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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

CONTROLLED CRYING - comments and views needed.

97 replies

Lulabellx1 · 19/12/2007 14:05

Hi guys

Im thinking of starting my little one off on a controlled crying bedtime routine. He's 11 weeks now and needs to learn to go to sleep by himself as i have been feeding him to sleep previously, but this isn't working anymore and he has been up till midnight these past few nights.

Would like some opinions from those who have given it a go

Lu xx

OP posts:

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RubySlippedonastraymincepie · 19/12/2007 14:09

nooo - not on an 11 week old under any circumstances

Get hold of a book called The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley

JolieGirl · 19/12/2007 14:09

It is not recommenended to use CC before 6 months. Please don't.

MerryPIFFLEmas · 19/12/2007 14:21

too young far too young IMO

glamourbadger · 19/12/2007 14:23

11 weeks might be a bit early. I let mine "cry down" from around 6 months. It worked a treat - they quickly learned to settle themselves and from that point forward have been excellent sleepers.

It's worth reading a variety of books on how babies sleep. I read The No Cry Sleep Solution but didn't get on with it. The author's viewpoint seemed so flaky and the premise was if you let your child cry you were traumatising them for life!

Good luck with it. Feeding to sleep is a difficult habit to break - my resolve used to go out the window around 4am...

deenymcqueenygoreandguts · 19/12/2007 14:25

yes, too young.
do you think there is a reason for not settling in the evening? Growth spurt,for example?

MegBusset · 19/12/2007 14:33

Noooo... Please, please do not use CC on 11-week-old -- he is just teeny tiny. Would second the NCSS book for much gentler ideas.

Love2dance · 19/12/2007 14:43

Hi Lula,

If you decide it is a bit soon what about a staged approach? I left it until after about 4 m becasue we had wind/colic problems that interfered with settling, but after that, after winding I tried putting ds down in cot but maintaining physical contact (eg stroking hand on chest), soothing voice, staying in his (limted) sight and sitting next to cot until he fell asleep. After a few nights of that I progressed to no voice, then no contact (just sitting there), then moving chair further from cot until in the end I would put him down, say goodnight, then leave the room. Of course it didn't go as smoothly as that. We had ups and downs. In order for him to get used to it at some point I realised that he was going to cry. He did, but I didn't leave him for longer than 12 minutes. I'm not a proponent of controlled crying but we started with our method before 6 months. By 51/2 months or so DS would go to sleep by himself quite happliy and in fact now when he's really tired the presence of dh or me in his room at bedtime agitates him more and he settles more quickly once we've turned out the light and closed the door.
Best of luck.

JodieG1 · 19/12/2007 14:46

Far too young. I wouldn't use it on my 11 month old never mind 11 weeks!

BlueberryPancake · 19/12/2007 16:44

First, you have to look at yourself, what you do or don't do. Leaving an 11 week old to cry himself to sleep is just not right, it's way too young. What are YOUR expectations of motherhood? What do you expect from an 11 week old? Maybe your expectations are just not right. You are either misinformed, or your expectations are not right but please don't make your baby pay for it.

We have all had bad evenings, bad nights, and have all been sleep deprived at some point. My 8 month old was sleeping really well but he just had a very bad cold and spent most nights awake, crying. We've just had to cope with it, and put him in our bed, keep him in our arms, etc.

There is no 'right' way, but leaving an 11 week old to cry is definetly a 'wrong' way.

OonaghBhuna · 19/12/2007 17:37

I recommend the baby whispererer book byTracey Hogg. She will also give you very valid reasons as to why a parent should never do cc with a baby. Please do not do this especially with such a young baby. Babies usually dont form routines until 4-6 months and sometimes it can take longer.Babies need cuddles and more cuddles whats so wrong with that.There are other humane ways to get your baby to sleep.

takefu · 19/12/2007 19:04

The No Cry Sleep Solution is great if you can't bear crying at all; The Baby Whisperer is a good book if you want to start getting some routines in place. Controlled crying is definitely not reccommended for babies under 6 mos.- please, please, don't do it!!! There are better ways. The NCSS gives very gentle ways of moving baby from falling asleep at breast/bottle... and BW also has good tecnhiques that are more structured but still gentle. Good luck, I know it's hard- just remember they're only babies for a short time.

takefu · 19/12/2007 19:07

PS- we tried CC a few times, at different ages. Even at 9 mos I find it is too harsh for our DD. It gets her very, very stressed out and after several days it still didn't work. If you want to give it a go, I would say wait until 6 months.

