Smacking! At what age do people thinking it's appropriate

[AlanasMum]

I was at coffee morning the other day and my 15m dd was playing up a little. Another mum commented and said wow I bet she gets a lot of smacks. I must have looked a bit shocked as it hadn't occured to me to smack dd before.

I've always been on the fence on this subject and figured I'd cross that bridge when I came to it. Which appears to be coming quicker than I anticipated.

OMG, completely missed the last thread on this. I am going to email amazon and close my account too. I am truly shocked.

What, you're going to stop using amazon 'cos they stock books you don't like? That's mad, sorry but it is, it makes no sense to do that.

Whatever.

I think the book is outragous but I won't be boycotting amazon because they stock it - I just won't buy it!!!

By the look of it the whole whether to boycott amazon has been done to death, so its not worth doing it again. But, if I had a local bookshop that stocked this crap I wouldnt use it.

not just that book, also books that are guides to paedophilia and how they are right and we are wrong, where to look for children, how to groom them etc.

This was over a year ago. You do what you want and I'll do what I want.

It's not the people I knew but the teaching sounds exactly the same.

They were just bonkers, they had this whole 'surrendered wife' thing as well. You had to surrender your will totally to your husband, just as he would surrender his to God - gulp - it really worried me, because after I stopped hanging around with them I knew loads of young people in the area were still going along and buying into their weird doctrine.

The pastor had 3 teenage children (looked like a tommy hilfiger ad campaign, squeaky clean) and they used to testify about how they were glad they had been disciplined in this way. Just freaked me out totally.

that's is awful, I am so surprised I had no idea! (I just can't boycott Amazon as I don't live in the UK and it is my lifeline for books etc while I am here!)

But I also wouldn't use a bookshop that stocked books like that.

But this isn't about that ban, I was just seeing if they were the same people doggies was on about.

I'll definitely consider closing my amazon account - not really sure where I stand on this & can see both sides of the boycott issue, but will go off and read the other thread and have a ponder

kitty, you are familiar with the concept of boycotting something to make a stand? e.g. sanctions on South Africa during apartheid? It is a fairly well recognised form of protest...

but it's outrageous that these books are being published in the first place regardless of who is stocking them.

Sorry to bang on Rhubarb but I think I must live in a little naive world of my own

x posts Rhubarb. I must try and remember the pastor's name and do a search - expunged it from my memory obviously.

S'ok! All this happened quite a while ago and I closed my account because I was shocked that they stocked books encouraging paedophilia - not just encouraging it but telling people how to do it!

It's not something I want to re-open however and I don't really care what Kitty or anyone else thinks of it.

Ok no worries.

Just been talking to a male prisoner today about this topic! As part of his review it came up he'd just finished out parenting course. He was really interested by it all. Has two children and has always used smacking ad the main form of punishment, as as his partner. He found the alternatives suggested and the background behind why we shouldn't smack really interesteding and informative and he said it had really made him thing - enough so to make him write to his partner about it and to doscuss it with her udring their last visit. At the moment he thinks he and his partner will try their best not to smack (for him when release obviosuly). He is in prison for violence related offences - has been in trouble on and off for such things for a while. His own parents smacked as their main form of punishment too and he thinks a lot stemmed from this. I hope the parenting classes have helped him and his family Let's hope he can stick to his new found principles!

Not saying all children who were smacked grow up like this, but found his conversation about the topic very interesting to me. Chatted for ages about it in the end!

It is obscene behaviour to smack someone weaker/smaller than yourself, or indeed anyone at all. Its just bullying.
The lesson it teaches are: If you`re bigger than someone, you can hit them. Children rarely remember what they were smacked for, because being smacked is the main memory of the event.

My mum and dad smacked liberally from when we were really tiny.
Yeah that really worked to teach us about life- my poor brothers get into drunken fights regularly, often with each other. I feel like my parents have damaged what used to be lovely and lovable little boys.

I am quite happy to come round to the house of anyone who hits their children and hit them.

Never!

actually beansprout, to reproduce the smacking experience, you need to send round someone twice or three times the size of the smacker in weight and height.
like this man
only when appropriate, of course

kitty, you haven't said why you think there's a place for it. Why would you smack?

Because there are times when other methods simply don't bring the message over as effectively. I don't smack very often, but when I do it is because the mark has been overstepped. Smacking is effective when used in moderation. I was smacked as a child, not often, but remember that when it happened I KNEW I had really pushed things too far. My older children haven't been smacked for so long now that I can't remember when the last time was. They are lovely, thoughtful, polite, happy well behaved children.

I must say I can't fault the logic of the vociferous anti smackers would would happily use violence to support their cause

kitty, i am sorry to have to point this out but we are joking , being ironic and generally pointing out how vile your position is by the use of humour.
of course we wouldn't send someone to hit you, who was much bigger and stronger than you if you stepped over the line.
that would be cruel, barbaric and uncivilised.
although no doubt it would work

AlanasMum - the ineffectiveness of smacking is actualy proved within the silly woman's comment!

She saw a child acting up and therefore assumed she got smacked a lot. So if, in her mind, smacking is the appropriate / effective response to acting up, why would your dd still be acting up rather than having learned to behave??? Dur!

But of course the clue is she would expect you to smack her a lot simply because an acting-up toddler is tiring for a parent and smacking is all too often the expression of the parent simply relieving thier feelings by slapping. Appropriate? never.

kitty, that's no justification at all - or as I thought, it's lazy justification. You simply THINK of another strategy that you hardly ever use, something that means 'you have gone too far' and a line has been stepped over, and you use that as a last resort instead of smacking.