am absolutley fuming.....but think i may have ott with punishment?

[micci25]

dd1 4 has always been the apple of every ones eye, or the golden child, of my family and is therefore v spoilt, but lately her behavior has been getting worse and worse.

today we were walking to her nan's where she has her sunday lunch and she was pushing her wooden dog toy along when all of a sudden she screamed and started smashing the toy up on the side of the road!

i asked why why she told me she hated the toy it was stupid and she is glad that she broke it!

as her punishment i told her we were going home she wouldnt be going to her nan's that day but that just seemed to make things worse!

she is not sorry at all for what she did to the toy or telling me she hated me, or slamming all the doors on her way back in the house

her punishment i have decided is that she has lost all priveledges, her tv, dvd, cd player have been taken out of bedroom and there is tv or access to laptop, ds and wii untill i believe she is suitably sorry!

when i went to check on her and see what she wanted for lunch she told me she smashed up her toy because she angry with it and she also angry with me!!!!

i know that this punishment sounds extreme but i have had it up to here with her behavior, she is constantly answering back and just blatently ignoring me, telling me she never gets anything and her cousin has loads of good toys and she gets nothing, she is prone to violence towards me, is constantly in a temper at something .... the list could go on..she is just generally ferral!!!!

i know my punishment seems a bit ott but really dont know what else to do her behavior needs to calm down before she hurts herself or some one else!

does any one have any suggestions or has had similar experiences with wild uncontrolable children?

PS As behaviour is learnt in most instances you would think bad ones would not be introduced and it is not the same as personality.

ooh snap Posie [needy and approbatory emoticon]

Smutney must be a name change Kew, is it you really just having a laugh ??

Is approbatory a word? I think I might have made that up. Too busy disseminating my half-baked theories (we used to call it an opinion in my youth)

Just off to get new passports for China over the summer, now there's a race where nurture has great impact on culture....No TVs in bedrooms over there!!

if only I could name change so quickly posie - I'd be running the bloody country!

Ooh that sounds fun - my DS is from Kazakhstan but closer to Russia than China.

Amazingly the Chinese are just like us. In the big cities the kids are incredibly westernised- TVs in rooms, obese etc. It has taken about 10 years for that generation to become just like us. The noticeable difference is an incredibly strong work ethic and respect for education I don't thnk we ever had in the UK.

No incredibly strong work ethic in my experience just take a whole lot longer to do the same job. The cultural differences are vast though and so trying to get anything done is very very hard over there, the Chinese don;t like to lose face and so they would rather say they understand and have done something that admit they haven't. Lambeth, they are really not like us. For a start many still live in incredible poverty and their education is extrordinarily narrow, they spend hours in school (7.30-5/6) learning mainly Chinese characters. A Chinese english degree can be acheived without EVER speaking english!!

That said they are very cute and innocent.

There's so much labour available - ie there are so many people for any job that anyone who has one will put in the over the hours- you're right that's not the same as strong work ethic. The face losing aspect is certainly true. But I still think they're just like us in terms of wanting to make their children happy and if that means giving them TV in rooms and too much food they'll do it.

Blimey, I won't even let DS1 (14) give DS's 2 and 3 (5 and 3) his old games console to play with as I think they are far too young atm. I want them to play, not sit in front of a screen all day! FWIW DS1 didn't have a games console until he was 8 (and then only in the lounge) and finally had a TV in his room at 10 to play his games wotsit as DS2 was on the move by then and interfered too much. And still we limit the usage of it at 14!

Why does she have all this stuff? DS1 was a fast learner and pretty grown up for his age at 4/5 (only child/grandchild etc) but we still didn't allow him to have these things! what is she getting for Christmas this year? A mobile phone?

