Should a perfectly normal 4.5 year old manage to sit at the table for maybe 45 mins or an hour for a meal?

[MNersanonymous]

Had lunch yesterday with a dear friend and her ds who is 4.5.

Between courses he'd get down from the table at the (thankfully child friendly) restaurant and go off e.g. for a walk with his dad. Ds (2.10) meanwhile has been happily sitting in restaurants since he was well under 2 because we have taught him getting down is not acceptable - and he does still get toys or crayons whilst we wait for the first course.

DF is entitled to have different rules but this time my ds started asking if he could go off for a walk too.

Now I know all kids are different but isn't it fair to think that by 4.5 a child should manage a short meal in a restaurant WITH toys and crayons might I add without getting down? And by short meal I mean maybe 45 mins or an hour?

Am I being unreasonable in my expectations and also what should i say to ds now he has started wanting to copy the other little boy?
I managed a 'in our family we stay at the table' but that was only ok as my friend wasn'tthere by then - if she had been it would have sounded really rude.

How can I get ds to stick with our rules without it looking like I'm slagging off theirs?

I might well have that to look forward to in about a year Corn but the little chap concerned has always been like this so that's not an explanation I buy. I think it was probably because he wasn't a good eater (not the parents' fault) and so they did whatever they could to just make mealtimes easier.

IMHO I would have started tackling it by now - he also regularly gets down from the table when eating at our house half way through the meal to go and play with toys and his mum takes his plate of food down to him so he can eat the sandwich or whatever by the toys. Now I am being a little judgmental aren't I!!?

At 2, ds1 would happily sit for this long - colourings, sticking, etc.

He is 5 and a half now. No way.
DS2 is 3 - no way he could sit that long.

I don't expect them to tbh.

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Some kids enjoy food more than others.

DS never prioritises food over anything else - even choc etc. I remember sitting on the edge of our sandpit at the local park when he was about 3, eating a Flake, and another Mum said she was amazed I could do that without being badgered for some. He would NEVER sit still for the reward of 'pudding', and loses interest in food as soon as he is a little bit full.

Maybe it is not important to her that he sits while she is sitting? If this is the case, you cannot make her have the same priorities as you.

One of my friends is always appalled I don't make ds's finish their food. I'm appalled she clears up everything after hers - food is her priority, not being treated like a slave is mine!

As a 2 year old ds1 (severe ASD) used to sit for hours. I don't think it occurred to him he could move (and he used to be quite absorbed with eating at that age). Now aged 9 he won't sit for a minute.

ds2 (6) better at sitting than ds3 (3), but they have very different personalities.

Couldn't give a monkey's chuff what other children do.

My 5 yr old would really struggle to do that, unless the whole hour was taken up with him eating.

Slng - exactly the same experience as you. Things change OP. 4.5 is light years away from 2.10 in child development.

gosh makes me feel better about ds and dd!

let me tell you taking them out to restaurants from an early age doesn't "train" them. if only!

mine are not allowed to get down unless it is a very long meal with a large group - unusual for us. we bring plenty of distractions with us. they certainly couldn't sit at the table without becoming nuisances without the benefit of colouring, the beano or occasionally the dslite.

i do find having family meals with another family can sometimes be a total trial though. it's not just about different expectations or parenting styles, ime, it's that the children seem to undergo a strange metamorphosis and become totally difficult and worse behaved than usual - even if normally they are perfectly fine.

when we do come across a different "rule" from our own, i usually say that so and so's mummy decides what s/he is/isn't allowed to do and i will decide what ds/dd are allowed to do. that has worked so far but i suspect has a limited shelf life!

i think you might be rather ill advised going on holiday with this family, tbh. i am a veteran of a number group family holidays and have never gone with another family when there was a clash (even a small one) observed beforehand

yurt1, i can't believe your ds1 is already 9 and your ds3 is already 3!

some days my DTDs, 4.4, can, other days they can't - usually they 'need a wee' every 5 mins as a ploy to not sit still, I always take something to occupy them and regret it if I don't (paper/crayons/book) but they do tend to be better with jsut DH and I than when others are with us and they are far more fidgety now than they were at 2

I can't believe it either BK. DS1 is actually 9 in a couple of weeks so I was jumping a bit. He is sooooo big & grown up now, so tall.

oh mine are allowed to get down to go the loo! i meant they aren't allowed down to wander.

although, i am about to start insisting that ds goes to the loo before meals as at 6y 8m i think he should be able to sit through meals at home without needing to get up to wee.

is he still as handsome?

He is! But I suspect in a few years he'll be all spots and whispy adolescent moustache so I am enjoying it!

ha! yes not to mention stinky i have an adolescent boy to "look forward to".

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ewwww. Smelly- you're right.

scroll down to walking and hiking The bottom pics (the ones without the bowl haircut) are fairly recent.

I need that monster book. Have been like that since ds3 came along

DD (4.1) sat with four adults and a baby at a restaurant table for over two hours yesterday, with only one trip to the loo and a bit of virtual colouring on her Leapster. [smug] Will she sit still for the duration of a simple one course family meal at home? Will she, f... I think she's a people watcher, like me, sitting at the dining table at home is too dull and needs to be spiced up with 63 trips to the loo and the introduction of a small menagerie of cuddly toys.

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I'm very strict too, and I don't take shit either. Unfortunatly ds1 keeps doling it out.

HOW do you enforce the table manners? HOW do you make them sit still? HOW do you make this work? These are genuine questions that I really want the answer to!