Help needed in order to allow dd2 (3yrs) to continue sharing our bed.

[Wills]

DD2 has always shared our bed and until the last 6 months its been fine. In the last 8 months we've moved house and had ds. We've moved a long way from dh's work which means he has a 2 hour commute in the morning and 2.5 hour commute in the evening. But the move has enabled us to live in a wonderful house and that I have been able to give up work and be a SAHM for the first time. BUT he gets up at 5.00 am and leaves the house at 5.30. This can't change if he wants to be home before 8.00 pm. dd2 is disturbed by dh getting up (and he's really really tried hard to be quiet), so that she's normally up around 5.45. When dd2 gets up (she's 3) somehow the rest of the house has to get up including ds and dd1. She knows exactly how to get her own way in my desperation in keeping ds and dd1 asleep and is now regularly getting away with murder. I've had to bring her bedtime forward as she's shattered, dd1 is tired, ds has a sleeping pattern all over the place and I'm tired too. I'm not not sleeping with my dh (we tried that for 2 weeks and we felt like we were barely seeing each other).

So.... Any thoughts about what I can do that don't involve me moving her out of our bed.

[Enid]

it costs a tenner! yes that is serious bribery chez enid

[KTeePee]

Wills if you really want to stop your dd coming into your bed I suggest trying the bribery, maybe coupled with a star chart. Worked for my dd and ds2 within days....

[LoveMyGirls]

I havent read the whole thread so i apologise if you have already answered this.

What effect does you co-sleeping have on your other children? does it cause resentment, a feeling of her being the favourite? Does it affect your sex life (sorry to be so personal) but some people like to have morning sex.

I think the minuses outweigh the plus's but as a compromise the idea of you going into her bed when she wakes might not be a bad suggestion?

I don't do co-sleeping though i did when dd1 was very young and i was on my own it made sense i suppose but it wasn't causing any bother whereas this situation seems insane i have to be honest. sorry.

[FrannyandZooey]

I have been thinking about this one on and off during the day

personally I still think your dd waking everyone up is a bit of a red herring - as blueshoes says she is the one being woken - I personally couldn't sleep through someone in my bed (ie dh) getting up at 5 am, and nor could ds, who does now sleep in a different room to us but still wakes up most mornings when daddy gets up. We cope with this by all going to bed early.

In your situation I would assume that everyone was going to be getting up at around 6 at the latest and just plan for that. Plenty of people with young children do get up at this time - it isn't the end of the world and just means that everyone goes to bed earlier. One advantage will be that the children get to see Daddy for a bit in the morning - I assume otherwise they would in fact not see him except at the weekends?

It's obvously a subject that has roused a lot of different feelings on here. I hope it's been a useful discussion for you and that it all works out, anyway.

[Davenid]

yes also agree with franny that it wouldnt be a bad thing to all get up at 5.30am

cannot believe that commute though

your dh must be knackered

[pointydog]

everyone get up at 5.30am??

what am I missing here?

[ScottishThistle]

5:30am...Oh my god what a hideously long day!

I don't envy you that early start!

I feel your child needs some encouragement to go back to sleep...star chart, special treats as she's old enough to understand.

What time does she go to bed & does she sleep in the day?

[blueshoes]

I think Franny means you couple a 0530 start with an earlier bedtime. Sounds reasonable. After all, pre-kids, I slept at midnight. Now I sleep at 10pm.

[pointydog]

... reasonable?

[FrannyandZooey]

I just don't get how the dh is supposed to get up at 5.30 but nobody else will wake up. The man next door to us gets up at 5.30 and that usually wakes me up

I envy your superior sleeping abilities

[FluffyMummy123]

Message withdrawn

[Bozza]

The problem is though that the other children are not ready to get up at 5.30 am, so in oder to facilitate DD2 getting up then, they would have to go to bed earlier and that doesn't seem fair.

[Wills]

OK, If I get up then the other children don't have to get up. But I already slope off to bed at 9.30 and I'm missing dh as well. I must admit I like the idea of getting up at 6.00 (might actually achieve my goal in life of getting breakfast cleared up before the school run ) but at 6.00 in the morning I still resemble the sleeping dead and remain like that for the rest of the day. Nice fun mummy turns into nasty mummy from hell etc etc etc.

Dh is now going out the back door by the way and..... dd2 slept until 6.30 this morning. Was this a fluke - probably but we'll see.

icod in what way?

[Bozza]

wills I think cod means enid with her angelina ballerina bribes, not you. Hope 6.30 wasn't a fluke.

[LoveMyGirls]

I get up at 6 and am bathed and dress ready for business by 7am my girls are usually having breakfast by the time first mindee arrives but if i didn't HAVE to do this then i would think it's very unreasonable and i certainly wouldn'nt do it because my 3 yr just wanted to i'd tell her get back in bed because its too early to get up/ nightime.

You wouldn't be having this debate if your dh had to be at work for 3am and dd2 wanted to get up at 2.30am theres noway you couyld all live like that so i don't see you should all live with getting up at 5.30 in my own very humble opinion i htink its a bonkers idea.

[RachelG]

Am I right in thinking your DD goes to bed in her own bed, but comes into yours in the middle of the night? Could you and her then move into another room, so she still has you with her, and is less likely to be disturbed by your DH when he gets up at 5?

[ebamum]

What a dilema!! I have 3 kids under 3, who all USED to come into our bed at various times during the night. Have also bought a siper kingsize bed to accomodate all bodies.
Got so P*ed off with getting feet in my eyes, kids sleeping on my head etc and no sleep, I banned all kids out of our room. I put up a stir gate on our room and would not let them in(really bad mother). I put up with cries all night for 4 night from every room then silence and kids sleeping in own beds now. You have to bite the bullet and send 3 year old back to own bed, it is hard and cruel but you and hubby need time alone.
Good Luck