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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

I don't think ds got off to a good start with his new head this morning. How can I help him?

167 replies

scrooged · 02/03/2009 13:04

"So you're in year 5?" (head teacher)

"might be" (ds)

"I think you are in year 5"

"could be"

"Are you nervous?"

"No, I don't get nervous"

"I think we need to work on the mannars here"

OP posts:

Original poster

scrooged · 02/03/2009 14:40

She took him off before I could say anything else Grammaticus, I did manage to get him to be quiet though.

I will be going nuts. I'm really disappointed.

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Grammaticus · 02/03/2009 14:40

But surely if he's being as silly as the other children then he is exactly on their level?

I have a year 5 boy. He doesn't behave like this.

Original poster

scrooged · 02/03/2009 14:45

I don't know if it was the right thing for him to move him back, he behaved well in an older class and displayed the same maturity. In a class his own age he also displayed the same maturity (was equally as silly) but I don't want him to be silly (not in class or infront of the head/teachers etc).

If your child was in a class of silly boys would he sit and do nothing or join in??? ds is a jolly, sometimes silly child, this is who he is. I don't like it and I try and make sure it comes out at appropriate times but no one chooses their child's personality. I'm trying to work with the child I have.

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Grammaticus · 02/03/2009 14:49

He would sit and behave. That is what he knows he should do. He doesn't join in. I'm not saying this to be smug, but because I think you need to work hard to avoid giving your DS two messages:

that he is better than the yr5 boys, or brighter, or more mature, or that they are somehow beneath him, and

that it is inevitable that if others are silly, he will be too. It doesn't matter what others do, he still needs to know that he is expected (by you) to behave.

Grammaticus · 02/03/2009 14:51

And - he wasn't in a class of silly boys was he, he was talking to the Head!

LynetteScavo · 02/03/2009 14:53

Scrooged Thanks for letting me know which book - have you name changed since last year - or is there another Mumsnetter with a DS jsut like yours?

Original poster

scrooged · 02/03/2009 14:56

Ds does sit and behave. It's his mouth that causes all of his problems. He doesn't think about things before he says them. Ds does laugh at children being silly, he will join in but not in the classroom. He makes friends by being silly, hence he attracts the silly children. I've tried and tried to resolve this, he's had more quieter friends but prefers the loud/silly ones.

He knows he's bright, I try and bring him down to earth and tell him there are people brighter then him. He doesn't think he's better then them, he see's himself as an equal to an adult, despite all the chats about this we've had. This is where he's going wrong IMO. If he understood and acknoweldged that he (as a child) should do as they are told/shouldn't answer back my life and everyone elses life will be alot easier.

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mrsturnip · 02/03/2009 14:56

social stories a good idea.

Original poster

scrooged · 02/03/2009 14:58

I couldn't possibly say

I name changed at halloween, I like this better then avenanap. We used the book for a few months, it worked a treat. It's about £8 from Amazon. I would have seen the GP if it didn't work.

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Grammaticus · 02/03/2009 14:59

I think you need to listen to littlefish, she makes very good points

georgimama · 02/03/2009 14:59

I agree with Grammaticus. I think having been a year ahead of himself (and I was in this situation in primary school, before joining senior school with the correct age group) has given him the impression that he is more grown up/intelligent than year 5s.

I'm all for encouraging children to be mature, but this behaviour was immature and he needs to know that.

Also, I don't think he does sound particularly empathic, if he says he doesn't know what it is like to be nervous. Empathy is imagining how someone else feels - he clearly wasn't empathising with you or the head.

Original poster

scrooged · 02/03/2009 15:00

I'm hoping there is another mnter with a child like mine, I bet there is.

We did lots of social skills stuff mrsturnip. I'll be getting the book out again when he gets home.

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LynetteScavo · 02/03/2009 15:04

Ah! I thought you might be avenanap! It seems your DS is truely unique.

Original poster

scrooged · 02/03/2009 15:05

ds is impulsive, act/talk first and think later. I'll give him a while to settle in, if the school think he needs assessment etc then I'm more then happy to support them. It's in no ones best interest to leave things.

