Did anyone's baby not coo/stop cooing for over a month & everything be ok?

[Kmxxx14]

I posted about my DD and how she stopped cooing at 10 weeks. Everyone reassured me it was normal she was just learning something new.

She's 16 weeks on Monday & still no cooing. Did this happen to anyone else?

Guinness - I took your advice regarding the quiet voice, not in her face, tv off and she was a lot more responsive. She was happy to look at me and smile a lot longer before crying than she did previously when I would be loud, singing songs &I in her face closely. Still no sounds from her but I'm going to work on this. Maybe she is just overwhelmed and sensitive.

I'll keep trying this approach and see if there's any further progress.

That's great! Definitely give her as much space as you would like for yourself. Remember how much bigger you are than she is, especially if she is easily overwhelmed!

Km I do remember my son singing along words and noises to songs at a certain point and then suddenly stopping, like he had forgotten and then going quiet for a bit. I think after a break he then started trying to talk, I think he must have started to process sounds and words, whereas before he just repeated them. My daughter was a lot more vocal, a lot more of a continual trier, or I could have been too busy to notice as then had two small ones. I think they are all different. I hope the appointment goes well. Are you getting out to groups lots, that might help distract you while you wait appointment and are a good fun place to bond with other mums (coffee and biscuits too). Keep in touch xxx

Thanks.

I've been out to a baby group this morning which has helped a bit. I can't help looking round to see what the other babies are doing. I notice when I sit her on my knee she won't give eye contact. If I sit her on the floor she's happy to give eye contact but from a distance. Same when she's in her car seat. When she's sat on someone's knee she refuses to look at them. I've noticed this more & more over the last few days.

Also I know it could be normal but I notice her scratching things a lot. I woke up during the night & she was awake but silent just scratching her bed sheets.

Everutime i feed her, her arm which goes round my back, scratches the couch.

Still no noises from her at all

My friend is coming round later with her baby who is a couple of weeks younger than my DD. I'm dreading noticing a big difference in them.

I've got the doctors later but I know nothing will take away this worry.

Awww, hang in there, a worrying time, I hope you get to see someone soon xx

That's all fine ; ! My daughter is 16 months and still scratches!

Hi KM.

I'm not sure if there's anything else I can say really. Again, everything you've described sounds like regular baby behaviour but I don't think any amount of posts on this thread saying "yup, sounds like a regular baby" is going to help you as babies are so mysterious that if you keep looking for something to confirm your worried feeling, you will always find something. But you won't know if it's just a typical baby thing or if it's "proof" there's an issue with her.

Same with comparing.... Babies are so different to each other that any mother would find huge differences between her baby and other babies if they observed and analysed. If you look for a difference, you will find one.

I spent the afternoon y'day with a friend whose baby is exactly the same age minus two days and they are so so so different to each other.

I hope your GP is supportive later. You are sounding very anxious and the anxiety is something that can be supported, whether it's baseless (nothing wrong with your daughter) or based in a genuine issue (a developmental issue with your daughter). The anxiety and preoccupation you are experiencing is a separate issue to your baby, if you see what I mean.

Good luck at the docs and I hope you manage to have a nice time with your friend.

Can you write down on here:

what, exactly, you think the scratching is a symptom of?

And what you think the 'eye contact from far away but not up close'is a symptom of?

That may help, rather than it just being a formless worry.

Thanks, I hope so. I find myself analysing everything & I hate it!

Can't wait to update this thread hopefully soon with "she's cooing/babbling/everything is indeed fine!"

Hopefully sooner rather than later. Although Everyday that passes with no noise or interaction from her makes me nervous. It's getting to the point where I'm waking up & thinking what's the point in trying to interact with her I may as well just let her lie in her cot looking at the ceiling where she seems happy.

Last night I bathed her in silence & got her ready in silence to see how she reacted but she didn't seem to react any differently. Just stared at either the ceiling or her feet. No looking at me to try to engage. She may have been tired tho so who knows.

I'm trying to be quieter around her to see if that helps. No constant talking explaining what I'm doing, no singing. Just letting her be.

Mine did when teething

Plimsolls - the scratching i worry is an early indication of autism. I watched a YouTube video about early signs and the baby's hand movements were exactly like my daughters. And she does it very often. I know it may be normal but no amount of telling myself that erases that video from my mind. Everutime she does it I wish she would just stop as all I can see is the baby later diagnosed with autism in the YouTube video.

The eye contact I admit I am probably over analysing. She'll avoid me and I'll just remember the autism warning signs of avoiding eye contact.

I'm sorry for keep going on and on about the same old thing. I really am. If I don't write it down here then I'll sit and think it so writing it down just helps. I'm not particularly looking for any further reassurance or advice, just helps to write it down instead of thinking it. And the reassurance does help too.

