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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

My 3 year old still isn't toilet trained

70 replies

Allie · 25/03/2001 10:09

Sam has been out of nappies for 3 months but has never asked to go to the toilet by himself. He is fed up with being prompted and refuses (vigourously!) to let us take him to the toilet. So he wees and poos his pants 4 or 5 times a day. He genuinely doesn't seem to know when it's imminent. Anyone else got this? His brother learned in the usual haphazard way about 2 and three quarters.

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Hilary · 09/01/2002 16:24

Things have got worse as far as my eldest son (3 yrs 1 m) is concerned. Started training at 2 yrs 10 m) and got wees sorted out pretty quickly. He occasionally got a bit wet before he got on the potty but usually was fine. Has done a poo in the potty about twice in the 3 months since. He never tells me and denies all knowledge etc etc. I have ploughed on with explaining that next time he could do it in his potty and get a reward/star on his chart/whatever but to no avail. Now, not only does he just poo in his pants (or wait for his night time nappy) but every single time he needs a wee, he does a significant amount of it in his pants before he mentions it. So even though he gets the last half in his potty, I have to change his clothes EVERY TIME! The only time he doesn't do this is when he is at playgroup. He has never wet himself, nor has he ever gone to the potty with one of the ladies. I take him before he goes in and then as soon as I collect him again and he is dry. Even on the odd occasion he hasn't been since about 6:30am and makes it until the end of playgroup at 11:30am bone dry. What am I doing wrong, why can he do it when he chooses but not when he is at home with me? I have tried anything I can think of and am finding it stressful. What should I do?

Peony · 09/01/2002 18:32

This thread rings a bell! Just to give my experience and some encouragement really.My son was 3 years six months when he finally got the hang of poos in the toilet.We tried everything to encourage him to the point where I thought it was just having the reverse effect the changing clothes thing would drive me nuts and he would say he understood etc then literally out of the blue he came downstairs and said he had pooed in the toilet-we all looked and there it was!!He never looked back! I used to 'poo poo'(pardon the pun!)people saying 'he'll do it when he's ready'but this was a classic case of just that!

jasper · 09/01/2002 23:55

Hilary, do you think this could all be part of the same attention seeking thing that is making him knock lumps out his little ebrother, but behave like an angel elsewhere? I know this offers no practicla help but it does sound as if he is really jealous of your one year old and is acting up at home to get attention.
I don't have any ideas what to do about it, I'm afraid. Give him more attention? I realise this is rarely practical. You have my sympathies for the rough time you must be going through

Hilary · 10/01/2002 09:25

Yes, I have a feeling that you are right, he does sometimes 'talk' like his little brother and copy him in other ways too. He does have quite a lot of attention but he has always seemed jealous of his brother. What next, though?!
The rivalry thing is improving slowly so perhaps this potty thing will gradually sort itself out too. Hopefully...

nickiw · 10/01/2002 09:41

No worms, but we did have a success out of the blue gesterday lunchtime. I know this sounds gross but the firmer the stools are the more knowledge of them he seems to have. Robert also has a one year old brother and I did wonder if it was an attention seeking problem. He also started playgroup yesterday, so I am hoping peer pressure may help. I know it's a cliche but it is nice to know I am not alone in the great poo problem.

beebs · 14/01/2002 22:58

hILARY

I don't know what you should do - I only wish I did. My daughter of two years ten months (otherwise bright, talkative etc, though stroppy) does not seem to want to crack the potty training, rather than be incapable. she too can hold her wees for hours, depending on her inclination. However, she is quite often very reluctant to get on the potty and even seems scared of "letting go". This is more pronounced in strange places - she does seem to be embarrassed in front of others. I'm pretty convinced she could do it if she wanted to, but I don't know what the right inducement might be.

One pointer - I'm a childminder and some of my charges are younger - I wonder if she just wants to stay a baby even though she's just started playgroup (where they are very tolerant, luckily) and appears to love it.

Any answers, anyone?

mollipops · 31/01/2002 08:06

Does anyone have any ideas or suggestions about my ds who is also 2 and 10 months, who will happily race off to the potty to wee if we let him go naked, but as soon as we put a nappy or undies on him he will wee in them rather than even try to get to the potty, or even let us know! (Poo is another matter entirely - we have the stealth poos and the denial...you can smell his vapour trail from 10 feet away but he will still swear he hasn't done a poo!!!)

It makes me crazy! It is summer here so he can run around naked without getting cold, but it's not like I can just stay home every day all day, or take him out like that! And I'm always concerned he will go off and poo on the sofa or wee in my bed or something! School starts here next week (I was hoping to get him "trained" over the Xmas break!) and then it will be back to the usual morning routines getting dd to school etc.

Has anyone else had this experience? Is he just not ready? Do I keep him in nappies until he's letting me know before he goes? I know we pushed too hard and too early with dd and I'm determined not to do it again, only I'm sure he does know when he needs to go, he just thinks it's a big game! HELP!

mollipops · 31/01/2002 08:12

Forgot to add - Beebs, my dd was the same, had extraordinary bladder capacity!!! It's not good for them to hang on though...is she scared of falling in or off, or has she recently done so? Some kids find it hard to relax, or like privacy (Hey so do we mums but that's hard to come by especially on the loo!)

