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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Controlled Crying - Just how awful is it? and does it work?

80 replies

helencharade · 06/07/2007 11:57

Anyone out there tried controlled crying? DH and I are thinking that we're going to have to start as our DD is sleeping appallingly and we're exhausted and desperate! Hate the idea of letting her cry but literally think it's the only thing we can do now.

Would love to know what its like!!

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notasheep · 06/07/2007 11:59

Took me 2 very stressful evenings and it worked.ds then settled well.

Mercy · 06/07/2007 12:00

Hello Helen.

I did my own version of cc, which worked for us.

How old is your dd? What's the situation?

Hulababy · 06/07/2007 12:01

Depends on age of child to start with.

I did CC, or our slightly diluted version of it, with DD. She was 20 months old and DH and I were shattered, and DD was suffering as a result of over triredness. It was over with in days.

I did a diary of our CC tiume here on MN somewhere.

Original poster

helencharade · 06/07/2007 12:04

She's 18 months old. She used to settle wonderfully in her cot but about four weeks ago she started screaming whenever we left the room. She wakes in the night and wants us to stay with her till then.
We thought it was a phase and that it would pass but she's waqking frequently and taking longer to settle even when we sit with her.
I'm totally exhausted.

Would love to see a diary of how it works.
Also did it makes your DC hrow up?

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Original poster

helencharade · 06/07/2007 12:05

I meant throw up...!

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Hulababy · 06/07/2007 12:07

Diary here

No, DD wasn't stick. It wa smore Controlled Shouting out, than crying TBH!

Original poster

helencharade · 06/07/2007 12:17

Thanks so much for this. Your diary has really re-assured me that this might work and hopefully won't take too long and won't make DD hate me!!

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newgirl · 06/07/2007 12:22

we just did it and it worked (touch wood!)

i had to put ear plugs in and lay there shaking

she cried loudly for 35 minutes and then had a great night sleep and has done all week

awful at the time, not everyone happier

she is 15 months and i was at my wits end so you have my support!!

Original poster

helencharade · 06/07/2007 12:27

Did you go and check after 5, then 10 mins?

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dazedorconfused · 06/07/2007 12:28

We did it and it really worked quickly, 2 nights of about 30 minutes of grissling.

But what helped me going into it was my mum said, there's a difference in letting a child cry to making it cry.

Lots of flaws in that statment but CC is to try and help everyone get sleep not just parents so it did comfort me a little when I waivered.

Original poster

helencharade · 06/07/2007 12:34

I love that phrase. I think your mum may be helping DH and I!

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dazedorconfused · 06/07/2007 13:11

I hope so!
We stayed just outside the room so we could hear any changes etc but she couldn't see us - when I say we, I mean me, DH went and watched TV as I recall!

We didn't go in so she couldn't see us but I did talk to her every five, then ten, then fifteen mins. Nothing much just a few 'soothing' heys, shush nows etc.

Good luck it is hard but definitely worth it.

Original poster

helencharade · 07/07/2007 08:14

Morning

My DH gave the CC a little go last night..I went to the supermarket and he let our DH cry for two minutes. Told him off for doing this by himself! We had agreed to wait until next weekend to start as we're going away for a few nights next week....anyway he said that after two minutes of crying our DH was shaking with fear. Is this normal?!

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TrinityRhino · 07/07/2007 08:16

normal helen
as parents we are designed to go and help our crying children, after all they are just communicating a need.

I shal step away from this thread now as I wholly disaprove of CC.

Original poster

helencharade · 07/07/2007 08:21

to be honest. I wholly disapprove of it as well and always always said I wouldn't try it but I am so desperate for some sleep. I feel that if i don't get some proper sleep soon I'm not going to be able to function as a mummy

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TrinityRhino · 07/07/2007 08:22

fair enough helen
there are other ways though

katelyle · 07/07/2007 08:23

What Triniryrhino said.
Fancy breakfast somewhere, Trinityrhino?

Original poster

helencharade · 07/07/2007 08:24

I'd be grateful for some other ways if you could give advice...

Tried explaining to her...it worked for a few months but then she started screaming...

Tried co-sleeping...worked great until about three months ago when she started becoming very wriggy and kicking me in the head all night

tried working a chair towards the door...

tried sitting with her...

currently going with the sleeping on her floor....

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TrinityRhino · 07/07/2007 08:31

sorry helen
I should have stayed 'stepped away'
I just allowed my dd2 to continue to wake up and then come into my bed until she stopped herself at 2.1

What we did do was to put her in a bed instead of a cot. then sat with her to go to sleep then started saying 'ack in a min darling stay there' and literally just leaving her for a minute and then saying 'good girl, you stayed in bed, sllepy time'
and if you sit with them, you have to IGNORE them completely else it gets into a game.

once we got her going to sleep without us sitting next to her then she stopped waking in the night.

I realise my child may have been alot easier than some other parents are having to cope with but I still dont agree with CC.

Having said that it took us 8 months to get from her falling asleep anytime between 11pm and 1 am downstairs and then being carried up oinly to wake up 2 hours later and then come into my bed and wriggle all night to her now going to bed at 7.30pm without anyone sitting next to her and sleeping thourhg till 7am.

CC may be quicker but I cannot emotionally do it. I did try it with dd1 years ago and alsmost threw up. Other methods work but they are ALOT of work and take much longer but I feel they are worth it. We were still working on dd2 when Gecko came along....that was hard

TrinityRhino · 07/07/2007 08:32

hey katelyle, I'm starving
where shall we eat?

Original poster

helencharade · 07/07/2007 08:37

That;s ok. I totally understand why you don't agree with it. Deciding to do this was the hardest decision I've ever made but I really fear for my health, physical and mental if I don't get some proper sleep soon. At the moment I'm crying at the slightest thing simply because I'm too tired.
I love my daughter more than anything in the world and want her to have some good sleep and us have some good sleep so we can be good parents. I've battled on for a year with broken nights and simply can't ake it any more.
I'm terribly worried about the consequences of doing this but surely a mummy who cries all the time due to exhaustaion can't be good for my DD

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TrinityRhino · 07/07/2007 08:39

I see where you are coming from
I was the same.
I am also on anti d's so not doing very well as a mummy at all.

Original poster

helencharade · 07/07/2007 08:41

Just cause on your anti d's doesn't mean you're not a good mummy.

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Oblomov · 07/07/2007 08:42

There are alternatives to CC. I mean a settling, leaving, returning, settling. Being firm, but without the crying. Tracy Hogg, in her Baby Whisperer book recommends this. Would that suit you more ?

Original poster

helencharade · 07/07/2007 08:45

yes it would. we tried the pick up/put down and it worked great for getting our dd to go to sleep in her cot. not sure how it translates for leaving the room though?

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