If she does have autism is my anxiety still an issue? I just think it would be part of the acceptance. I think if she was diagnosed I would be fine as I've already considered that. If I keep telling myself she's fine even though I'm worried and she is diagnosed I think I would feel shock and upset all over again.

If I am very honest yes I think your anxiety is still going to be an issue. Not meaning to be harsh.

No that's fine I do understand and I recognise it's not actually good for me or nice to be worrying about this so much especially as it is just a feeling and nothing concrete. I actually don't enjoy this feeling at all so i do also recognise it's an issue.

I honestly think part of the problem is that I'm not working & spending all day looking after her. I struggle without the structure. I need something additional to keep me busy I think. I can imagine if I went out to work everyday I wouldn't be worrying so much. It would be a thought at the back of my mind but I wouldn't be spending so much time on this.

I don't want to leave her so early to return to work and the plan was that I'd stay home for a couple of years anyway.

Then again I wonder how many people when faced with it wouldn't worry a lot too. If their baby stopped cooing at 10 weeks with not a single coo since & it was now 6 weeks and they noticed other little traits that Could be or could not be signs of autism. I'm not justifying my level of anxiety as I know it's probably way beyond normal but at the same time I don't think I'm being completely irrational.

Especially when every health professional shows only concern and absolutely no reassurance that this could be normal.

No I do understand KM and I'm absolutely not saying you should forget your concerns or not post them on here. I'm going to write you a much longer more detailed post re: early signs of autism and also what I mean in terms of your anxiety but I have a grumpy baby at the moment. Am hoping to get on my laptop to type properly if I ever manage to get her down for a nap! Don't want you to think I'm ingnoring you.

Not sure if you will want to read my experience but I have a son and a daughter with autism. Both ds and dd did the scratching you mention, dd would rub the skin off of her feet as well by rubbing them against the bouncy chair because I think she enjoyed both the sensation and the noise it made. Ds's scratching was focused on his pram top.
Ds never did the cooing or "conversational babble" he had two volumes silent or screaming tbh likewise he would only sleep for about four hours in every 24 (he's 22 now and this pattern continues)
Dd did coo, and engaged in "conversational babble" I was reassured for a while that everything was fine this time as she was nothing like ds. I was a little concerned at eight month when she had no separation anxiety and she didn't make any attempt to make her needs known. At eleven months she had three words, where, hair and square so my concerns grew as they aren't useful or typical first words.
At twelve months she fell silent, no longer laughed, smiled, clapped,waved or talked and was referred to ds's paediatrician. She had a multi disciplinary assessment following chromosome checks and checks to rule out mitochondrial disorders and was diagnosed with autism around her second birthday as well as global development delay and speech and language disorder.
She is 14 almost now and a delight, no delays, pretty bright (top groups at school) plays piano, great at French and a talented artist she still has autism of course.
Record your concerns and don't be afraid to demand a referral to a paediatrician if you think it is needed. HV's and GP's have no specialist knowledge of child development disorders.

For me leaving her be is the last thing I would suggest doing. I put in place early intervention for dd, it took six months for me to get her to make a sound.It happened when I was "flying" her around. She laughed, I said again and flew her again and waited, in time she would make some sort of noise to get me to fly her,the noise turned to words.
I sang to her about everything because she loved music, I'd sing describing what I was doing "this is the way we put on my socks etc etc" We played with purpose for about six hours a day. I kept records and charts,I followed development charts and I'd tick off as we reached the targets. At two years dd had a developmental age between 6 and 12 months at three years she was about six months delayed at four years she was between 6 and twelve months ahead in some aspects and on course everywhere else.
None of it was rocket science it was just hard work and planning tbh but it was worth it, dd has surpassed every expectation and she has a chance of a rewarding future.

insanity well I guess you have justified OP's anxiety! Glad to hear your children are doing well now.

OP, I've been in the situation where I knew something was wrong but everyone said I was worrying about nothing, and it turned out I was right, so I'm not trying to get you to write off your instincts. I do want to give you more information to help you make more sense of what is bothering you about your baby.

The short version of what I was going to write about scratching is:
Nearly all babies scratch so some of them will go on to be diagnosed with autism. Most won't.

All babies go through silent phases. Some will go on to be diagnosed with autism, most won't.

All babies have periods of being overstimulated and tired, and will turn their face away and avoid eye contact, ignorIng people. Some babies are more easily overstimulated than others, so their natural levels of turning away and avoiding eye contact will vary (personality factors I suppose you could call it). Some babies will go on to be diagnosed with autism.

