Smacking! At what age do people thinking it's appropriate

[AlanasMum]

I was at coffee morning the other day and my 15m dd was playing up a little. Another mum commented and said wow I bet she gets a lot of smacks. I must have looked a bit shocked as it hadn't occured to me to smack dd before.

I've always been on the fence on this subject and figured I'd cross that bridge when I came to it. Which appears to be coming quicker than I anticipated.

Sorry for delayed response I have been away at my parents

Wow! Niavely I didn't realise quite how controversial my original post would be
I'm very sorry to those who have had bad memories dredged up

I was hit by both my parents as a child my Dad fairly frequently and my Mum on the occasion where she deemed I had been particularly outrageous.
I can remember the last time that they both hit me I was 16 and my Mum smacked me across the face so hard that she broke my glasses and then cried. My Dad was when after a particularly bad fight I hit him back with a broom (hard explaining that the next day at work).
They then sent me to live with a Prison Guard's family for a week to see if they could deal with me
Ironically I now have a better relationship with my Dad than my Mum, but that is for a variety of reasons.

My dh and I have discussed it and have decided we are going to do our best not to even 'tap' our dd. After posting on mn I have also had a rather 'interesting' and awkward conversation with my parents with regards smacking.
I guess I just hope I don't end up with a dd who was quite the wild child I was.

Aqu, that sounds a good plan. I think people were glad you posted the topic. It was interesting.

powder, that's dreadful. Someone I know (wel my sister actually) when I was once with her she was treating her son in a way I thought was wrong. All he'd done was pick up a piece of dried cow pat. The germs would probably be good for him but she went on and on over a two hour walk we were doing with our chidlren about what a dirty boy he was, how naughty etc and wouldn't let it drop. I am certainly no perfect and we all treat our chidlren as we shouldn't from time to time but it's hard to know when to intervene and when not. I think I said something like I don't think it would hurt him or something. My brother had to leave her and her children once because he couldn't stand how she was talking to her children, swearing etc. Of course what people often need most is support not criticism. He could have offered to take them out for a bit. One never wants to be like those who tolerated Hitler and took no action but were not involved. Doing nothing can be the same as condoning things. It's when someone goes beyond what is a range of normal parenting choices to something that you feel is abusive it gets hard (ignoring smacking etc for a minute too).

Message withdrawn

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Matildax-sorry for delay in getting back.thanks for the hugs.
My mother seem to have one child after the other when I was growing up.. maybe it was PND, I don't know but that is no excuse. there were happy ocassions but some not so happy.The last time she hit me was when I was 17, which in anger I am ashamed to say that I hit her back. this is when i left home.
I have always vowed that I will never strike my children in anger...this just leads to resentment...
On saying that if it is an isolated ocassion and the parent recognises a mistake has been made then parent and child relationships can be restored.
I commend the ones that don't use smacking as a form of discipline.
I have tapped my children in the past as a last resort..two of my children are older so I find that taking away priviledges ie grounding,banning from msn works better as a tap on the hand would be pointless and they would just laugh at me