Picking him up and dancing round with him normally distracts him.
Very hard work, though, especially with baby around. Fortunately, when he's happy he's lovely and a good laugh.

I am laughing with relief at this thread. My DS (2.2) is a combination of all your children. This morning he wanted banana on his toast. when I gave it to him he howled "Nooooo banana, ma'made!" So I scraped it off and put on the marmalade. He burst into tears - "Noooo toast, bread!" He then spent the rest of the morning alternately in tears or demanding different things at every turn.

He screams when i wash his hair.

He screams if daddy not mummy gets him out of the bath/dressed, then screams if mummy not daddy does it.

He screams when I put his gloves on and screams when they fall off.

The other day he was howling about going to sleep. After lots of cuddling and sweet-talking I said crossly, "DS, go to sleep." He raised his little head up, looked at me and said "I don't want to." I had to cough to cover my laughter.

The most amazing thing is that he's actually easier than DD was at this age...

Re. tactics, I also fight necessary battles only, and if he's demanding or shouting for something I say to him 'How do you ask for x', or 'Can you do your nice voice?' and then give him loads of praise when he does use his nice voice (or a modified version of the former voice!)

I am crying reading these, but it is good to know I am not on my own. DS, 2.2, has just had a complete meltdown when I tried to take his pyjamas off, then wouldnt't get dressed, kicked and screamed and hit me. so he got put on the naughty step and I was so upset and angry. all this despite being told half an hour before that we are going swimming, gotta get dressed, gotta get in the car etc. think he is having a bad day. Anyway, swimming is now cancelled, not cos he's naughty just cos I can't face it. and i feel so guilty.
he is now sat on my knee, watching peppa pig on utube.
think we will have a duvet day

oh and DH thinks he is the only child that behaves like this.

my little boy is 2 years 3 months and sounds just like all the above children.
Because he speaks very clearly and his rather tall for his age people tend to think he is older. And you can see their disaproval when he is having a tantrum when we are out. Sometimes its easy to forget he is only two.

Well, I think it is unequivocal that our joyous LO's are all going through this. DS at 2.4 has definitely been pushing his boundaries. Constantly. A few things I have found that help:

• As a poster earlier said, I give him choices. So getting dressed in the morning I let him pick his tshirt etc.
• I dont force him to do anything. I dont expect anyone to use physical force with me, so find it totally unacceptable that someone would with a child (OP - totally disagree with the hood pulling, disclaimer being unless they are doing something dangerous obviously). I have just realised that if I want to be out of the house in 20 mins, I start shoes/ coat etc 20 mins earlier. If he absolutely refuses to do what I have asked (and this also extends to nappy changes), I tell him that since he isnt listening to mummy, mummy will not listen to him and ignore him. This has resulted in 40 min stand offs, but more likely than not, he comes shuffling along after 5-10 mins asking to have his nappy changed, shoes put on etc.

• I have just started a reward chart with stars and he is starting to associate being nice with getting a reward once he gets a certain amount of stars
• I have absolutely stopped using the word 'naughty' around him. When this behaviour arrived virtually overnight, I found that using the word naughty made him even worse. Now I either tell him, that he isnt being nice or that he is being rude.
• I use time out etc during the day/ but at bathtime/ bedtime when that isnt an option - I simply tell him that not nice beahviour will mean no book reading (which he loves). Had to enforce once, he screamed for 30 mins before going to sleep, but he has listened in subsequent bathtimes. So an immediate withdrawal of something they love may work.

These things have helped me, so thought I wouls share. But yes, there are days when all you think you have done is constantly battle with them. But I wouldnt change him for the world!

Phew! So good to know that other 2 year olds are like this.

DS has times when everything is a battle. Everyhing must be negotiated and persuaded. I use all the tricks in the book but it's bloody hard work isn't it?

The things that work best for us are having just a few definite rules (things like holding hands while crossing the road, no hitting etc) and letting him have his way with other things (like refusing to wear a bib) that would just cause a row for the sake of it. Also praising the good behaviour works a treat, especially if you go way over the top with it.

Other tips I can remember is giving choices such as [to child who doesn't want a bath]

"Do you want a bubbly bath or a not bubbly bath?"

If they choose one - they usually do - then they have tacitly agreed to having a bath and are more co-operative.

Also, "Do you want to put your coat on by yourself, or do you want Mummy to put it on for you?"

Another trick is to say no but make it sound like yes.

Eg, child won't eat his lunch. Says he wants a banana.

Instead of saying "No, you can't have a banana until you have eaten your lunch," try: "Yes of course you can have a banana sweetheart, as soon as you have finished your lunch." You are saying the same thing, but in the first example the child hears "no" and in the second they hear "yes."

DS2 is 3 at the end of Jan, tantrums of late have included:-

Me not peeling an apple like a satsuma

Not letting him carry wine bottles from the car on the icy road

Not dancing the same like last time

Me getting him out of bed and not daddy

Not letting him drive to pick ds1 up from school.

Sigh.

This all sounds very familiar - DS is 2.4 and most of the time a lovely child. But we definitely have days that go like this:

• I don't want toast. I WANT TOAST!!
• No I don't want cereal, I want Mummy's cereal. No I WANT MY CEREAL!

And so on and so forth...

Oh this thread is a godsend!

My DS isn't even 2 yet but we definitely have our moments! And when I think of how I used to judge people with toddlers, thinking oh they just need to be firm with them

The choices thing works with my DS. So you can have carrots, brocolli or peas. DS "No". Me "well those are your choices, carrots, brocolli or peas". DS "NO" "NO" "NO". Me "right do you want mummy to choose?" DS (in a small voice and with a pout) "carrots".

He is MUCH more likely to eat them after this little performance!

Will be watching this thread for any more tips!

My DS (2.6) is exactly the same. Even with the whole bath routine. Just repeat to yourself 'it's only a phase. it's only a phase' and breathe!

Sounds perfectly normal to me!! my FOUR year old is much the same - probably not what you wanted to hear eh, but it does get easier less frequent