As one of the specialists a GP or HV would refer on to, I will repeat it is extremely unlikely that a 4 month old baby who avoids eye contact and likes scratching will go on to be diagnosed with autism rather than it being a typical developmental stage. This is because all babies between the ages of 3 and 6 months have periods of avoiding eye contact and doing lots of scratching etc.

As insanity points out, her children who have been diagnosed with autism did some of these things you describe about your baby. I'm not sure from Insanity's post whether they were doing these things at 4 months old or if they were older.

I'm not dismissing your worry about what you saw on the you tube video.... I want to give you food for thought in the other direction. If hand scratching by babies was a reliable marker of autism, wouldn't it be a widely known thing for people to look out for? And screened for? The checklists of things at each post natal and infant check would include it. It would be on the diagnostic criteria for autism. It would be something routinely asked about (in the way that a social smile is asked about at the 6-8week check). im not writing this to argue with you or to make you think you are wrong, just to give you some points to ponder on the other side of the scale to weigh up in your mind, if you see what I mean

ive got a doctor's appointment now but I'll come back and finish off a few thoughts later. I hope you manage to have a lovely afternoon with your friend.

Thanks insan- I really appreciate it.

Did your children smile when spoken to by yourself/strangers?

How was their eye contact?

Well the scratching would have been earlier than 18 weeks tbf as ds was a big baby so was out of his pram by then, dd I have photos when she still had some jaundice and she has bloody feet so would have been early weeks as well but this did continue after the early weeks. I think parents should be concerned when an unusual behaviour lasts for a while
Ds and dd had no problem with eye contact and even as adult/ teen now it is minimal and not really noticeable unless you know what to look for and you know their diagnoses.
For me, my first concerns regarding ds were voiced at six weeks as they are written in his red book and fundamentally there were more concerns each time he had a health assessment (not from the stupid and ignorant HV though as she was fundamentally useless) so he failed his hearing assessment, he wasn't meeting milestones etc etc (HV dismissed it as laziness ) Paed said he had autism at 2.5 and confirmed dx at 3.
For dd I raised concerns at 8 months with GP (refused a HV) GP referred after a week (to give any illness a chance to show itself) after she lost her skills at 12 months.
Ds and dd were "serious" babies so they weren't smiley babies anyway, ds preferred lights to faces so was never particularly interested in anyone and would scream if his view of the light was blocked by some pesky person wanting to speak to him
Dd was regularly mistaken for a doll because she was silent and still in the pram and pushchair and when I carried her she would be rigid.
My thoughts are not to worry, don't go researching autism (doctors and HV's will most likely dismiss you as a loon when baby is so young if you voice autism concerns now tbh) but keep a record of what concerns you with dates and for how often and how long these concerns lasted(to discuss with a paed if ever you need a referral).
I am a firm believer in mother's instinct, I knew something was wrong although with ds I didn't know what it was.I knew dd had autism at her 8 months check when I saw her with babies the same age even though she was nothing like ds had been.Autism sucks at times tbh but ds and dd are a great joy to me regardless.

Plimsole - thanks for taking the time to explain all of that. It does make me realise in my rational side of my brain that because she's doing this doesn't mean anything.

In my irrational side I think not cooing, scratching, eye contact - is it all coincidence. The way she scratches her body in the bath is just painful to look at. She opens and closes her hand over and over again in the one spot til it's red raw. I need to block her with my hand to protect her but if I take my hand away to wash her, her hand is straight back clawing st the one spot.

It's not itchy or anything I don't think &a she doesn't have eczema so I'm just a bit about it.

Insane - thanks again for taking the time to write that all out.

My visit with my friend went well. My DD is so big compared to him she just looks massive in a cute kind of way. Her little boy was cooing away lots as expected but my DD was giving loads of eye contact and smiling lots so I was quite happy.

Then I went to my doctors appointment and she registered me for an online course or module thing for CBT. She said face to face counselling was taking months so this would be faster. But if it doesn't work then I've to go back.

Anyway when I came home I noticed my DD was doing this thing with her legs which she's been doing for a while now (see pic). She stretches her legs completely straight & keeps them hovering there for ages. She was grumpy too so I thought naybe it was a stomach ache.

I gave her gripe water which was the first time I've given her some and 10 minutes later she seemed more relaxed. So much so that she watched me so closely for over 10 minutes and I got a few spontaneous laughs at my funny faces (usually I need to tickle her to get her to laugh). This is the first time she's laughed spontaneously for weeks and weeks.

So that made me happy and relax a little.

If only she would coo at me, even just a tiny bit.

Lovely baby , see if she was mine doing that and going by her face I'd think, like you did, that she had wind as well. I wouldn't think it odd at all.