Did anyone's baby not coo/stop cooing for over a month & everything be ok?

[Kmxxx14]

I posted about my DD and how she stopped cooing at 10 weeks. Everyone reassured me it was normal she was just learning something new.

She's 16 weeks on Monday & still no cooing. Did this happen to anyone else?

Insane - if you don't mind me asking, I know you've spent enough time on here explaining stuff, but what kind of stuff could I be doing as "early intervention" at home?

What is playing with purpose?

Everyday I get down on the floor with her and sing, talk and practice rolling over. I talk to her lots during the day. We go to baby groups and rhyme time at the library. I sing to her in the bath and when getting ready. Is there anything more I could be doing?

The reason I said I didn't interact with her yesterday is because other posters were suggesting the reason she may be silent &a avoiding eye contact is perhaps due to over stimulation and to be quiet and calm with her.

Dd (12 weeks adjusted) is doing that same thing with her legs at the moment - I think it's as they develop core strength as my eldest dd did it too. It's a precursor to rolling imo

She's sweet. My DD did this with her legs. It's how they build up strength in their tummies to roll over.

Well playing with purpose was me knowing where she was lacking skills and playing with an aim in mind. So when she didn't make any noise my aim was to get her to make some sort of noise. So the flying worked but that was after six months of trying other things too and having tried flying lots of times before. Peepo, water, instruments, bubbles, spinning toys, sensory experiences etc etc.
When she made a noise my aim was for her to know that any noise would get her what she wanted. When she had grasped that she'd be rewarded for making a noise then it was time to get an approximation of a word or a sound. I soon learned that dd liked pairs of things so she would always get one of one thing but to get its pair she had to make a noise/ sound/ word (depending on what stage we were at)
Then the aim was to increase her vocab, teach her actions, give her phrases that were useful. I used a child development checklist and worked my way through not being afraid to change tack if dd showed interest in another area or to push on in other areas if dd appeared interested.
We went out and about a lot too because different experiences were an opportunity to teach her new stuff or find something that sparked an interest and I'd use that interest to find an activity or use it as a reward or an incentive.
So for example dd loved books and stories, she was though unsteady on her feet and behind on gross motor skills. We'd go to the park and to encourage her with crawling and walking we'd be the three billy goats gruff trip trapping over the bridge and she would happily do that when she might have been reluctant to walk and crawl with me encouraging her along.
At 18 weeks I wasn't worried about dd tbh and was trying hard not to watch her too closely as I was determined to enjoy her so the stuff I did with dd was more when she was over a year old as then I knew what was wrong IYSWIM.
I'd have been playing peepo, round the garden, wind the bobbin, pat a cake things like that when dd was about that age I suppose. Bubbles were always a hit, splashing in a bowl of water, knocking stuff of the high chair table, demolishing towers of bricks, looking at books, all stuff I bet you do every day.

Insane - thank you, so much time and detail put into your reply, I really appreciate it.

I realise the reason I feel so anxious is because I feel scared & intimidated about how I would parent/interact with My child if she had special needs.

I really would have no idea but after reading your reply and doing some research online it seems less intimidating. And therefore less daunting and therefore less anxious for me, if that makes sense?

Regarding the legs, that's interesting. Will be nice to watch her get stronger gradually and hopefully roll in the near future. I looked up my sons baby book and he rolled at 17 weeks which would be next week for DD but I've got a feeling we will be still a while away which I'm quite happy to wait for. Once my DS was mobile there was no stopping him!

No experience with child psychology other than having a nearly eight month old DD but just wanted to say that what you've written sounds completely normal from my perspective.

I can't remember how old she was when she started, but my DD always liked scratching surfaces and like you, was a bit worried at first until I googled and asked around... Most babies do it apparently as a way of feeling new materials.. DD doesn't do it so much now she has much more dexterity in her fingers but still loves exploring different textures and objects. One of her favourite things is to fiddle with zips, buttons and poppers! Oh, and labels, she loves labels!

