Smacking! At what age do people thinking it's appropriate

[AlanasMum]

I was at coffee morning the other day and my 15m dd was playing up a little. Another mum commented and said wow I bet she gets a lot of smacks. I must have looked a bit shocked as it hadn't occured to me to smack dd before.

I've always been on the fence on this subject and figured I'd cross that bridge when I came to it. Which appears to be coming quicker than I anticipated.

There's certainly a place for smacking imo, but 15months is too young. I'd say not before 2 years.

Kitty - quick! get to the trenches! They're taking aim, preparing to fire...here it comes...

Steinermum- I know. I expect it.

Never

Where are they?? They must be rounding up the troops over that hill ...
Unless they're going for the, oh no, not the SILENT TREATMENT ...AAAAGGGHHH

I think it must be part of their policy of non violence, for to attack me for my views would be hypocrisy

I was smacked as a child and I have slapped the kids on their hands before now, usually out of fear for them i.e. if they've just run across the road or something.

I don't feel it is necessary though. Other punishments work just as well so why resort to hitting?

I also think it gives mixed messages, we tell our children not to hit because hitting is wrong, but then we hit them. As an adult we can reason this in our heads, but children don't reason things like we do and I think it does confuse them.

I just don't think it's necessary. My sister smacks hers and they just ignore her. So it's not that effective either.

It always depends how why and when it is done. Actually I don't tell my kids that hitting is wrong, in certain circumstances I have no prpoblem with it. We all believe and strive towards using other methods, sometimes it just isn't what's required.

never ever, my three have never been smacked, they are not the easiest kids as they have autism, for me smacking would just be to ease frustration, it would teach the children that aggression is acceptable.

I was watching something about this on This Morning once and there was a woman on there who said 'sometimes children needa good slap, especially boys'

On another program, cant remember it now, a father said 'there is nothing wrong with a controlled, light smack on the back of the hand in a loving household'

Never really appropriate imo

I think smacking is a form of bullying. I don't think there is ever a place for it. But that's just my opinion and alternative discipline methods work for my children.

Ah but Kitty I teach my kids that hitting, under any circumstances, is wrong. To use physical aggression towards another person is wrong.

All to often we see aggression in our cars, on the streets, at school, in the home etc and there is too much of it. People tend to deal with problems now by hitting out. I don't my kids to think that is right.

When I have slapped them out of fear, I have always apologised and told them that mummy was wrong.

I guess we have different approaches to life.

I agree with you Rhubarb - it's never ok to hit anyone

i think parents who think it's ok are finding a justification for lazy parenting. Of course it's not ok to hit anyone, let alone a child who looks to you for it's care, security and development in every way and who is by definition vulnerable.

I agree with Rhubarb too. I have sort of grabbed dd quite forcefully before, out of panic or because I lost my temper, but always apologise and tell her I shouldn't have done it.

In my youth I was on the fringes of a charismatic Christian church (doing that teenage soul-searching thing). The pastor's wife had written a book on parenting and being a wife , and the advice on discipline was priceless.

She advised parents to wait until they were calm - no hitting in anger - then calmly explain to the child that they were about to be hit and why. She suggested using an implement like a wooden spoon, so it would not be your own hand - to depersonalise it.

She also said a child was never too young - she had gently tapped her own babies even before they were 6 months old.

I got out of there pdq before they could brainwash me.

I think that book is for sale on Amazon doggies.

Really?? I had hoped she'd never managed to get it out there - it was self published at the time.

I am always suprised by how many people advocate smacking. the logic I hear seems to be that sometimes it is the only way to make a child understand, as they dont get reason or consequences etc.

If you take that thought process where does it end? A special needs adult might have the logic and reason of a 4 yo, so would you expect carers to smack them?

for me, hitting someone smaller than you is bullying with no exeptions.

There was a thread about it on MN around a year ago, what you've said just sounds very familiar. They have written books on parenting the "Christian" way (but far from Christian imo), they have a website too and answer questions from new mums. If you think GF is bad you should check out what these people are doing! They have small whips that they use on babies and they describe how they use them on the website.

Wish I could remember the names now. Lots of us wrote to Amazon about it.

small whips??? wtf! I could cry when I hear stuff like that.

Found it here

That is shocking! Do amazon still stock these books?

Yup.