As you can see below, I'm having problems with my ds so I guess I'm the wrong one to give advice anyway! Dd was very stubborn and strong willed (still is and now she's 5!), maybe it's a girl thing...or a mother-daughter power struggle!!!

Sigh...

Boopsie · 31/01/2002 10:06

My son is just over 3 years old and has been bladder trained for about 7 months but still refuses to do a poo in the toilet or potty and hangs on until nightime when he goes in either his nappy or his pyjamas (I've started takin g his nappy off to see if it makes any difference).

I have tried:

star charts,
nappy on top of the potty,
leaving off his nappy at night,
bringing his tea time forward a bit so he may need to go earlier on,
a warm juice drink in the mornings to get his bowels working a bit earlier

nothing has persuaded him. Was wondering if anyone has any advice 'cos I m worried that he could carry on like this til he's 5 or 6 as it doesn't really cause him any problem. What do you suggest?? Thanks!

alex2 · 31/01/2002 11:13

Hi Boopsie,
I could've written your message about 3 months ago - my daughter then 3 and a quarter was exactly the same. Like you I'd tried everything (plus chocolate treats) and was running out of ideas.
In the last few months though, hurrah, she's begun to do most of her poos in the potty - still a few accidents. What changed was our attitude. We decided to try nothing for a while. In retrospect I think we'd gone on about it a bit too much - we never got cross but kept saying things like it would be really great if you could do your poo in the potty - mummy and daddy would be really proud etc. When she did do one in the potty (on the odd occasion in those days) we made a huge song and dance about it - phoned grandma etc. In our efforts to do the positive parenting thing I think we'd made it into too much of a big deal. We decided the best thing to do was to make less of a fuss about it and it worked. Gradually she started doing them more and more in the potty - of course we congratulated her but we didn't throw a party! Maybe if you take the onus of a bit, he'll surprise you.

Shaz30 · 01/02/2002 16:09

perhaps it might be an idea to put her back in nappies for a while and see how it goes. My four year old son is only just getting the hang of potty training now, he stores his wees up until he's in pants for bed. He does occasionaly do it but it is a bit hit and miss. I think she may not be quite ready, there seems to be a lot of pressure to potty train before a certain age, you can't force children if they're not ready. My advise is to perhaps wait a couple of months and then try again .

emags · 10/02/2002 00:43

A friend gave me a tip that worked for her for getting her little boy to use a potty to do his poos.....she put the nappy into the potty at first and he would do his poos in (it in the nappy/potty) and then gradually she was able to change the nappy for a tissue and then use nothing until he went in the potty by himself.

jenny2998 · 10/02/2002 14:13

My son was just the same but having been so late at training, suddenly everything came at once for us. He was dry during the day and then within a few days he was dry at night. Hard as it is (and there is lots of 'peer pressure' he'll come to it in his own time. Keep encouraging and ignore the 'accidents'.

Hilary · 17/02/2002 22:57

After 5 months of being trained in terms of wees, we have finally had a run of successes with poos too! Hurray! I don't want to speak too soon, but I think he may finally be getting the idea. He is 3 1/4.

oldpinot · 18/02/2002 12:35

HELP
My dd is 2 yrs and 8 months . She refuses to go to the loo/potty and got so stressed about it i put her back in nappies a month ago. Now even when she wears a nappy she dances around if she wants a wee and if you ask her does she need to do wees/poos she says NO. Am I doing the right thing by leaving her in nappies and hoping that one day she wont want to wear them or should i try her in knickers again. The last time she was in knickers she went 14 hours without a wee and was bursting to go but refused until she was in the bath and then relaxed...I am very confused and i know she is..her sister was easy by comparison so i am at a loss....any suggestions.advice welcome

Batters · 18/02/2002 12:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sylvev · 18/02/2002 21:03

I have started today with my 3 year old dd. We have devised a star chart and she seems rather taken with the idea. We had 3 wet changes of clothes plus 7 successful missions to the toilet. I intend to send the star chart with her to nursery when she goes on Wed. and I hope this will work. This is harder work than with my son, who, once he was able to use the loo, did. my dd can use loo but sometimes "likes" to use her nappy! We are using pants in the house and nappy pants whilst out and about. I alos and keen for this not to become a battleground, but will be very happy if this works! Good luck.

sylvev · 18/02/2002 21:05

Apols. for the spelling mistakes, in a rush to watch part 2 of thriller on BBC1. Sorry.

oldpinot · 19/02/2002 00:00

Thanks Batters, much appreciated. No she is not in nursery yet, the school year starts february over here in the year she turns 4 so luckily we have a bit of time. I did forget to mention that she is always in denial if you ask her if she needs her nappy changing (especially when it does) and she tells you not to look at her if shes busy if you know what I mean!!! hse also says its Yucky no matter how much I play it down.....uummm This morning after I took her nighttime nappy off she was happy to be bare and even grabbed her potty to say it was coming out of her bottom.........but false alarm ......still it gives one hope doesnt it..lol

Boltonangel · 25/06/2007 01:09

hi i have a 2 1/2 daughter and she just isnt intrested in toilets or potty she starts nursury in september and i am worried ive tried everything and she still isnt interested has any1 gt any advice???

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