Did anyone's baby not coo/stop cooing for over a month & everything be ok?

[Kmxxx14]

I posted about my DD and how she stopped cooing at 10 weeks. Everyone reassured me it was normal she was just learning something new.

She's 16 weeks on Monday & still no cooing. Did this happen to anyone else?

Getting angry when you talk to her doesn't sound right to me. Stopping cooing and scratching is something all mine have done - but then they started making other noises. My 22 week old started growling at about 18 weeks and now makes aaah or mmmmm noises. He's also been laughing for ages - does she laugh?

She only laughs when tickled. She was previously laughing spontaneously when talked at funny or when i pretended so sneeze.

I'm glad you have a referral as I think ultimately you will end up being reassured by the process and if there is any issue in your daughter's development, it will be good to get picked up this quickly.

I am surprised your HV said that about autism possibly being picked up at 16 weeks. I'm just going to say this as a counter point as it may help you stop worrying for 12 weeks. I have never met your HV (obviously!!!) but I've met many through work and also several since my baby was born so part of what I'm saying now is based on my experience of what an HV might know about (or not know).

I have a doctorate in child psychology and have been in practice for 10 years this summer. Out of all the children I have worked with who have autism (hundreds) there are two main "camps". One is children who develop seemingly typically until they become toddlers (2years ish) and then they either stop developing in a regular way or they seemingly backtrack and appear to lose skills such as language or social attention and so on. This loss of skills does not happen as a baby because by definition babies haven't fully acquired the skills in order to lose them. (Some parents report that there has always been something atypical about their children in hindsight that they've not been able to put their finger on but this has developed very gradually and been noticeable over months and months and months).

The other camp tends to be children who have multiple and often profound difficulties, usually as a result of a genetic condition or chromosomal mutation or sometimes significant birth trauma resulting in brain injury. These children won't have received an autism diagnosis when they young (diagnostic criteria for autism mean that it is not possible to diagnose a baby or infant with autism) but their difficulties will have been present since birth.

This latter group must be who your HV is referring to as the former group cannot possibly be diagnosed with autism this young. I do believe you would probably know if your daughter had profound difficulties (nothing you have posted suggests this could be the case) as they are often picked up due to indications at birth, post natal and 6 week checks and have more noticeable symptoms than a decrease in cooing etc. However, the referral you are receiving will explore this avenue for you in depth.

Obviously I can't rule out your daughter having some kind of difficulty but stopping cooing is common in 3-4 month babies. I'd also try and put autism in particular out of your mind as I think the more you try and make her interact or talk to allieve your fear about autism, the more anxious you will become about it.

Anyway, hope the above makes sense. The short version: It is possible there is something concerning about your baby but it is unlikely to be autism based on what you have posted and her age.

No aaaah noises?
Well at least she still laughs at something, how about when you do raspberries on her tummy or laugh when cwtching?

As a side note in response to a couple of posts that were posted whilst I was writing my last post: my baby has also stopped laughing recently. She was doing it loads a week or so ago but has not laughed at a single thing for nearly a week now. I got one half hearted chuckle when I tickled her neck after her bath this morning but that's it.

My baby also gets upset or grizzly when i try to talk or play with her when she wants some peace and quiet (). She's quite a solitary little soul and will sometimes cry to be put down and left alone. She will then lie down happily and kick her legs and look at her hand or things around her. Maybe your baby is the same and that's why she gets 'angry' when you try to talk to her.

Plimsolls - thank you that makes sense. I definitely don't think there is anything genetically wrong with her. But one thing I have questioned is that when she was born EVERYONE commented on how "distinctive" she looked. My OH would go on about her unusual features but I couldn't really see it. He says she's now grown out of it but I just remember everyone commenting on how unusual she looked.

My midwife came round after I was settled in the ward and reassured me that her face had a medical term (can't remember what it was) as she came out so fast and that it would go back to normal. Although I honestly didn't see what she meant but anyway I wasn't worried.

I have asked my OH if he thought there was anything wrong with her by her looks especially as he used to go on about them so much but he said no.

Anyway I don't think that's related but did make me think a bit when you mentioned genetic issues. She looks perfect now to me and she did at birth so that's not a big issue for me.