She also went through a period of at least a month where she stopped making sounds which again worried me but it was when she was learning to roll over which is apparently totally normal... There's so much for babies to learn so it's not surprising they concentrate on one thing at a time. When she started making sounds again, it wasn't her previous cooing but a weird cat-strangled screeching sound! I can't remember exactly what it was like but I think I recall it sounded like some of the dinosaurs from Jurassic Park!

She then went through a phase of extended As and is now onto mumumum and Dadadadad so her vocal skills are developing pretty normally!

She also went through a phase of seeking quite serious when we were out and about (which got commented on by HVs ) and would only really smile at home but now loves going to groups and seeing friends.. It's really sweet actually.. She'll give me a huge grin when we get somewhere as if to thank me for taking her there!

Anyway, babies do seem to go through these weird phases (DD's is to now use me as a climbing frame and eat my face) but I think in 99% of cases it's just a normal part of their development.

Not meaning to dismiss your concerns but it sounds totally normal from my own perspective.

And I can empathise with the anxiety.. My own current worry is that DD's cumulative whacking of her head (she's recently started crawling and pulling herself up but is pretty clumsy!) is going to cause some damage... But the important thing is to try and rationalise it. And I also understand about obsessing over one thing because that is the only thing you have to think about, I'm the same.

Hope your doctor's appt went okay

Seemed quite serious*

Seeming even!

Oh, and she has also started pulling her hair and hitting herself when she's tired/gets upset which is apparently also normal behaviour according to Dr Google.. Still worrying sometimes though!

She is also teething and does it mainly when she's feeding so I think it's probably to distract herself from gum pain..

See.. Babies' behaviour might look odd to us but to them it makes perfect sense And they're just making sense of the world.. just think, 16 weeks ago she was in a little bubble.. It must be so strange and scary for them at times!

Thank you.

I've had a few days to observe her and just try to relax about it.

I'm almost sure now that she's acting normal with regards to eye contact etc. She does look and smile at me and others but at the same time she does cry and get grumpy. It's easy to focus on the times when she's grumpy and not interacting but I'm trying not to and realise she is actually quite normal I think.

There's still times in the back of my mind that I think surely complete silence from her CANT be normal but I have been able to talk sense into myself most times which is an improvement.

And if realised how much I do and will love her regardless of the outcome.

Just seen her lower gum &I I'm pretty sure she's just cut her first tooth!

Maybe that'll explain the grumpiness lately

How's things today km?

You sound much more upbeat in your latest posts, which I'm glad about. How is your daughter today?

Hi plimsolls

Thanks for the message.

I'm feeling much calmer about everything. I think the initial panic is my way of dealing with things unfortunately. I have been able to get on with life this week without obsessing about her.

She has been generally very good. She's been making eye contact and smiling lots. Still no noise from her what so ever though.

I took her to a baby massage class today and she looked at me the full time and smiled and wiggled about as if she wanted to roll over. The other babies were similiar but making lots of noise and the teacher commented on how quiet she was and how lucky I was . I wish!

The only thing I was slightly "bothered" by today was that my SIL came to visit and my DD screamed and screamed when she held her. It happens everutime she holds her and also happened when my gran held her. I'm not sure if she's experiencing very early separation anxiety (but she's fine with other people so I don't know). The only thing my SIL and gran have in common is that they smoke so maybe it's the smell.

My OH is working away this week & I was really hoping that she would be making noises again for him returning (next Wednesday) but I'm just taking one day at a time and actually don't feel the same disappointment that I did last week when each day ended with her silent again.

I just keep praying & hoping she's ok and just taking time to enjoy her. Today we napped on the couch together where as usually I'd do housework or other things. I honestly look at her and love her so so so much.

Oh another thing that's happened twice i that made me a little curious is that whilst she's feeding & falling asleep she will forget/stop swallowing even though the milk is still coming. I anticipate a big choke/cough but she holds her breathe for about 10-15 seconds then finally swallows and inhales again. I'm sure it's normal but just made me a little nervous.

anyway, thanks again for checking in. As soon as she does start making her noises again I'll be sure to update.

