OMG please tell me it doesn't get any worse than this...

[PeppermintPatty]

the so called "terribles twos" - can they start at 15 months?

My DD is driving me round the bend ATM. Tantrums.
Hitting / scratching me.
Shouting "NO! NO! NO!" to everything I say.
Screaming.
Extreme fussiness.
Wanting to do things she isn't capable of(ie. climbing a big climbing frame aimed at older children with big drops on either side) and having a big strop when I stop her.
Refusing to go in her buggy.
Refusing to wear shoes - throwing them out the buggy so I nearly lose them.
Refusing to let me change her nappy.

I try distraction / bribery with food / giving her lots of attention. It sometimes works, sometimes not.

It's exhausting.

Sorry I've had a hard day

[Plonker]

Patty - my 14 month is just the same at mo. But so very very cute too

I actually found the hardest phase for both my older girls was around 3 ...go a loooooooong way to go yet

[asdmumandteacher]

Yeah course but put it in context.Of course it can get worse!!! try calming a 16 yo down who is screaming and punching because he/she doesn't understand i mean... This is my first day on here and i can't believe the stuff i am reading.

[Plonker]

I won't pretend to understand what you go through asdmum, of course it must be damned hard work and really hard going. But OP has come on here to have a bit of a moan. She isn't saying that her circumstances are worse than yours, she isn't saying her life is harder, she is just having a moan and wanting a bit of reassurrance and perhaps for other folk to say they understand.

We all have off days and we shouldn't be banned from saying because undoubtedly others have had a harder day.

[wehaveallbeenthere]

Mrs Mattie is right. All children have tantrums (have an autistic one myself) and you should all count your blessings. Just remember that no matter how good or bad today is you will never have to relive it again in this lifetime. Just try to make it the best you can.

[MrsMattie]

Surely someone with a more profoundly disabled child could say the same to you?@asdmumandteacher. How would you respond to that?

Why deliberately provoke an argument on an innocent thread?

[PussinJimmyChoos]

It does get better! I can remember going through hell every time DS needed a nappy change and sometimes sat sobbing on the rug that he would get a sore bum while he raced around poo high and stinky and would just not lie down!

Now he's 2yrs 4mths and can understand more, I try the 1,2,3 method with him - if after the count of three you haven't laid down for mummy, I'm turning Cbeebies off or something - and I was gobsmacked when it worked and it continues to work.

It will get easier when you can reason with them more - I promise!

[asdmumandteacher]

I am not deliberately provoking an argument but it seems to me to be a provocative thread title...I can tell you what is worse than that... and i have

How would you define "more seriously disabled" anyway?

[PeppermintPatty]

Janni - yes, I sometimes turn the radio up to drown out the sound of DDs tantrum

[asdmumandteacher]

By the way my son is not 16 but i know this happens - he is 5 and poo smears daily and eats it but that is not as bad as what other mums have to deal with day to day. He breaks all his brothers toys, smashes our house to pieces and has the mental age of 20 months (and for that I count all my blessings).

[WinkyWinkola]

Sometimes people can't cope with even the simplest of things. I often have days like that and I'm grateful for the opportunity to moan or offload my worries on MN and to friends.

[Lubyloo]

Mrs Mattie - only another eight months for us to get through then

[PussinJimmyChoos]

Its not provocative though - the toddler is 15mths and not yet into the terrible twos and as she is already finding it hard enough, the op was just omg, will it get worse?? That's all there is to it

This is a parenting site after all - there are parents on here that have sadly lost their children and they are not on threads saying well just be grateful you have kids because that is not in the spirit of most of the posts here. I'm profoundly deaf myself, I could go on a whinge fest about night wakings - well, at least you can hear your child call for you, I never will..but I don't!

[wehaveallbeenthere]

asdmumandteacher, I know how you feel, there are days you wonder what the hell you are doing and why has this happened and there just doesn't seem to be any light at the end of this tunnel.
The only advice I can give with a child that is tantruming (because they don't get smaller or less noisy or empathic) is for your own health and protection is to learn some sort of self defense to block punches and kicks.
I've had my fingers cut (child had scissors and I went to grasp them and got snipped) and bruises and probably at least a broken toe.
You can only do what you can do.
This website though is really just for enlightenment and to give hope. There are a lot of disagreements but we are all on the same side. We all want to do the best for our children.
I'm as guilty as anyone in not always phrasing something like I mean...and in that there is always going to be someone offended (the intention usually isn't that but you will encounter some trolls too).
It's a good place to air your experiences and have a good laugh at ourselves though and that is what keeps me coming back.