Posieparker
if your child has a disorder of the mind I would certainly send you hotfoot to Raj for some cogibt.But I hope we are not talking about mental health problems so far as micciandthebrat are concerned.I do remember a theory that schizophrenia was caused by the family-- that one turned to dust along with its author (RIP R D Laing).cbt may, in part,in time, go the same way .
In the interim its simply about 'bad behaviour'can it be regulated successfully? Perhaps we should turn to old Josef he seemed to be nearing home on the right behavioural track.Total control for homeostasis.And what's more he played a mean game of 'Dungeons and Dragons'

ROFL

This thread reminds me of when I had a (very short...) letter published in the Times ( in the days when it used to be a quality newspaper ) and -because they print your address under the letter- was suddenly inundated with letters from people I'd never heard of, all on a rant about something, all entirely unrelated to my letter. Smutney did you send me a letter, too, back then...?

janehh
I thought this was a thread about behaviour/development(?)

Yes but it seems to keep going slightly off-topic with unconnected / unexplained ranty bits!

Me too, Jane, also the Times- I got three letters from irate farmers! All I was saying is that we shouldn't really be feeding ground-up cows to cows. Didn't think it was all that controversial.

LOL Duchesse, so I'm not alone in that... there must be whole cottage industries of people firing off letters to Times Letter Writers every day in the hope of changing the world. Well, at least your letters were vaguely related to your (very valid btw!) point... I'd written something vaguely feminist and got letters about everything except feminism. All in the slightly mad, gushing, not-very-well-explained-but-obviously-makes-sense-in-the-writer's-own-little-universe tone which is what I recognised and reacted to in Smutney's posts. (Sorry, Smutney). One of them, I remember, had been (very badly) typed out and then put through one of those purple-ink copying machines (don't ask me what they're called). Obviously the cottage industry at work!

Anyway. Where were we? Micci, how are you doing now? Can I just add my 2p's worth? In your original post (besides all the stuff about gadgets) I was surprised to read that you ask your 4-year-old what she wants for lunch. I don't remember being consulted about menu's at home, er, actually EVER! Or is that just our family? Surely she should be following what you decide...

ahem menus, darn Dutch influence

Smutney, you're like my Grannie when she was intoxicated with morphine not long before she passed!! You make no sense and seem to pull arguments out of thin air, have you googled someone elses words and tried to crowbar them in here???
I'll try....
Mix eggs and sugar, then add a little syrup to control your children!!!

smutney - about 50% of the threads are about child behaviour and development but we don;t all cut and paste random theories of nature vs nuture on them.

Anyway - I rather like the randomness of some of the comments - it makes me laugh and I haven't had much to laugh at this week.

smutney - keep going, I'm always one for a freebie and I'm having a great laugh at your expense, as I'm sure others are You're using the demise of one (arguably crackpot) psychiatrist and one of his theories to suppose that a whole branch of psychotherapy that has been around in its current form (never mind its historical background) for almost 50 years and helps thousands of people will suddenly be proven to be wrong?

Smutney, why do you say my sister's methods may be considered eccentric? She followed the suggestions of Wolfgang Gerhard-Feinline - and you could hardly call him eccentric.

posiep Kewk
I cut and paste nothing random out of thin air.All rants emanate from my own universe.Its difficult to gauge whether or not different thoughts on the tedious subject of little Polly's behavioural problems ever strike a chord of self analysis in the poster.I do sometimes detect a world weary resignation where experience seems to trounce hope but regrettably hope bubbles up again and off we go once more hand in hand with well-meaning advice and anecdote.This leads to the question; are these postings merely designed to elicit support and virtual camaraderie or do they lead to the discovery of something more worthwhile and interesting? If you think I can't tell you anything new then perhaps you can tell me something to make me think again .I am always prepared to change my mind , after all there is nothing wrong in hypocrisy if it helps you see the other person's point of view.

hullygully
'eccentric'? I can't really think of a better word .Not normal is what I mean.My children and your children go to school and observe some rules (at the very least) which ensure parental sanity thats normal what you described is not normal.Mealy-mouthed?-do you think I mean 'mad'? Perhaps -you tell me she is your sister.