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Original poster

scrooged · 02/03/2009 15:08

That's one word for him lynette. I knew he'd be a fun loving handful quite early on. He's lovely (99% of the time) at home, I rarly tell him off. He just needs to be nicer when not at home. If he treated everyone how he treats me there would be no problems.

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Original poster

scrooged · 02/03/2009 15:09

I'm off to collect him. Wish me luck!

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Grammaticus · 02/03/2009 15:12

You do make excuses for him, scrooged - on this thread alone you have posted the following comments:

Ds does sit and behave. It's his mouth that causes all of his problems

Ds does laugh at children being silly, he will join in but not in the classroom.

He knows he's bright...he sees himself as an equal to an adult

the other children are not on his level so he's being as silly as they are

the head thought he was too opinionated (this is why I moved him, not because of ds)

I didn't like the way he was learning off the other boys, his friends were as silly as him, if not worse so he was learning all this

he was doing so well up until he moved in September

the other boys were alot worse and he was copying them. He's normally OK.

And that's without all your other threads. I'm sorry to quote from your posts, I know that it appears harsh. But it seems to me that you waver from saying his behaviour is fine to saying that it's not and I just don't get the impression that you are firm with him about it.

Smee · 02/03/2009 15:13

scrooged, am a bit amazed at how blunt some of the posts on here are. To those posters shame on you - not for having an opinion, as I should think that's what scrooged is after, but more for the tone of what you're writing. Read it back to yourselves and see how you'd feel fgs.
For what it's worth Scrooged, instead of having a go when you pick him up, talk to him about how he must have come over to his new head. I'd also meet with the school - head or whoever - and say help me/ tell me when he's like this. If he's changed schools as many times as he has he needs help to not be like that. And tbh I'm not surprised he's being arsey if he's been moved that much and also kept down a year. He probably doesn't know if he's coming or going. Surprise him by giving him a hug as starting a new school's hard, but equally talk to the school and don't let it continue.

mrsturnip · 02/03/2009 15:26

Has he just gone down from year 6 to year 5? When did that happen?

Is OP a reflection on pissed offness with being moved down?

LynetteScavo · 02/03/2009 15:42

Maybe he was hoping to be in Y6.

Actually - he sounds like a pretty normal 10 year old who would rather be in Y6 than Y5.

2shoes · 02/03/2009 15:48

sorry read the thread but don't know the "history" he sounds like a yr 6 to me, they get very "big" and full of themselves, I got a bit confuesed by thread, but if I read it right and he has been with yr 6 boys sounds like he has just picked up thier habits.

LucyEllensmummy · 02/03/2009 15:57

I bet the head master was inwardly pissing himself

Original poster

scrooged · 02/03/2009 17:12

He's a very bright boy, he skipped a year (skipped year 4) last year in his old(old) school, the then head wanted him in her class so she could stretch him and see what level he was working at. This was all arranged then 2 weeks before he was due to go back after summer we had a letter saying she'd sold the school and would not be returning. The head that took over was an 'interesting chap', devout catholic, didn't like single mothers (there are none left in the school now ), nor did he like it when ds asked him questions. I moved him to one I thought was better, I was assured ds would be stretched etc but this was not the case. It took 3 hours for me to travel to drop ds off and collect him every day, I get paid monthly so run into problems meeting the fees as they wanted them termly. This school wanted to place ds back into his own age group rather then the year 6 he would have been in if left at the old school. He's 9 by the way. I find this confusing too , I do feel for him, it's a difficult thing to move a child, this was the last thing I wanted to do,

He did applogise to her, he said she told him she didn't like the word 'possibly' and he appologised. His teacher said he's had a good day. I have spoken to him about how he speaks to people. We met the class teacher on Thursday, the class works with year 6 for certain lessons (maths and english I think) as they are tiered together so he will get the chance to be a 'year 6'.

Thankyou for your support . I have spoken to him, he didn't have a rude tone IYKWIM, more jokey so I think he was nervous, he didn't handle it well so we'll work on this.
Thankyou.

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LynetteScavo · 02/03/2009 17:44

I thinkg you have been very gracious scrooged, considering some of the responses on this thread!

Original poster

scrooged · 02/03/2009 17:51

I'll come back to this thread in a couple of weeks when the PMT's kicked in

Some have been nice though, I do thankyou all.

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