I'm very much looking forward to seeing your update when she's making noises again!

I'm totally with you on the 'Panic first, rationalise later' thing - Not with developmental stuff for me because that happens to be an area of knowledge for me so I'm ok with it- but I'm constantly noticing something that could be a small medical issue and then googling more about it, panicking for a few hours and then getting my sensible head back. My google search history is ridiculous!

It's lovely taking the time just to enjoy them, isn't it? I do that sometimes (especially when the weather is bad so we just have a cosy day in). It's so special!

It's funny you say that about your SIL. Starting last week, my daughter has got really really upset when some people come too close (sometimes just even saying hello to her!). I can't work out what it is that sets her off, there's been 4 women and 1 man she's cried about but then she's been fine with other people. I thought maybe they were just too "in her face" (I think she's going to be a shy girl) or she was starting to just be a bit clingy but actually I wonder if there's a bad smell or a perfume or something. Good thinking.

Mine does that 10second pause thing too. It is a bit nerve wracking, waiting for the next inhale....every time!

Baby massage sounds good. I keep meaning to see if there's a class local to me.

Anyway, keep up with the updates and I'm glad to hear you're finding time to simply enjoy her too

Had to come back here tonight to read through some of the responses again as I seem to be really struggling today. Really struggling.

I felt like I was sleeping last night but not really. Like I was aware of everything with just a million thoughts racing through my mind.

Today was just the same old day. Trying to get any interaction from her with nothing in return. No interest nothing. Feeling guilty about the lack of time I have for my 5 year old.

I feel like running away from it all or just rewinding time to when it was just me and my OH and my son. I feel so awful but I don't know how to stop this. I can't take medication as I'm breastfeeding but I'm just not cooing and I don't know what to do.

What's making it worse is that she's developed severe stranger anxiety. It's 100% stranger anxiety - not wind, colic, their smell.

Whenever someone new speaks to her she starts sobbing. If someone picks her up that she's unsure of she'll be uncontrollable for 20-30 minutes. This has happened consistently for the last week. I'm not imagining it and it's 100% in reaction to people speaking to her or holding her.

She's not even officially 4 months old and it's extreme. I just don't think it's normal and I read it's could be another red flag.

Only read Op and last update

One of mine did the not babbling for a month or two (think it may even have been longer)

Same child also did the screaming at others talking thing too. Especially older children talking.

Anyway- all fine now. Is still a quiet, sensitive soul who is not keen on strangers - but developing normally at school and v bright

Hi km, I'm glad you came back to this thread whilst feeling anxious, it's a good coping strategy!

The inconsolable crying at strangers interacting with her (and picking her up) is completely normal for a baby her age. I don't know where you've read it's a red flag for autism but it is not an indication of autism if a baby does it. Babies are expected to do that. Mine does it. I had to leave the hairdressers a couple of weeks ago because one of the hairdressers came and said hello to her and tickled her and then tried to pick her up. She was absolutely inconsolable (I also found it upsetting to have her be so upset).

Anyway, I've been thinking about what your GP said. The online programme can be really good for anxiety but I'm not sure it's the best solution for you in your current post-natal situation (it's hard to do online if you're also caring for children and also it might not necessarily be designed for your needs etc). If you've had a go and haven't got on with it, go back to your GP. If you haven't managed to do it due to child care, go back to your GP and let him/her know it's not going to work for you.

There should be a Sure Start Children's Centre near you I think. The services available in them vary from county to county. I used to work in one as a psychologist and parents could drop in to see me although I think that's a rare service. They should do "stay n play" type sessions run by experienced Play Workers, and they often have Family Support Workers around too. These would be great people for you to get to know as they have experience with children and could discuss your fears with you. They also have experience with mums and will probably be good to chat with. They would talk in private if you need to. The centres often have access to community midwives and HVs etc etc so they could get hold of other professionals who can help you. They might be a good alternative if your GP can't offer you much more than the online thing.

