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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

OMG please tell me it doesn't get any worse than this...

92 replies

PeppermintPatty · 21/09/2008 19:05

the so called "terribles twos" - can they start at 15 months?

My DD is driving me round the bend ATM. Tantrums.
Hitting / scratching me.
Shouting "NO! NO! NO!" to everything I say.
Screaming.
Extreme fussiness.
Wanting to do things she isn't capable of(ie. climbing a big climbing frame aimed at older children with big drops on either side) and having a big strop when I stop her.
Refusing to go in her buggy.
Refusing to wear shoes - throwing them out the buggy so I nearly lose them.
Refusing to let me change her nappy.

I try distraction / bribery with food / giving her lots of attention. It sometimes works, sometimes not.

It's exhausting.

Sorry I've had a hard day

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

RambleOn · 21/09/2008 19:10

Put your feet up with me and have a glass of something.

I am in the same boat as you, although my DD has just started this on the run-up to her second birthday.

It also happens to have co-incided with my being 6m pg and getting out of breathe just climbing upstairs.

No advice to give really, just wanted to say that you're not alone.

mariamerryweather · 21/09/2008 19:16

Huge sympathy from me - my day sounds exactly the same as yours with my - yes - 15 month old DD. I think teething could be part of the problem with mine or perhaps over-tiredness as she's just dropped her afternoon nap but it is truly heinous. Wine is poured, however.

Original poster

PeppermintPatty · 21/09/2008 19:16

Poor you. It must be hard being pregnant too

I'm worried. If she's like this now, will she be worse at 2???
If so god help me.

OP posts:

Original poster

PeppermintPatty · 21/09/2008 19:23

Ooo glad someone else has a 15mo like mine (although not glad you're going through this too maria!). All the other babies I know of similar age seem so compliant and well behaved.
Mmmm maybe my DD teething too...

Unfortunatley I can't drink at the moment (got to wait till my blood test comes back, I've had glandular fever and my liver enzymes went wonky)

OP posts:

mariamerryweather · 21/09/2008 19:30

Oh you poor thing - sorry you've been ill - and hello RambleOn - must be tough being pg too, although I find I can hardly remember what it felt like.

Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day for us all - I am taking small comfort in the fact DD went to sleep immediately so may sleep through... fingers crossed.

Maybe the twos won't be so terrible as we'll be super-equipped to distact and bribe - here's hoping!

StealthPolarBear · 21/09/2008 19:34

DS does this, he's coming up to 17 months. Wants to do things his own way and can have a meltdown if we tell him no. I think part of hus problem is that he's not really talking yet so he can't communicate his frustration.

Themasterandmargaritas · 21/09/2008 19:39

Another one here, ds2 at 16 months, has the same frustrations. He was definitely worse about 2 weeks ago when teething with his canines. Now they have come through he is marginally calmer. It is frustration that he can't make himself understood.He is also super sticky velcro baby. I seem to remember that once they talk it gets a little easier? At least that is what I am telling myself....

whomovedmychocolate · 21/09/2008 19:39

LOL - DD is two in October - I have a nine week old DS. We're in hell.

It's pretty bad when they are 15 months old, but so much worse when they are nearly two and have weight, strength and speed behind them.

But I'm told that the worst bit is and and a half to two and a half so I'm holding onto that hope!

StealthPolarBear · 21/09/2008 19:42

wmmc you're not helping

WinkyWinkola · 21/09/2008 19:50

It's so so so hard when they are like this. DH and I were driven to total despair when our DS regularly went mental with screaming fits and refusal to cooperate.

It is exhausting and it can put a real pressure on your relationship with your partner.

It's very wearing but we found the following did help a bit.

Don't take what they say too literally or just ignore it. For example, if the child is saying, "No, no, no, no," think to yourself that your DD doesn't know what she's saying, get on with getting ready to go out or whatever it is that you need to get done. Work around her, ignoring her. E.g. Don't make her wear shoes if she refuses to. Let her go in stockinged or bare foot. She'll soon change her mind!

If you can, give the child a way out of their fury and offer a hug. My DS would be puce and then I'd hold out my arms and he would just run into them, the anger broken but sobbing because he just couldn't see a way to get out of the cycle of rage. But the timing of offering hug matters because sometimes he just wasn't angry enough at that particular time IYSWIM.

