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Please help to avoid CantSleepWontSleep's 21 month old dd being exiled from toddler group!

128 replies

CantSleepWontSleep · 13/11/2007 17:21

We were 'spoken to' after toddler group today, and told that several people had noticed that dd is quite 'robust' (a diplomatic way of putting it!), and could I keep more of an eye on her at group, as they didn't want her to put people off coming .

She's a boisterous 21 month old, but was an early walker and has good speech for her age, so I wonder if the other mothers think that she is older than she is, and thus expect more discipline.

Today she bopped another child (who herself went through a similar phase a few months ago, when she was already over 2) on the head with a musical shaker thing. It was unprovoked (and didn't look malicious), but I was 2 inches away when it happened, so can't see how 'keeping an eye on her' is going to help.

I think that possibly the other mother expected me to take a similar approach to the one that she had (time out and made to say sorry), and because I didn't (don't feel it is appropriate at this age) she thinks that I am letting dd get away with it (which to an extent I suppose I am, but I did tell her firmly that it was wrong).

I don't think (or certainly hope) that the group leader would have spoken to me if other parents hadn't chipped in with other comments though.

So, the point of my post, is to ask how I should deal with this? What age appropriate action can I take that will pacify the other parents, but not unnecessarily traumatise dd or make toddler group an unenjoyable experience for both of us?

Sorry for length of post - has been annoying/upsetting me all day and wanted to get relevant info down.

OP posts:
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CantSleepWontSleep · 13/11/2007 21:42

lol at 'going to sell you on ebay'
DD is called by a shortening of her real name, so I honestly don't think she'd have a clue that I was talking to her if I called her her full proper name!

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hunkermunker · 13/11/2007 21:47

PMSL at DS2 sitting calmly anywhere!

His favourite activity atm is climbing onto the sofa, crouching down, waiting for everyone to look at him, then leaping up and shouting "Bing!" Or the same on the floor, but preferably up high.

He wriggles, shrieks, pinches and growls at me. But he does eventually realise that resistance is futile and resigns himself to it.

We must meet up soon, CSWS and Flame, avec baby tearaways, I think! We can relax, safe in the knowledge we're not judging the others if our offspring clout one another!

CantSleepWontSleep · 13/11/2007 21:52

pmsl at 'Bing'. Reminds me of another of our postnatal thread, who was jumping up and down saying 'bang' to get her ds used to fireworks!

As I was reading your post I was thinking that we really must meet up soon (though can you manage not to look a spritely 18 that day like you did on Sat?!), and there you are suggesting it too! You and flame are the harder ones to pin down re dates [my life is a vacant lot], so you should both consult diaries and mail me.

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hunkermunker · 13/11/2007 21:56

Ah, DS2 does a mean firework impression too - "Pssssssssss.........bang!"

Will email you and Flame so we can sort out a date.

I don't look sprightly and 18, I can assure you! Largely because DS2 woke up at sodding 5.20am... I wasn't saying "bing" then...![haggard]

Flame · 13/11/2007 21:59

Sounds good

I will have no spare pennies for the journey until about Feb now

hunkermunker · 13/11/2007 21:59

Have just emailed you both

A birthday bash it is then!

SoupDragon · 13/11/2007 22:04

I have nothing helpful to add but, to make you feel better, BabyDragon has been done for shoplifting twice at toddler group so far this term. Once with personalised bears and comfort cloths (why she wanted one with "Brandon" on I don't know)and today with Usborne Books. She climbs up onto the stage, uses the glue as liquid soap and is, ahem, forceful in her "sharing". It's a brave child that tries to pick on her and they rarely do it more than once I can tell you!

I only have a loud word with her to make the other parents think I'm doing something. Quite frankly, it's pointless because she just looks at me in disdain and carries on. Unless I distract her with a biscuit.

hunkermunker · 13/11/2007 22:06

So that's what having two older brothers does for you, SD

I'll bear that in mind for future offspringing - bit scared of them outnumbering DH and me...!

SoupDragon · 13/11/2007 22:06

The full name thing is why all my children have 2 middle names. If they get the full set of 4 they know they'd best start running.

UniS · 13/11/2007 22:07

If your thining peopel are confused about how old Dc is try asking around for recomendations on party venues for Dc 2nd birthday in X. remind peopel just how young teh are.

CantSleepWontSleep · 13/11/2007 22:07

See, this is why I was surprised by it all, because from our PN thread I knew that it was all quite normal [unless Feb 06 was a good month for unusually errant children].

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Flame · 13/11/2007 22:08

pmsl @ BabyDragon!

Flame · 13/11/2007 22:08

(So you know there is a SloppySoupDragon Soupy??)

hunkermunker · 13/11/2007 22:08

SD, you have thought of six boys names? Wow!

CantSleepWontSleep · 13/11/2007 22:08

But then they might expect invites UniS!
[shudder]

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SoupDragon · 13/11/2007 22:09

She is worse than both the boys put together. I thought DS2 was my challenging child (he once ran through a farm gift shop, grabbed a handful of stuff on the way through and out into the yard with me in hot pursuit...) He's an emotional bundle of mischief though, she's more like an assassin.

kindersurprise · 13/11/2007 22:11

lol Babydragon and the full 4 names.

CSWS,
I am surprised that they are making a fuss, tbh, a bit of pushing and shoving is normal at that age. We had an agreement in our playgroup that we let the DCs fight it out amongst themselves (so to speak) and only got involved when it was getting too rough. Children have to learn to deal with conflict (within reason)

SoupDragon · 13/11/2007 22:12

Yep [proud] Middle names are easy though, none of them are names I'd have used as first names though (not that they're not fine solid names of course). Was seriously struggling had BabyDragon been a boy though! Luckily she's a boy by nature despite her actual gender - I found the SmallDragons wrestling yesterday... she was on top and winning.

SoupDragon · 13/11/2007 22:15

I think all children of this age behave like this though, it's how they respond to the discipline/chastisement that differs. DS1 ued to take himself to the bottom stair when told to go there for time out and stay there until told he could get off. DS2 would have to be pinned down, taken back, taken back again etc etc. BabyDragon will not consider the possibility that she is in the wrong.

Flame · 13/11/2007 22:17

FlameBoy is more of a Dragon DS2.

I discovered a benefit to DD having boyish interests today... her Spiderman t-shirt now fits DS Never thought I'd be passing down her clothes to him!

CantSleepWontSleep · 13/11/2007 22:21

I occasionally ask dd if she wants to go to the naughty step. She says 'yes' and looks excited like it's a reward for something .
I think she'd get along great with BabyDragon, if they could agree not to discuss who's in charge .

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VeniVidiVickiQV · 13/11/2007 22:25

Flame - it sounds a bit like your DS doesnt know how to invite someone to play with him.

Perhaps you can coach him a bit on it? He obviously wants the attention of other children and seemingly wants to join in, but doesnt quite know how.

CSWS - your DD sounds a bit like my DS.
Does she avoid eye contact when she's done something she shouldnt have?

SoupDragon · 13/11/2007 22:25

I think it would be a match made in hell round the back of the playhouse drinking stolen alcopops no doubt

I'm already hanging my head in despair because she appears to hero-worship barrel-of-monkeys DS2 rather than calm, gentle DS1. She calls him by name, DS1 is still just Brother.

Christie · 13/11/2007 22:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Flame · 13/11/2007 22:30

VVVQV - Are you saying that bashing round head, swiping toys and dragging by the hair isn't the recognised method of making friends?!

He probably does need more help from me - he has always been an independent little potterer so I tend to forget that he needs skills teaching