Did anyone's baby not coo/stop cooing for over a month & everything be ok?

[Kmxxx14]

I posted about my DD and how she stopped cooing at 10 weeks. Everyone reassured me it was normal she was just learning something new.

She's 16 weeks on Monday & still no cooing. Did this happen to anyone else?

And yet the HV & GP who've both seen the baby think there is cause for concern.

I know it's entirely possible there is an issue bug I think it's just as likely there isn't. At a similar age I absolutely convinced mys of that my baby had something wrong with his skull. I mean absolutely 100% convinced based on the 'symptoms'. He didn't, it was my anxiety, exacerbated by having a young baby that allowed me to convince myself. So fingers crossed for you

Presumably they are taking the OPs concerns seriously in order to rule any issues out.

I've PMd you OP

I'm not saying OPs DD has or hasn't got ASD or anything else, I'm saying it would be unusual to see it this young. But I also said anything is possible.

I've never seen her DD so I don't know but I know babies including my own who have fit her description. It could be the Dr had referred her for reassurance or because they don't know themselves. or they could agree. All I'm saying is it's unlikely at 16 weeks.

FWIW it's very normal for babies to avoid eye contact if they're overtired - in fact it's one of the best ways of telling that your child is due a nap. Is she getting enough sleep do you think? Babies that age can need an extraordinary amount of it.

She does sleep LOADS. She can't be awake for more than an hour to an hour and a half without getting grumpy and needing a nap and she sleeps for at least an hour each time.

At night she sleeps from 7-6:30 with two night feeds.

I was out today visiting family and she was happy and smiling looking them in the eye but totally silent.

She seems to be ok with looking people in the eye if they don't talk but if they speak to her she smiles, looks away and then looks back. She will continue to look at them but if they continue to speak to her she'll get angry and shout or cry and look away.

Anyone know if this is normal?

Is there anyway I could send a video to anyone via email of her to see what they think? My OH is working away and my family just say "she's fine" and no one on this thread can really understand without seeing her.

Both my DDS stopped vocalising (and sleeping! ) at about 4 months - then both were cruising by 5-6 months and walking and talking words by 9 months. 3 word sentences by 12 months, and haven't fucking shut up since (didn't sleep properly again to 3ys and 2.5 ys, but we will gloss over that).

I think some babies just focus on one thing at a time. To be absolutely truthful, both girle do have some autistic traits, and dd1 is on the SEN register at school as autistic, but both very bright, high functioning, just a bit nerdy/geeky/awkward. Both very happy girls, and that's what matters.

Km your baby sounds totally normal. Both of mine went through phases of cooing, phases of not, babbled for a eeek then focused on rolling, went quiet as they learned to crawl etc. If you are very anxious and constantly trying to interact with her she may just be looking away because it's too intense and overwhelming. She really sounds totally normal. Please stop googling for at least a few months. The feeling you have sounds rooted in your anxiety not in your baby's behaviour. I would focus on addressing that first. It sounds hard for you right now.

Hi OP.

My baby is a month older than yours and from what you've posted your baby sounds completely the same and totally normal. 90 minutes between sleeps is fine at that age. Good in fact! My baby often gets over tired and very grumpy if she goes longer than that.

Coo-ing does come and go. Mine is having quite a silent week at the moment.

I'm a child psychologist and have been involved in diagnosing autism. Behaviour at 16 weeks doesn't usually come in to it. Toddler who either never develop speech or lose speech are a concern, as are toddlers who avoid or become distressed by eye contact. This does not apply to babies because we would expect babies to avoid eye contact. They do this when hey are tired or over stimulated or just interested in other things. My baby avoids my eye contact all the time, if that is reassuring to you at all.

However, I do truly understand that feeling of "knowing something is wrong". My baby had a stomach condition that required an operation at 4 weeks old and in the week leading up to it, I had a horrible sense there was a problem even though medics reassured me her vomiting was normal. Eventually, it became clear there was an issue and I didn't need to persuade people any more. But I remember how it felt when it seemed like no one was listening.

I should also say that in the months since then, I've been very concerned about one or two other health conditions but have been wrong! I find it very difficult now to distinguish between my "mothers instinct"and my fear!

Accept the referrals you've been given because it will either reassure you or give you important information but please try and keep any fears in perspective as there's nothing you've written here that is unusual for a16 week old.

Ok thank you again for the reassurance. I just desperately want her to be ok & healthy but I know no matter what I'll love her and be happy so I don't even know why I'm so anxious - maybe just the unknown.

Fwiw she is my second child. I've got a son who is 5 but he was such a textbook baby and walked at 9 months old so I never ever had to worry about a thing with him.

I should edit my above post. It should say "my baby has periods where she avoids eye contact and these periods happen frequently" not "she avoids eye contact all the time". The way I worded it in my post sounds misleading, as if she constantly refuses eye contact.

I'm jealous of that amount of sleep! My 5 month old goes 3 hours between 45 minute naps - and has done since 3 months! Also wakes to feed every 2 hours at night until 4am when he is perma latched! But then my girls did the same so....

Can I ask - do your babies often scratch surfaces? I have a 3 minute video where I'm talking to her but she looks away scratching a pillow beside her.

If I put her on her tummy she will continually scratch the floor.

In the bath she scratches her body with the same open and closes hand movements.

I know it's probably my anxiety but I'm not sure if this is "hand flapping"?

It is not hand flapping. OP, all of the things you are describing are relevant to much older children. I honestly think you need to step away from autism lists. None of the autism indications are relevant to a 16 week old baby.

And in answer to your question, yes, my baby often scratches at things. In fact, I'm often reminded I need to cut her nails when I see she's left little marks on her chest and tummy when she's in the bath or been left undressed for a bit.