Ignore if necessary. I found that punishments just didn't work because he was too worked up to even listen or understand what I was saying. Don't get involved with the rage. It can make you angry yourself. When your DD has calmed down, lavish her with hugs, attention, kisses etc.

Be consistent with not giving in to her demands about going on the big climbing frame etc. Stick to what you think is right, safe and appropriate for your DD.

Don't give up. It is just a stage and how long it lasts varies from child to child. We've had 17 months of it and it's getting better now DS is 3 and a half and is able to express himself better.

I hope things get a lot better for you quickly.

Original poster

PeppermintPatty · 21/09/2008 19:52

ARGH! Don't tell me that!

DD can talk - obviously not in sentences or anything, but she is good at letting us know what she wants, and she uses actions as well.

It's just when I say no that problems arise...and she isn't old enough to be reasoned with or anything.

OP posts:

mariamerryweather · 21/09/2008 19:53

Pouring a second glass of wine and trying not to think about the year to come

kwaker5 · 21/09/2008 19:54

Not much more to add except that (I think) it is far worse when they are overtired. I would say completely dropping the daytime nap should happen around the 2.5-3 mark?

MrsMattie · 21/09/2008 19:54

I sympathise. It does get a lot worse though! . I found 2.5-3 yrs old the hardest of all (so far).

Wine, chocolate, bath...tommorrow is another day!

asdmumandteacher · 21/09/2008 19:56

Try living with an autistic child - thats worse than a two year old tantrumer

Original poster

PeppermintPatty · 21/09/2008 19:57

THanks for the good advice WW. I do a lot of ignoring it must be said. And my phrase of the moment is "sorry DD you've got no choice" while I force her into her buggy or whatever.

Can't believe you've had 17 months of it, you must be an expert by now

Are all children like this, or are some worse than others? My DD does seem worse than other babies I know

OP posts:

mariamerryweather · 21/09/2008 19:58

Cross posted with WW's very helpful advice - totally agree that there is no point in punishing - distraction seems the only way forward with DD. Today I found myself waggling my legs in the air, beetle-like, which worked - for oh, about a minute...

Lubyloo · 21/09/2008 19:59

I know how you feel. Dh and I have had a crap weekend as DD (2.11) has behaved so appallingly. We are still snapping at each other even now she is in bed. She seems to be getting worse rather than better and I am dreading tomorrow.

mariamerryweather · 21/09/2008 20:01

Oh, and DD does have one long daytime nap (was having one in the afternoon too until recently) - thanks though kwaker5, perhaps I need to shift it to later.

MrsMattie · 21/09/2008 20:04

Lubyloo - 2.11 was the ultimate horrific age for us with our DS. He is 3.7 now and has got miles better in the last few months. I feel your pain

asdmumandteacher · 21/09/2008 20:07

You should count your blessings that your children are developmentally normal. Am sorry but all kiddies have tantrums

MrsMattie · 21/09/2008 20:08

Sorry but just because my child doesn't have autism doesn't mean I don't count my blessings everyday or that I can't moan about a tantrum on a bad day! What a ridiculous comment to make.

Janni · 21/09/2008 20:15

Huge sympathies, Peppermintpatty and yes, children do have very different temperaments. Some are not particularly challenging at any age (not many!), some are very difficult at certain stages but then chill out and some challenge you in one way or another all the way through. The latter are probably the ones who will go on to be world leaders

Am not going to add to the advice on managing your DDs behaviour, but I will just say that what helps me when my children are challenging is to sort of 'rise above it' and not let it get to me, sort of detach from it, if that makes sense. DH always says that wearing an ipod and listening to nice music drowns out the effect of a tantrumming toddler

It is hard though and you need to be good to yourself and keep rewarding yourself with nice treats for getting through another day with all members of the family still alive.

asdmumandteacher · 21/09/2008 20:19

Mrs Mattie - i sincerely hope that you are never a mother to a disabled child for if i were in your position i could not say those things to a mother of a disabled child. you have no idea

Plonker · 21/09/2008 20:22

asdmum - everyone is allowed to have a moan

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