Namejustfornappies - no, no ahh,ooh sounds for 6 weeks now. Complete silence for 5 weeks now shrieking and "shouting" but not in happiness or distress. Mostly silence tho. If I speak to her she gets irritated.

If I could describe her I would say happy when sitting on my lap,over my shoulder. Fussy and irritated if I lay her down or talk to her.

for a while (before I started to get worried) I described her as shy and sensitive. So maybe she is just a quiet natured person and this is just normal for her?

I remember saying to my OH that I think she would be very quiet when she grew up. I just had a feeling. In my pregnancy she hardly moved at all but that was normal for her so I wasn't concerned. My son was so active in the womb and once born.

Maybe it is just her personality?

But it's a developmental milestone so personality or not I would expect her to make atleast some noise or interaction when I speak to her.

Oh and the shouting and shrieking is when I speak to her - she does it in sort of an irritated way. Or I lay her down on her Mat. If I leave her too long the shrieking will turn to crying.

The HV asked if there were any accidents that may have caused this. The only thing was at 6 days old my son dropped something on her head. She went to A&E and was checked over and seemed fine. It was a weight from the bottom of a balloon so not particularly heavy but not exactly light either.

One thing that is in the back of my mind and that I havnt mentioned to anyone but it is a little worry is the fact I was using white noise every day for all her naps and White loudly too. She would sleep for over an hour with the white noise beside her several times a day.

Things going through my mind are was it too loud? Has the constant white noise took away her oohs and ahhs. I know probably nothing but that has entered my mind. Especially as I did play it loudly right next to her

Re autism and when it is picked up - my dd1 was very hyper alert as a baby, rarely slept, and obviously was easily over stimulated (screaming for 6-8 hours non stop). So sensory issues.
But she was otherwise normal if early on all milestones except pointing. She didn't point until 18 months (by which time she was talking in 4-5 word sentences, knew numbers and colours) and then it was with her second finger. She was obsessed with dinosaurs and didn't notice other children until half way through her preschool year, and didn't play with other children until halfway through reception. There are still some social difficulties but only a sort of nerdy professor manner really. She's fab

I've never heard of white noise being an issue in the way you describe. If she was still having white noise often, I would say she might feel temporarily over stimulated and that is why she is avoid further stimulation through eye contact or talking, but that wouldn't have a permanent or long term affect.

I also can't think of a way that the balloon weight bumping her head would have affected her cooing/interacting, in terms of how the brain works it just wouldn't affect her in this way.

The shouting and shrieking is probably her exploring the next phase of language development. Actually, the fact that she does it in response to your talking to her means she is interacting with you!

I have stopped the white noise since I got concerned about her lack of noise.

One other note is that whilst breastfeeding she stares at my armpit even if I try to get her to look up at me she isn't interested.

I'm keeping more of an open mind but literally just writing anything that comes to my mind in terms of any concerns or worries.

Hi OP,
-I use white noise apps for my baby all the time, most nights, always in the car and about half of all naps, at the highest level on my iPhone so pretty loud and he is fine. I like you worried about it being too loud and making him deaf or something but he's fine, and I have it on a timer now so it fades out a bit.

-Babies do flap hands and scratch things. Hand flapping is partly learning to move her arms, partly learning space awareness and partly self soothing. The scratching is her trying to touch things, she hasn't got the dexterity to gently stroke something every time just yet.

-Losing sounds are so normal, and so is your worry. Babies learn something, file that job away in their brains and move in to the next thing if they don't Immediately need the learned task, that's ok. It's your job to care about her, but step back and breathe. She smiles, she laughs, she looks all around? She's doing perfectly.

-Staring at your armpit is fine, she's just zoning out while she has a nice drink, absolutely fine.

-She is quietly observing the huge amazing world around her. Her eyesight is almost fully developed now, so she will be able to see across rooms, which she wouldn't have been able to do before. Incredible! Like us being able to see to the end of the road.

-I would honestly say that he head turning with sound and sight maybe points to her being overwhelmed. Try talking softly, tv off, hold her hands in yours and being so so gentle and calm and slow. Don't let anyone get all in her face, or do loud voices around her, she might just be really sensitive. Try wearing her in a sling? I wore my DD in a stretchy wrap, by Moby. She could hear my heart beat, have the warmth of my body, and we could be together without saying anything. I also found if she was fussy getting on and doing the housework soothed her and she'd sleep for a lot longer. Plus I could tuck her head into the side and she would be swaddled up and feel secure.

