OMG please tell me it doesn't get any worse than this...

[PeppermintPatty]

the so called "terribles twos" - can they start at 15 months?

My DD is driving me round the bend ATM. Tantrums.
Hitting / scratching me.
Shouting "NO! NO! NO!" to everything I say.
Screaming.
Extreme fussiness.
Wanting to do things she isn't capable of(ie. climbing a big climbing frame aimed at older children with big drops on either side) and having a big strop when I stop her.
Refusing to go in her buggy.
Refusing to wear shoes - throwing them out the buggy so I nearly lose them.
Refusing to let me change her nappy.

I try distraction / bribery with food / giving her lots of attention. It sometimes works, sometimes not.

It's exhausting.

Sorry I've had a hard day

[CarofromWton]

Sorry I haven't read all the posts but just wanted to give you some encouragement. My DD1 (now 10) was a nightmare for continual tantrums from approx 14 months - sometimes they seemed to last all day, whatever I did. When I spoke to my HV she said that those children who have the terrible twos early usually finish early as well. She was right! DD1 became an angel when she reached 2 and the tantrumming just disappeared. (Don't ask me what she's like now though - she's now hitting the teens early)

As you are expecting a second baby, please note that no. 2 won't necessarily be the same. My DD2 (now 4.5) has never been through the tantrumming phase and, so far, has been a much easier child all round.

So - there is good news!

[WinkyWinkola]

That's your life and your children, asdmumandteacher. Everyone is different.

[PussinJimmyChoos]

I think it was more of a light hearted title though...I mean I started thread the other day 'please come and tell me I'm not a bad parent' because I was stressed DS had watched too much TV while I did the housework!! You could argue that wasn't an appropriate title, but it was more of a stressed oh, this is how I feel at the moment type title - am sure that's how patty felt

[asdmumandteacher]

PJC of course - you are right - it is for all and i felt that this thread made me react negatively cos i would do anything for a child with normal development to have normal tantrums - i guess thats my grief coming out again...as all mums of disabled children feel i guess

[snowleopard]

Yes, for your experience adsmum, that may hold true and no one is denying how difficult having a child with SN is for you.

But you can't speak for everyone and just decide for them that because they, in your opinion, aren't having as tough a time as you, they can't say "OMG please tell me it doesn't get any worse". They can if they like. You don't know their 15mo, and you don't know them either - people can and do find it very tough for zillions of valid reasons.

Anyway people might write a thread title like that about something way more trivial too, their new puppy, or the awful soup they've just made. As you will see.

[WinkyWinkola]

asdmumandteacher, I hope that you find mumsnet really supportive and helpful. There's some really amazing people on here with great advice. Take care.

[snowleopard]

I cross-posted with you asdmum and see where you're coming from with that, sorry if I sounded harsh. I think you will get a huge amount from MN if you stay.

[asdmumandteacher]

No probs - its just that i would do anything to have my boy be normal

[WinkyWinkola]

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time, asdmumandteacher.

[asdmumandteacher]

its ok . we all have crap to get thru in our lives - i just never imagined mine would be this...i guess we never know..

[MrsMattie]

We don't, it's true@asdmum. I'm 30 weeks pregnant with my second child. Who knows what this one will be like, or what difficulties we might face with him/her?

I really do sympathise with you - I don't mean that in a patroninsing way. I know how tough I have found being a parent to a developmentally 'normal' child with lots of support and help from my family. I can only imagine how hard others have it, and do genuinely count my blessings every day.

Stay on MN. You will find lots of great people here and loads of support. If you do ever want to let off steam about how hard it is coping with your child sometimes, I bet you you'll have loads of replies from people in a similar boat, or people who want to offer their support regardless. You just have to take into account that we all have different lives and experiences.

[asdmumandteacher]

Thats exactly it Mrs Mattie - we all do.

[wehaveallbeenthere]

asdmum...and all. If you get a chance check out this site called alternet.org It has a write up about teflon and scotchguard (remember those? my mother was big on both) and how they put manmade chemicals into the bloodstream when they broke down.
I wonder (as my mother used teflon pans all the time and I did too) how much is in my own bloodstream because you would probably have to test for those chems exclusively.
We do all have a lot of doodoo to wade through without the hidden stuff that was supposed to make our lives so much easier.
Mine does the feces and wet the bed (and sometimes walls and other stuff too) and I've found putting a shower curtain under the sheets helps protect the mattress.
I took a Judo self defense class in college and its saved me from getting gutted when daughter wanted to use a butcher knife on an apple.
I don't have nice china or crystal...I got rid of the glasses (everyday kind) in favor of some outdoor picnic kind. They are kind of pricey but they don't break and look like glass.
If you have any tips for getting through easier please post.
I've already said mine never slept until school, that doesn't say much for all the colds, shots recovery, bad dreams and just plain not tireds everyone will go through raising their darling babies. {grin}

[dax]

Yes asdmum, don't you dare leave, you have as much right to be here as anyone does, stop arguing all of you and get offering some good sound advice!