[Plonker]

asdmum you are being deliberatly arguementative.

OP was not saying her life is harder than anyone elses (there is always someone worse off then ourselves) but that doesn't mean you can't have a moan when your feeling down.

[MrsMattie]

@asdmum

My cousin is partially blind, deaf, severely autistic and in a wheelchair. He is 17 yrs old. For the past 17 yrs my aunty has had to care for him, yet she doesn't deny me my own difficulties or hard times with my developmentally 'normal' 3 yr old. In fact, she is fantastically helpful and supportive.

I really don't think this thread was in any way controversial or inflammatory.

If you can't handle people talking honestly about the stresses and strains of parenthood - whatever their child is like - that's a shame. Otherwise, i think you'll find that you are only able to answer the vast majority of threads in the Parenting or Behaviour/Development forums with the same angry, unhelpful response of 'Well try having an autistic child!'.

[MrsMattie]

And I don't mean to sound harsh. I take my hat off to all parents trying their best everywhere - especially those with children with health or developmental problems, learning diifficulties etc.

[asdmumandteacher]

Well for discussions about children - this evidently isn't the place for me to be on this thread - cos i think you said it all PJC. There are parents on here who have lost children and personally i can't whinge about trivialities knowing there are others on here who have gone through so much...i just opened the thread thinking it may have been to do with a child with developmental delay/problems thinking i may have something in common to find that actually its just general day to day stuff...

[asdmumandteacher]

Mrs Mattie your aunty is an incredible woman.

[mazzystar]

my only advice

1. try not to let it bother you too much.
2. having a small child is a bit like having a sim, you have to keep the food, sleep and comfort levels all on green. then the other frustrations of toddlerdom aren't felt as keenly.
3. pick your battles [ie ditch the shoes]

it will be fine

and everyone understands

and if they don't - ** 'em

[asdmumandteacher]

the thread being called "OMG please tell me it doesn't get any worse than this" i feel is insensitive personally..but hey..its only words

thank you wehaveallbeenthroughit (cant remember if thats right)- thank you for your words

[Janni]

asdmum - as it's your first day on the boards, please be aware that there is a Special Needs section where you will meet parents who understand only too well the daily challenges you face.

Peppermintpatty is also finding life challenging and it is not a competition about who has the roughest deal.

[snowleopard]

Also adsmum, there are disabled children who are less hard work than some NT / non-disabled 15-month-olds. It isn't always necessarily true to say "disabled" = "harder work and gives you more right to moan". If you're going to start saying who is entitled to moan on account of how hard their life is, you'd have to go and inspect the daily lives of all children and their parents. And if no one can ever moan just because someone else is having a harder time, then none of us could moan at all because we're not living on 2p a day in a third-world slum with 15 kids and a violent husband etc etc etc.

Patty, one possible bright side - my DS has been like this too but usually for short bursts, and over time I've noticed it seems to coincide with growth spurts and spurts in learning (eg his language will get better quickly over the same period). It is often just a week or two and now I find it easier knowing he will improve, and reminding myself it's probably because he feels uncomfortable, has growing pains or just fees overwhelmed. Hope it's something similar!

[WinkyWinkola]

Insensitive thread title? Sorry but you're wrong, asdmumandteacher.

What should she have put? "I'm having a bad time but don't worry too much or offer help because I know there are other people out there having a worse time than me?"

Don't be so daft.

[PussinJimmyChoos]

I can understand why you feel a bit as, to parents who have children with special needs, toddler tantrums would probably seem like a walk in the park. No-one is taking that away from you or undermining how hard things must be for you.

However, mumsnet incorporates all types of threads and it isn't going to please every one! I myself was at a omg I've got a bfp thread the other day as I'm ttc no 2 but I didn't say so on the thread because I know mnet is for all sides of the coin - not just mine

[asdmumandteacher]

something like "Having a difficult time with tantrums with my 17mo" or whatever not "OMG please tell me it doesn't get worse than this" - that sounds horrendous what she is going through

I have a normal son and an autistic one and there is no comparison - none whatsoever in the change to your life