Ok. First of all flapping is entirely normal in babies. It becomes a symptom of autism if it carries on into toddlerhood. A lot of neurotypical baby behaviour is like that - there's not a five month old on earth who would pass the M-CHAT test. So even if you classify the scratching as flapping, it wouldn't mean anything.

Second, the smiling/looking away/ looking back sounds very much like she' playing peekaboo with you. That's about as neurotypical as you can get.

Count me as another one who is very envious of your having such a good sleeper, but the fact that she sleeps a lot doesn't mean that she's never tired. In fact, it could mean that she needs a lot of sleep (perfectly normal healthy thing for a baby to need a lot of) and so is tired a lot of the time.

Look, at this age there is no way of knowing if a kid has ASD and no one can diagnose over the internet, but so far there's really nothing worrying in what you've said.

Last and most important thing. ASD isn't the end of the world. If your daughter does turn out to have it you'll find a way through.

Thank you.

I know deep down I sound absolutely crazy & paranoid. I know I need to stop overthinking, stop googling and stop analysing but it's SO difficult. I was doing so well today, actually thought she was doing well and I come home and I just look at her and worry so much that there's something wrong.

Trust me if I was reading this thread I too would be saying to calm down, stop worrying and that most likely everything is ok. For some reason a seed has been planted in my head and no matter how I try I just can't get past it and it's so draining and frustrating. If I could stop it I really would. I'm trying.

Anyway I'm glad I made this thread as I have got lots and lots of reassurance which really is helping.

And it means I have been able to vent and worry on here and not out loud as much.

Post natal anxiety?
I was convinced I had given dd1 the cold sore herpes virus and it was just a matter of time before she developed symptoms. Despite never having had a cold sore in my life
And other such gems.

Take it easy on yourself xx

OP, you don't sound crazy to me. There are so many threads on here all the time from women who are worried about their children, starting from when they are in the early phases of pregnancy right up to when their children are adults. It's very common.

You do have to be careful that it doesn't tip over into anxiety. I do think it might be worth speaking to your GP about that. But I also think that some degree of worry is, unfortunately, just part and parcel of being a mother. I certainly worry a lot about milestones, and whether my DD is meeting them "on time", and what it means if she isn't. It's hard not to.

For what it's worth, everything you've said sounds normal to me. Certainly, as I said upthread, my own DD stopped making noises then one day started again. And most of the babies I know avoid eye contact when they're tired, and enjoy scratching things.

It's good that you've been referred to a specialist though as they'll be able to answer your questions and shed some light on whether there are any potential issues.

Are you keeping a list of questions to ask him/her? It might be a more productive way to channel your thinking. Every time you get a new "but what if...?" thought, write it down, then close the notebook, put it away and make a conscious effort to go and do something else. Keep that list ready for when you see the specialist.

My daughter scratched at that age and still does now. She also flaps her hands in excitement if you get out her favourite things . She also nips me repetitively.

For what it's worth I can't even begin to count the number of children with autism I have taught and one of that number has hand flapped. It's a common assumption that people with autism flap their hands but "stimming"(which is what it's known as ) takes a while host of various and individual forms eg spinning things, playing with objects, arm or hand movements (other than flapping), humming, honestly I could go on and on with the list of things I've seen.

You wouldn't see it at 16 weeks.

As pp as said the number of things on a list of things that are "red flags" for autism that babies can do is quite a lot!

• getting overstimulated, not being able to cope with loud noises or lots of noise , not liking or coping in busy environments, hand movements , repeating actions, 'obssesing" over certain things , hitting, hair pulling , biting , scratching ... All things that my daughter and many many many other babies and young children (that I know or have worked with )do or have done but that I've seen in children with ASD.

Thanks everyone. I really appreciate the attempts to reassure me.

Something is just niggling away at me the no cooing for 6 weeks now isn't normal. I hope I'm wrong I really do but how can she be so silent for so long. Literally silent. The only sounds she makes is screaming or crying. When I speak to her she gets annoyed. I'm not imagining it. I just want to enjoy my little baby again.

I look back at videos &i photos and wish I could rewind back to that time when I was blissfully unaware & happy. Now every single minute with her is spent analysing her & trying to communicate with her and getting down about her complete silence & lack of interest.

If she does have something wrong, how long until I accept it &I start looking at her as her and not trying to change the way she is? I feel I'll never accept it. I'll just constantly keep trying & if she doesn't respond I'll just constantly feel down & disappointed that my baby's not doing what it should be.

I have the HV coming round later this morning to see if there's any improvement. I'll update what she thinks.

Hi OP, hope you get some reassurance from the HV. I've not read the whole thread but pleased to see there have been so many reassuring posts.

Re the scratching, are you sure she's not just feeling different materials? My understanding is that around this age they get interested in textures etc - my LO started stroking my jumper etc at 12 weeks or thereabouts.

I'm no expert so can't comment on ASD.

In terms of milestones, having not read the full thread I don't know if anyone has asked already but was your baby premature at all? If so do factor that in with regards to her development. Our LO was 6 weeks early and he very much behaves like a 14 week old even though he's actually 20 weeks - he's not silent but doesn't constantly make sounds and as I said up thread he did go for a few weeks making very few sounds at all.

The healthy visitor has been and is going to ask for an urgent appointment with the specialist so we don't need to wait 12 weeks. SHe said she can't gaurentee it but she thinks it should be more urgent than the 12 week waiting time.

She also said that she's never seen it happen before.

My DD was born term +4 so no worries about prematurity.

The HV also said it would be very early for autism but also not impossible.