Sorry for the long post, feel free to PM You're doing a great job.

Thank you Guinness, that helps me to relax. Anytime I get anxious I'm going to come on here and read these.

I also have an appointment at the GP for my anxiety tomorrow.

I wish the health professionals would,in a way just reassure me that everything could be ok although I'm grateful they are taking it seriously, this just worries me more. Like it really isn't normal otherwise they wouldn't be getting me an urgent referral and they wouldn't be send her to the specialist.

Although maybe they sense how anxious I am and they're reacting in this way to get me reassurance, who knows?

I've used white noisefor well over a year now with no issues.
I'm with plimsolls in being surprised your HV said that .
Every description you've given sounds totally normal. However we haven't seen your baby so we don't know how she is actually, but there's nothing of concern in your descriptions at all.
It's possible your HV wants to reassure you and indeed herself that nothings wrong.

Without sounding mean or harsh (and if anyHV are reading I bow my head in shame and apologise !) But I don't trust HV at all.
Not one has been right about my daughter and not one has said anything that's correct and everything they have said was proved wrong by specialists. I don't get the point of them in most cases ,they've always made me more panicked.
I've had to explain my daughter and what the specialists have said to them at her health checks and they have sometimes still disbelieved me

I would go to the appointment but take what she says with a pinch of salt.

I have to agree you sound anxious and depressed (been there too) and would really encourage you to see a dr as well as looking out for your baby

I would imagine you are right that they want to reassure you. Because your anxiety in itself isn't positive for your daughter whether she has ASD or not.

Honestly my advice is step away from the internet. It won't help you because you're going to read all sorts of possibilities.

Your daughter is your daughter no matter if she has ASD or not. You will find the right way to be with her, for her, if she is ASD and support her and nurture her, with help from professionals.
I hope she is just fine but she will be no less wonderful if she does have it. Your best bet now is do what makes her happy,don't try to force interactions if she doesn't want to because it's obviously stressing her out and it won't change whether she has ASD or not. It will just make her scream more and get more upset.
Find things she likes that relax her and try your hardest to enjoy her for the tiny baby she is.

I know I'm saying the impossible as you are worried but it's important in my opinion not to transfer that worry onto her.

Good luck at the doctor tomorrow

Waltham visitors mean well and are good sources for normal baby information, weight, feeding, etc. However they are often swayed massively by how they raised their children, how it was done x years ago or by the flavour of the month. Also, they're lone workers in a system that is more and more litigation based. They don't want to miss anything serious and get struck off, and feel terrible about it because they are on their own. She will probably be covering her back, feeding a bit off your own anxiety about the baby and passing the buck rather than coming to see baby for a whole afternoon or every day for a while.

Guinnessbreath said it better than me !
She doesn't want you to turn around in a few years time and say 'well you said she didn't have it ' or 'you said this was fine '. I don't think she does have it, but a HV cannot possibly say 100% that a child is Autistic , nor can they say they're not anything else concerning really! For that matter neither can a GP really ......And no one wants to be the one who said it was fine when it wasn't.

Oh when I said the HV said about autism, I don't think she meant that it would be diagnosed at 16 weeks but just that it could be an early indicator. She said it was early for symptoms to show but not impossible. Not that it was unlikely that autism would be diagnosed but not impossible.

I think she is covering her back tbh

Any baby could be diagnosed with autism later in life, her vague statements are to stop you getting angry at her if she's wrong either way.

Hi OP,

I'm not an expert so can't say much but chances are your little girl is just a bit of a chilled out baby. I just wanted to say that I can totally understand what you're going through though. The paranoia and the worry, and looking for every little sign. My DS's development has been very very slow and he's 21 months and not really talking. My HV flagged him up months ago and that got me really worried so I've been spending every moment worrying about his development. As a mother its just so hard when you can see certain things but everyone else thinks you're being paranoid. There is every chance she is absolutely fine but you are doing the right thing by getting her assessed. Feel free to PM me anytime.

Oh and used a lot of white noise on him when he was younger because it would calm him when he got hyper and he's had a hearing test recently and his hearing is perfectly fine so don't worry about that.