I noticed in an earlier post you mentioned your DH was working away. Does that mean you are on your own with the two children? That must be hard. Do you have anyone else around?

You can take sertraline whilst breastfeeding if you want too... I've needed it after both my babies

Janis - thanks. I'm hoping it's just her personality coming through. She might be a quiet girl but I was just struggling last night so stay rational. She only woke up twice last night so I feel better rested & slightly more positive about it.

Plimsol- thanks so much for coming back to comment. I really do appreciate it and it helps to know that what she is doing could be normal as yours is doing it too.

I've made a promise to STOP googling. It's not any good for me and I'll feel better I think if I stop it.

Really, is it normal to have stranger anxiety so early? She's such a timid baby she literally clings to me. She's so aware already I guess it just puzzles me. I read online that either no seperatiin anxiety or extreme early anxiety could be red flags. But again I am going to stop googling.

Regarding the children centres, I have been to one when I lived in England however I moved to Scotland last year and they don't seem to have them here for some reason which is disappointing as I would have definitely gone along.

My OH is back late tonight I'm so glad. I think I was struggling yesterday as she was worrying me & then I collected my son from school &I he wanted to bake cakes and play outside. I done it with him as I really feel guilty that I don't have much time for him anymore but in a way I just wanted to go to bed and cry as I was so worried. Then once I'd played and baked with him I had to bath DD for bed and he wasn't happy as he still wanted to play. Then she was tired &a grumpy & wouldn't stop crying and I was trying to get her to sleep &I DS just kept shouting to me to come help him/play with him etc.

Then once she was sleeping I then had to bath him & get him to bed all the whilst feeling anxious and worried about DD. It's so consuming so draining and I hate it.

I did sleep better last night so I feel a bit more positive today. She's definitely giving big social smiles and her eye contact has been great so I'm happy. She doesn't turn towards sound though which worries me. I keep trying but she's just oblivious.

Cotton - thanks for the info. I'll have a look into it. I would love to take something that helps this feeling I have. I just don't know if I can take it whilst BF despite what it says about medication and it's safety with breast milk.

I worry that in years to come it could come out that it's harmful & by then it would be too late as id already taken it.

Obviously if I got really bad I would look into medication but at the moment I think it just makes my anxiety worse with the BF and anything getting to DD.

Op, clinging to you at this age is completely normal. One of mine would literally be held by no one else and is now absolutely fine. Think of your baby as you would a baby animal. It's natural and safe to cling to mum.

It was hard though. And do not underestimate how hard it is for you and be kind to yourself. You are in a new place, I guess trying to make new friends, a tiny baby, an older child and you are on your own a lot of the time. That is much harder than a lot of people's situations. Do you have anyone you could ask to stay for a few days? I found that just having an adult around was helpful, even if they couldn't help much practically, someone to chat to and distract me from worrying was immensely reassuring.

Thought I'd do a quick update & also to see if anyone else has experienced similiar...?

Lo is still silent - no coos or noises from her. It's been 8.5 weeks now. What I have noticed is that she sometimes (not often maybe once every 3-4 days) will seem as if she's attempting to make a sound but can't. It's as if it's stuck in her throat. She opens her mouth and I can see her really trying but nothing comes out. Then sometimes she brings up milk but I don't know if that's related.

She hasn't laughed spontaneously for over a week.

She wakes up in the morning and is silent. Just lies there looking at the light on her video monitor.

She has started to make more attempts to roll like twisting her body but no rolling yet.

Does this all still seem within the realm of normal? Anyone know why she might be struggling to make noises? OH has noticed too. Is as if she's trying really hard but then might cough or almost choke - hard to explain.

Her eye contact has been great.

Just bumping for you really, op, I have no similar experience of the noises (to be perfectly honest at that age neither of my children ever slept for more than 45 minutes at a time and I'm not convinced I would have even noticed if they stopped cooing ). I presume she cries? So can make noise?

Apologies if you've already mentioned this, but have you considered reflux? What you describe maybe sounds like acid in the throat that she is struggling with.