WowOoo · 19/12/2007 19:08

Hello. Ooh, such a little thing. Would not have been able to ignore my LO's crying. We've never had to as he has settled himself into a 'Routine' of sorts!!
Good luck.

camillathechicken · 19/12/2007 19:08

problem with bedtime routines before about 6 months or so, is that babies have frequent growth spurts, and if being breastfed , need to go to the breast more to ensure demand and supply are matched.

also you can get a routine that works for a few days then something might happen that disrupts it, and you feel negative about the whole thing

a growth spurt, a cold, teething , some other illness etc can all disrupt a settled baby ,do let baby lead you

no harm having last feed/s and bath at similar times, but don;t expect too much in terms of set in stone routine at such a young age.

controlled crying definitely not for such young babies

seeker · 19/12/2007 19:14

Absolutely not. He is a baby. He does not need to learn to go to sleep by himself - he needs to know that he is loved and looked after and safe, and if her cries someone comes. He is not old enough to understand that if he cries and no one comes, it is 'for his own good". All he will know is that he called out and no one came.

karen999 · 19/12/2007 19:15

Ok (am being brave)...did CC at 12 weeks. I only did this after two weeks of getting her into a good daytime routine. Once she was feeding well and sleeping well during the day did I try this. It took three nights. First night cried for 20 minutes (going in every 2 mins to check and soothe) After 20 mins she fell asleep. She was awake and gurgling when she did this. Second night was 10 mins and third night was 5mins. After that she has gone down without a peep. Sleeps 12 hours and is fresh as a button the next day. She is now 10 months. I did this because dd1 (now 8) was and still is a poor sleeper and I wanted to try a different method this time. It was my sister who told me about CC (she did this with her son) and she also has a ds who goes down 7-7. Some don't like it, some think it is cruel but my belief is that all children (no matter what the age) need a really good nights sleep. I have found that as a result of a good nights sleep she has been a great eater (BLW) and is full of fun.

Do what you are comfortable with. CC is controversial at the best of times but for me it has been a life saver. Especially when you have other dc's. It now means that I can spend time with dd1 and dp in the evenings and give them quality time also.

fairylights · 19/12/2007 19:16

i have done CC with my ds after he was one which was great but i really think at 11 weeks your LO has no other way to communicate with you - what camilla has said is v right. Most "experts" including the guy who is famous for promoting CC (Richard Ferber) say its not good to do before 12 months - he used to say 6 mo but changed his mind. HTH

evelina · 19/12/2007 20:47

I think cc just makes babies feel abandoned and afraid.

karen999 · 19/12/2007 21:00

They will only feel abandoned and afraid if you are leaving them for long periods of time to cry. This is not what I did. I went in every couple of mins to check, reassure etc. As soon as I went in she would stop crying and would settle. In my opinion this is far better than hearing a baby who is so over-tired bawl for ages. This is what happened to dd1 and I really did not want this to happen again.

seeker · 19/12/2007 21:09

The problem is - and this is just my opinion, of course - that when you are 11 weeks old, you have absolutely no idea of time. We can't possibly know how long 2 minutes feels to a tiny baby. And they have no way of knowing that we will come back - so they COULD be having 2 minutes of complete terror until we come back - repeated until they fall asleep. Still - horses for courses, I suppose. It's not for me, though.

karen999 · 19/12/2007 21:18

Seeker - I appreciate what you say however for me it is a method that works. My dd1 was and still is a poor sleeper and she is 8! I did not want to go through this again. Dd1 has always suffered from being a poor sleeper - she is tired the next day, she is not a great eater etc. I can only talk from my experience and that is that CC has worked for us. It also means that I have time for my other dd and my dp. This is valuable time for us all. And as I said before it only took three nights of CC before dd2 could go down on her own. I don't think that any baby who gets 12 hours sleep a night can be a bad thing.

HowTheGibbonStoleChristmas · 19/12/2007 21:22

and very that anyine could use CC on a baby just weeks old (or any child for that matter)

please have a re think lulabell - your baby will not understand why mummy isn't coming when she needs her.

morningpaper · 19/12/2007 21:23

You will not find any 'experts' who recommend controlled crying in a child under 1.

Don't experiment with your baby. He is very, very young and his brain is developing.

piximon · 19/12/2007 21:31

11wks too early in my opinion. We tried cc with DS1 but it didn't really work, esp if he woke up in the night. Most effective method I had was to go to them as soon a they started crying and to reassure them with a pat/rub on the back/side/head and a "shhhh I'm here". First night with DS1 I stood upstairs for 30mins going back and forth about 50 times before I managed to get down the stairs, then DH had a turn. We spent all night doing this, next night was much better and by the third night we'd cracked it. Worked a treat with DD1 as well. I think for me I didn't feel as horrible as I did with CC method and without having to hold the door shut/listening to the sobs I could relax.

karen999 · 19/12/2007 21:34

Lulabell, you asked for opinions from those that had given it a go. I have and it worked. Dd1 used to spend 5-7 bawling (overtired) and then 7-9 awake and not being able to sleep, no matter how much rocking, singing I did. She would eventually fall asleep at about 10 and that would only be if I was in the bed with her. Lots of people do this and this is fine. For me, I did not want to do this kind of thing again hence the CC. Whatever you choose to do, good luck..xx

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