[dax]

It is important for us all to hear how hard it is for mums of autistic children because then we can try to understand what it is like and loose some of our uneducated ignorance about it all.

[asdmumandteacher]

thanks guys - off to bed now

[wehaveallbeenthere]

Oh, if you are first time mums just remember that the more children you have (and older you get of course) the chances for multiple babies goes up.
Twins don't run in my family (my husbands mother was a twin but they are supposed to skip, I think) so just think how wonderful it is when they double team you. My two youngers did that. One would sleep and the other would cry, then trade off. It was maddening! Same way with tantrums and now the middle child will do things (leap the couch, jump the stairs) to "get even" with me because she knows the younger will try to do that.
The other day I told her not to run in the house and of course she didn't listen so she ran around a corner and stubbed her toe. She went hopping on one foot across the floor in pain and the younger saw this and went hopping (mimicking) after her. I had to laugh.

[wehaveallbeenthere]

night asdmum, I'm out too.

[whomovedmychocolate]

I'm ignoring the 'my kid is worse than your kid because...' bit.

dBut I do think it's worth letting your kids win sometimes, I let DD go out in her wellies in hot sunshine if she wants (she loves her wellies - they are red) because it's not going to actually hurt her and hey, if it gets her in the car within twenty minutes, it's a good deal - I can always change her shoes later anyway.

[wehaveallbeenthere]

whomovedmychocolate, That is a good point. My youngest (and I honestly don't know of any child that isn't) is motivated more by compromise than ultimately doing things my way. She loves tie-dyed t-shirts (has 2 that are her favorites) and although she has others Mondays go easier if she has one of those instead of something else to wear. It makes for one less battle before school.

[meandmyjoe]

My ds has always been a difficult baby. He's only 13 months old and is exactly as the op described. He screaches and cries when I say no. Has always hated gettiing his nappy changes or getting dressed, always hated being in the buggy, usually ends up screaming and crying. He has got better since walking but still very different to other babies his age. I sympathise. asdmumandtascher, I really think anyone is entitled to complain about tantrums, it's difficult wheather autisitic or not. We are all grateful we have healthy, developmentally 'normal' but tantrums are worrying and draining for everyone. Mumsnet is here for ranting, complaining, seeking advice and geting reassurrance not to be shot down and judged. All children can be difficult whether autistic or not and it's our right to be able to seek answers without being made to feel guilty because our children are as you put it 'normal'.

[wehaveallbeenthere]

meandmyjoe, I hope your situation doesn't turn out like mine. My middle child was cranky from the starting gate. She never left the tantrum stage (now 12). When she was little she would get so worked up we would gentley pour water over her because we thought she would pass out from screaming and turning red with anger. It surprised her (only needed to do it twice for her to realize we would do it again if she continuted to carry on so) and she didn't get that bad since. She does still have tantrums, just older child tantrums.
The youngest actually laughs at her when she gets that way though which is both funny and somewhat reassuring. The youngest is autistic and when she turned 8 she would have short little tantrums. I just turn off everything and leave the room. She has learned that it won't get her what she wants. I do have to take her from the attention circle occasionally in the grocery store though. Or in a shopping store lead her away from the item she wants...she can carry on like that particular item is a life or death though.

[wehaveallbeenthere]

Okay, it's later. My autistic child is having a tantrum now. As long as she doesn't injure herself I will just let her. She is winding down. This is from my making dinner. Everyone is at the table. Dinner is served and I leave to go run some errands. They have their father there. I am gone maybe 20plus minutes. I get back and the toy room is completely trashed. Okay...two garbage bags. I sack up good toys and remove them. Everything else gets put up. My autistic child has trashed it but the older two were supposed to be watching her and the father was present but holed up in his office and appointed the duty to them.
Soooo the garbage bags get removed and the room is straightened. Less toys, less mess and no one dies.
I don't like hearing her cry but it isn't going to do her any good to not learn to keep some order. She is settling now and every now and then there is a residual squawk but the tantrums are less frequent and shorter. This one lasted maybe 7 minutes. Hope my experience is of use. Anyone else want to post how you handle a tantrum? Please share?

[accessorizequeen]

PP, I know you're dreading it getting worse. It may do, but the thing is that you'll get better at dealing with it. You'll find ways of calming her down or pre-empting the tantrums in the first place i.e. give her a snack she likes before you even put her in the buggy might work. I do agree with the poster who said pick your battles (or something like it) - if ds2 doesn't want to wear shoes then he goes outside with his socks on. If it hurts his feet, he'll figure it out and have them on. And with my two, I've found that it goes through cycles so it's not necessarily awful all the time. I hope that's the same for you. She may well improve when she starts to talk too.