Should a perfectly normal 4.5 year old manage to sit at the table for maybe 45 mins or an hour for a meal?

[MNersanonymous]

Had lunch yesterday with a dear friend and her ds who is 4.5.

Between courses he'd get down from the table at the (thankfully child friendly) restaurant and go off e.g. for a walk with his dad. Ds (2.10) meanwhile has been happily sitting in restaurants since he was well under 2 because we have taught him getting down is not acceptable - and he does still get toys or crayons whilst we wait for the first course.

DF is entitled to have different rules but this time my ds started asking if he could go off for a walk too.

Now I know all kids are different but isn't it fair to think that by 4.5 a child should manage a short meal in a restaurant WITH toys and crayons might I add without getting down? And by short meal I mean maybe 45 mins or an hour?

Am I being unreasonable in my expectations and also what should i say to ds now he has started wanting to copy the other little boy?
I managed a 'in our family we stay at the table' but that was only ok as my friend wasn'tthere by then - if she had been it would have sounded really rude.

How can I get ds to stick with our rules without it looking like I'm slagging off theirs?

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How often to you eat out with this other family? Does it really matter if your child wanders about a bit when they are all together?

They should be able to sit for that amount of time. If they are not used to it, however, then it will be a shock to their system.

They have to be included in the conversation, and that might include playing games with them (eg the dreaded 'I spy'). It's not reasonable to expect them to be seen and not heard.

dd1 can, dd2 can't

my nephew who is nearly 6 completely incapable

no two children are the same and get used to what they are shown/taught from early age

dd1 used to going everywhere with us, we didn't do it as much with dd2 so she's not inclined to sit for as long

depends on what he's used to

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And your son is obviously more intelligent than hers.

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Back in the knife drawer Miss Sharp!

And turns his nose up at chocolate... never seen a burger & positively hurls at the sight of a fruit shoot...

play nice now!

Only if trained to do so

IMO you have not taught him getting down is unacceptable - he's just not a very busy boy so is quite happy to sit down. He prob didn't know there was a different option. Now he does...

I have one who always would sit still and one who never did - both exposed to the same expectations from us and the same sort of experiences.

It sounds as though the meal was pleasant enough but if you can't cope with wandering children then make different arrangements for when you meet next time.

To expect them to sit while waiting is not reasonable but while food is for the eating there is. Ours will sit through a meal or at least a course at a time and always have but so many won't even while eating. Surely it is better to have someone take them off so you can chat than to have the distraction of fidgetty whiny kids. What you do at home is your own affair and you can set your own standards but I doubt meals normally go on that long. If your ds wanted to do that as a one off I don't really see it creating a problem.

my 4.5 year old finds it very difficult to sit still in restaurants.
She has always been the same and I have always ben strict and shouted at her etc but it doesnt work.
I guess all chilren are different as others have said. We do try and take her top places but we go specifically where children really are welcome or where there are likely other young children so they can play together. If you have a 2 year old that will sit at a table for an hour quietly then i think you are quite lucky

oh lol

ds sat and coloured in restaurats at 2

At about 3 he realised that there were much better options than sitting about and he was off.

restaurants + kids = unecessary hell imo.

Cod and Wall stop being bitchy my dears. It is a genuine question not a 'oh aren't I bloody wonderful because my son sits still and hers does not'. My ds might or might not be wonderful compared to hers, I don't care. I'm learning with all this parenting lark like all (or most) of us and really just want to know how to deal with ds asking to get down too without sounding harsh about df's ds.

I don't give a monkey's what he does until it starts my ds saying he should be able to get down from the table and run around too which is now happening.

Yes I know it's not the world's biggest issue.

Doodle _ good answer to pre-empt it and discuss it before.

And in answer to how often etc. we are probably going on holiday with them soonish so it could easily become a habit my ds gets into if he is with the other (might I say lovely) little boy.

although realy you should try yo sushi

its a bit poncey but they have a conveyer belt thing and water out of taps on the table and its fabulous for kids, apart from the food.

No.

YABU

My ds1 couldn't sit down for 45 minutes, they don't even expect that from them at school.

Your child is a different child.

oh I don't think you can do much here

I can discuss stuff witj my kids in advance and they nod sagely

and when they are with their friends they are off.

I'd roll with it, either that or talk to your friend about it.

The child has to feel welcome and included at the table. If they are excluded, then of course they are going to want to wander.

We have found that our children have loved when the waiters have fussed over them (eg speaking to them personally, making jokes, etc). They also need to be included in adult conversation.

If you went to a restaurant, and everyone at the table was talking amongst themselves, then of course you would want to be somewhere else. If you are having a large adults-only dinner, you make an effort to ensure than no one is excluded. It's exactly the same for a child.

If you don't want to include the child in conversation, then it is not appropriate to have them there.

Even if they have a colouring book, you can spend a few minutes talking about their book, and then leave them to get on with it - returning periodically to make encouraging comments.

It's not rocket science.

I'll bet the farm her child/ren do something immaculately that yours don't.

A constant process of Public Shame, parenting.