I don't think ds got off to a good start with his new head this morning. How can I help him?

[scrooged]

"So you're in year 5?" (head teacher)

"might be" (ds)

"I think you are in year 5"

"could be"

"Are you nervous?"

"No, I don't get nervous"

"I think we need to work on the mannars here"

Ignore away. You and your child are the ones who are going to suffer if you get sucked into this nonsense, not me.

Sorry, I ment I ignored the eye question on the sheet. Not yours

Scrooged believe me, I also read similar website in desperation several years ago before my DS was dx ADHD. A bright, vivacious, non-conformist who lived by his own agenda. It didn't take me long to realise this was not him, I was not that desperate. I think your original post has opened a can of worms for you

Yup!
I do think it's hard to comment on ds without knowing him properly IYSWIM. I can't say "well, he's done this" without people knowing the other side of him, it wouldn't be fair or accurate but when I do this I'm told I'm making excuses for him.

Wasn't sure if you had mentioned if he had ever seen an Educational Psych or similar to assess behaviour ? Has it ever been suggested to you by schools? Just wondered.

No, I have asked a few times, he responds well to whaever we've come up with so they have never said anything about it. Alot was put down to the lack of male role models by the psycho head though, hence the fencing and breakdancing clubs.

I'm off to collect him.

Scrooged, our responses are not about this incident alone. However, many of your responses simply keep returning to the incident with the Headteacher. We are referring to the many incidents you have posted about over the last 18 months and your subsequent action/inaction.

No, we don't know your child, but we know what you've told us about his on-going behaviour issues and have responded to that information.

I agree with Seeker re the description fitting almost every child in some way.

You're posting on an internet forum, asking for advice and yet you don't want us to actually disagree with you. People have offered advice and suggested possible ways forward, but you don't seem to want to take them on board at all.

Scrooged, don't think I've read any of your other threads, am not familiar with your story or anything. I have just read those Indigo Child questions. I can absolutely promise you that when I was a child you could have said yes to all of them about me.

This is not a good thing. Regardless of my, clearly unrecognised, specialness, I was taught politeness, discipline, self-discipline, respect for others, empathy, and many other virtues which did not all come naturally to me.

I learnt to be polite to adults and treat them with respect. My parents would not have described an exchange such as you describe in your op as silliness; it would have been rude and they would have been ashamed of me.

I learnt to cope with being bored and frustrated with boring and frustrating tasks. This is terribly helpful as I have never done anything that does not include an element of boredom and frustration at some point.

I could go on, but I won't.

Please stop describing his behaviour as silliness. It is not.

Incidentally, my daughter was described as indigo by 'someone who knows'. I smiled and said 'oh gosh, how exciting', and forgot about it. Irrelevant. That way lies wasted life.

Every parent in the world knows that their child is special. To them. If they have any sense, they don't expect everyone else to agree with them.

Scrooged, it is a little odd to ask for advice and then get cross because people give it.

You can't help your DS until you realise that your attitude is part of the problem. You are reinforcing his behaviours by writing them off as 'boy stuff', 'nervousness' 'misinterpreted jokes' and 'thinking he is an adult'.

If I was you I would be taking ANY responsibilities away from him, and I would be telling him that he can have them back when he can show that he is old enough by treating people with more respect. Make him prove that he is as old as he thinks he is.

He needs to learn that sometimes he needs to just do stuff because he has been told, just answer questions because he has been asked, and just BUTTON IT because it isn't the time for discussion.

Is it any wonder she's heading to indigoland if this is the way she's treated on mumsnet...? I freely admit I haven't read the other threads. But on this one scrooged has said her son was out of order - that she was embarrassed - that she told him off, etc, etc. Which all sounds reasonable to me. And maybe her son does think he's an adult equal. tbh I know other kids who think like that too and they're equally capable of saying such things/ saying the wrong things to teachers, etc. It doesn't always make them very nice, and it often gets them into trouble. Certainly they need to be kept a firm check on and that behaviour not tolerated rather than condoned, but that's what scrooged says she's trying to do. Equally though as she says, it doesn't mean her son's not lovely or well formed. so please stop this. How's it helping anyone?

Smee - you really need to understand that the op has posted about her son before. There is a lot of history - and the op has refused help or constructive criticism before. It's not all one sided - the op is looking for escape routes, and she has found another one.

And if I were to start threads every six months saying ds had fallen over and hurt himself would you assume he fell over all the time?

scrooged soory you are having such a tough time.

It's alright. I think this thread needs killing off! Too many assumptions!!

scrooged - I'd love to be supportive/helpful to you. I love 'alternative-y stuff" and I was initially seduced by the Indigo stuff too. But thescales fell from my eyes - please use the experience on here - it's such a valuable resource!

I would find the info on here helpful however it appears to dismiss whatever I say and comes to it's own, inaccurate conclusions. So I posted previously that he's been a PITA. This doesn't mean I've done nothing about it and have allowed it to continue, oblivious to my child's faults. I don't know whether the indigo is really ds, it sounds like him however I can't take this risk. I try and explain what he's like besides his mouth but I get it in the neck. There are two sides to every story but the posters on here only see one. Every child is rude sometimes, yes, so was ds and he was pulled up on it. I have written this yet no one reads this so I get comments about it that are not true. Then I put how I do not allow him to have adult responsibilities then I get comments saying I must treat him like a child.

I can't do the right thing here can I!

Scrooged I'm very about the Indigo stuff.

Your DS sounds like a (very) bright lad who had been brought up as an only child and on occasion sees himself as your equal.

Some children (people) are just bright, and have don't take authority well. It doesn't mean they have weak parents, but I don't think it means they are extra special either.

DS1 ticks most of the points on that list and there is no way I'm going down the "Indigo" route.

Maybe you should start a new thead about it....

Obviously posters on here have never met your son, or even a child like him, so will tend to atack your parenting.

There seems to be a lot of posters who think
bright children are capable of behaving perfectly if they want to and are brought up properly. If only that were true.

I have speed read the thread. The point is he was rude to the Head, he appears to have no concept of hierarchy.

Ds's headmaster told him to dress himself the other day, aka stick your shirt in.

I smiled and said and what did you say, he said, I didn't say anything Mummy, he is the boss.

Thanks Lynette
He's a lovely kid though, he cried because the wind blew my umberella inside out and it's bent now. He said it was his fault because he wanted to use it. I seem to get attacked though when I try to show that he's not always the obnoxious, rude boy. He's like this once in a blue moon. I think he was nervous, it's another school, he knows no one there, it's a bigger class so I will be on his side. It doesn't mean I let him get away with this though.

I don't know about the Indigo, it was a suggestion from someone, it could be any child though so I am sceptical.

Yes Bree. He was rude, I couldn't care less whether he was nervous, he was told by me and he appologised. He's had 2 lovely days other then this.

Please just ignore the indigo stuff - it's a red herring, I promise!