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Original poster

Smacking! At what age do people thinking it's appropriate

480 replies

AlanasMum · 21/03/2007 17:14

I was at coffee morning the other day and my 15m dd was playing up a little. Another mum commented and said wow I bet she gets a lot of smacks. I must have looked a bit shocked as it hadn't occured to me to smack dd before.

I've always been on the fence on this subject and figured I'd cross that bridge when I came to it. Which appears to be coming quicker than I anticipated.

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TwoToTango · 21/03/2007 19:01

never.

McDreamy · 21/03/2007 19:01

It's not appropriate at any age

clairemow · 21/03/2007 19:07

never. how can a child who's smacked differentiate between his mum/dad smacking him and being told never to hit anyone himself? It's totally mixed messages.

DS1 is 2.10, and has never been smacked. When he hits/pinches etc. (not often any more!), I ask him if Mummy ever hits him or his little brother, and he says no - so it's not ok then. Couldn't use that reasoning if I hit him myself.

Troutpout · 21/03/2007 19:11

never

Soapbox · 21/03/2007 19:22

Never!

Juicychops - hwo does hitting him show him not to hit?

HuwEdwards · 21/03/2007 19:23

LOL!! The thread title I never imagined to see on MN!!

motherinferior · 21/03/2007 19:26

I suppose it's theoretically 'appropriate' when they're bigger than you, and therefore able to whack the crap back out of you.

Given that I am a notorious shortarse this may well happen at some point over the next decade, but frankly I'd prefer if physical violence stayed out of the Inferiority Complex.

Chloe55 · 21/03/2007 19:35

I won't resort to smacking at any age, ds is 13mths. I was occassionally smacked as a child but also grew up knowing it was wrong to get into fights. A lot of the time we did as mum said, not as she did.

Themis · 21/03/2007 19:37

Shouldn't this be in the ' What would MN be like in the 1970's ' thread ?

Original poster
AlanasMum · 21/03/2007 19:38

sorry for delayed response had a bit of a kitchen mis-hap. Thankfully finger's stopped bleeding.

From her comments I thought more people found smacking appropriate.
In my heart I think I'd always hoped never to smack my child as she's never given me reason to. Not that I can think of a reason.
Good point about the confusing messages.

Currently use a lot of bribery for some of her behaviour (She's testing those boundaries). What mixed messages might i be sending there?

OP posts:
Bucketsofdynomite · 21/03/2007 20:30

Trick is not to make threats you don't want to keep eg "then we won't go out at all" and when you do make a threat, stand by it "I said we'd go home if you did it again so we're going home." Never "you'll get a smack next time"

steinermum · 21/03/2007 20:42

I totally disagree with smacking but will confess to resorting to it on a a few occasions when my two were little and I was at the end of my tether. It was always a BIG warning sign to me that I was frazzled and exhausted, NEVER part of a discipline strategy. If you start smacking, you tend to have to 'up the ante' as the shock value quickly wears off and it makes no sense to tell them not to hit if you hit them. I agree with everyone here who says DON'T, but I will also say that my two boys love me to bits and have obviously forgiven me my momentary lapses. I always apologised and tried to explain to them that it shouldn't have happened, so don't beat yourself up (metaphorically) if you have lapsed from your good intentions.

harpsichordcarrier · 21/03/2007 20:46

15 months how completely vile. I have a 16 month old and I can't imagine how anyone would think it appropriate to cause pain to her deliberately
I agree with MI: you can hit them when they are big enough to hit back.
or, to be fair, when they are three times bigger and heavier than you

Original poster
AlanasMum · 21/03/2007 21:08

I must admit I have found myself making a few threats it's not possible to keep. While try to keep that in check.
Thanks mumsnet!

OP posts:
NotanOtter · 21/03/2007 21:17

how silly that woman is - no smacking really appropriatefor babies

PanicPants · 21/03/2007 21:20

Never, ever.

margo1974 · 21/03/2007 21:32

I smacked my dd1 as she was about to put her fingers up the dogs nose and I needed to stop her quickly(she was about 2 at the time). I would rather that she got a smack from me than a bite from a dog. However now she is older I can reason with her and she understands me when I say no. I have found that giving my dog her cheese/biscuit/carrot has taught her not to do things like this to get attention.

I didn't like smacking her and felt very guilty.

Judy1234 · 21/03/2007 21:45

Never and by the way if you leave a mark you can be jailed for up to 5 years so I'd be careful what you write about it on here if you do choose to abuse your children in this way.

steinermum · 21/03/2007 21:47

Love you too Xenia xx

NotanOtter · 21/03/2007 21:48

xenia you have to appear so bloody perfect- your kids must have charmed lives

Original poster
AlanasMum · 21/03/2007 21:54

didn't know that about leaving a mark. you must have to smack a child very hard to leave a mark I presume by mark you mean bruise

OP posts:
Judy1234 · 21/03/2007 21:55

It's easy not to smack them if you work full time and aren't with them 24 hours a day. But no I never did and in the 1960s my father was a member of an association lobbying to ban this violence against the child. They are the only people you are allowed to him. Bigger people can hit smaller people (children). Weird and rightly now virtually banned.

margo1974 · 21/03/2007 21:57

i'm going to stick my neck out here and say that the majority of people who will post here will be ones who are anti-smacking and people who have done it and regretted it.

I didn't smack my daughter hard enough to leave a mark but just enough to stop her in her tracks. I don't think I am a bad mum. I ensure my dog and dds are not in the same room together. It was the first time she had tried to do something to the dog that would have hurt her. I couldn't guarantee that my dog would not nip her.

I think that I was the one who learnt most from the smacking incident. That is to not smack

Pann · 21/03/2007 21:58

never.

too young to start.

mollymawk · 21/03/2007 22:04

Obviously you can't smack a 15 month old. Before I had children I thought (in a fairly mild sort of way) that smacking might not be so bad. As soon as I had my ds1 I realised it could never be right to hit someone so much smaller than me and anyway would completely undermine any lessons I try to teach him that he can't hit people. And it isn't necessary.