Controlled Crying - Just how awful is it? and does it work?

[helencharade]

Anyone out there tried controlled crying? DH and I are thinking that we're going to have to start as our DD is sleeping appallingly and we're exhausted and desperate! Hate the idea of letting her cry but literally think it's the only thing we can do now.

Would love to know what its like!!

I would recommend the baby whisperer book by Gina Hogg. I would not reccommend CC until you have really looked into the reasons for and against. There is very little research about the long term affects on a baby which has expereinced cc. Also it is important to remember that a baby under one year does not have the capacity to know that you are coming back after leaving it.
For me cc was never an option there are other ways, its hard work but a sleep routine is essential, some quiet time, maybe a massage, book, dim lights, boob/bottle etc.We had sleep issues with DD1 and after following the baby whisperer after 3 nights it had really improved, hard work but worth it.

Hi Gemma123,

I'm new on here (have lurked for a long time but find everyone a bit imtimidating - wimp). However, I really feel for you, so just wanted to offer some support. I was always very anti CC as I worried intensely about the psychological reasons for why it "worked" (child feeling abandoned etc.). However, I was at a point of total desperation. My DS would only fall asleep after having his feed and then being held against my shoulder (he suffered from Reflux). We managed to control his reflux with medication but, by then, the sleep assocations had set in. I was exhausted to the point of hallucinating and suffering with pretty bad PND to boot. My HV suggested CC. I tried it once for about 5 minutes and cried harder than DS. I eventually contacted a Sleep Trainer because I knew I needed help and could not do it alone. She was a godsend and really helped me. Not least because she helped me feel that I was helping DS, not damaging him. He too was utterly exhausted (it still makes me ache when I look at photos of him and see the unhappiness and fatigue in his face - i feel so guilty because I feel that I let him down by not helping him sooner) because he slept so very little. CC was still hard and involved a lot of tears on my part but it did work. DS was very young when we went through this (just under 4 months) and I know I will therefore be shot down by many (I would have shot myself down too)but I truly believe we did the right thing for our baby. He is now 12 months old and, other than the odd teething blip or cold, sleeps well - has done so for a long time. More to the point though, he generally wakes up singing and chatting to himself. He goes into his cot awake (normally)and settles with no tears at all. He is happy and knows he is secure and loved. He does not feel abandoned. CC is not right for everyone I know and I am sure it must be even harder when they are older but it worked for us so good luck if you do decide to try it. Make sure you have lots of support (as I say, I think I cried as much as him and some times I did just crumple and go to him) because it can be horrible (and time goes so slowly in the night when you are hovering and listening) but new sleep assocations will come. Good luck.

Hi,

I promise I am not criticising anyone as I was seriously I considering CC myself, but I recently read that the Australian Association of Infant Mental Health has come out against Controlled Crying. It is apparently bad for neurological development in babies - can lead to too much cortisol (hormone controlling stress response) and generally bad for their emotional/mental wellbeing.

I have an 11 month old daughter and yes I do stay with her until she falls asleep but then she generally sleeps through the night. Occasionally I have to cuddle her back off to sleep about an hour after putting her down. I have been through very rough patches of a week or so at a time where I was despairing of ever being able to get a good night's sleep, but they seemed to be passing phases. I do try to have a good bedtime routine of bath, read a book etc., so she has some sleep associations and knows what's coming next. It is really hard though and I went through so many doubts about whether I was spoiling my child etc., but having read the research I am glad that I followed my instincts.

I hope I don't sound like I am lecturing. I am just making decisions as I go along, as everyone seems to, and at the end of the day, we are all striving to do the best for our babies

sleep therapisyt i see said its not where you just leave them you leave it 2 mins go in reassure then leave the room then you leave 5 mins then 10 then evry 10 mins from there its hard it does make you feel bad but when you hear them settling it feels relieving a few nights of this and you should notice big difference

and when wakes in night dont go straight away listen to the sound of cry fis=rast if sounds tired and not in pain leave and they do settle themselves if starts crying when you leave room

another technique from my sleep therapist sit with your back to them no talking no contact just be there they settle so quick just knowing your there takes 5 mins now with my ds may take longer on first night ignore any attempts to get your attention

when waking in night again sit on floor with back to her far away as possible but close enough to know your there she'll soon settle even sit and read story when putting to bed my ds normally dozes off through story

Its such a difficult one (as Elffriend puts so well). I was against cc and swore Id never do it but around 5 months dd stopped sleeping at all. There were some nights she would not go to sleep and we were still up when the birds started singing around 4am.

Once I just left her as I had got to the end of my tether and didnt know what else to do and she yelled for an hour and a half and did not stop, so I didnt do cc again (although what I did was not cc I guess as not controlled just desperate!). I couldnt co-sleep as I had a traumatic experience in hospital involving that which I am still suffering the after effects of.

Anyway no advice just sympathy and hope it will pass. Guess you deal with it the way that works for you and your baby.